


Kitten

by SapphireSmoke



Series: Toujours Pur [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (from the past not something new), Angst, Canon Compliant, Daddy Kink, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Femslash, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, Lies, Master/Pet, Mental Health Issues, Orgasm Delay/Denial, POV: Cassandra Goyle, Polyamory, Romance, Secrets, Self-Esteem Issues, Sibling Incest (mentioned), Toujours Pur Universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:47:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 51,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27462163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireSmoke/pseuds/SapphireSmoke
Summary: The behind the scenes progression of Bellatrix and Cassandra’s relationship after Chapter 42 and onward in “Crimson Regret”
Relationships: Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Cassandra Burke Goyle (OC), Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Narcissa Black Malfoy (mentioned), Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Narcissa Black Malfoy/Cassandra Burke Goyle (OC) (mentioned), Narcissa Black Malfoy/Cassandra Burke Goyle (OC) (mentioned)
Series: Toujours Pur [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/264505
Comments: 46
Kudos: 39





	1. PART I

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BellaRei713](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellaRei713/gifts).



> **Beta:** [BellaRei713](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellaRei713)  
>  **Dedicated To:** My wife Aly, who has such a hard on for this pairing that she demanded I write this spin-off so we could get more content of them. Enjoy having more things dedicated to you, you spoiled bitch, lol.  
>  **A/N:** Since Narcissa’s POV limits quite a lot, I wanted you guys to be able to see what was going on as the new arrangement between the three of them includes aspects that Narcissa is not involved in. Most chapters are set between two chapters of “Crimson Regret,” but others are set during the actual chapter itself if neither of them were around Narcissa at the time. Each part will specify when exactly it takes place, and these behind the scenes looks will be posted on Wednesdays following the chapter they either come directly after, or are set during. For now, anyway. I'm not entirely sure if I will be able to keep up with having two chapters a week a few times a month, but we'll see haha. If not, it'll be updated on Saturdays in place of the next chapter of "Crimson Regret", which would be pushed to the following week. Either way though, it will not be every week, so be sure to subscribe and follow to be alerted of updates.

**PART I  
**[ Between Chapters 42 & 43 ]

* * *

Cassandra learned at a very young age that with sexuality came power and validation. There was nothing quite like the feeling of holding someone in the palm of your hand because they foolishly allowed their weakness to rule them. Cassandra had felt invisible for most of her life, her surname being a burden to her that she often found hard to bear as it separated her from those who considered themselves her betters. But then she grew _breasts,_ others developed an _interest_ and, suddenly, she wasn’t invisible any longer.

It took a long time for Cassandra to learn how to properly wield the power she held though. The amount of times she was taken advantage of when she was young was rather immeasurable, and something Cassandra did not like admitting to. Even when she spoke of it to Narcissa, the woman whom she loved, she had downplayed it because _she had consented_ and _at least it made her popular_ even though it was in this sort of way that made her more of a back-alley whore people frequented, rather than the queen who everyone ached to worship. Cassandra had just wanted to be noticed so _badly_ back then though; she hated being passed over, disregarded, mocked, and looked down upon, all because of a surname she could not control and her inability to fit in because she was not brought up the same as them.

So if sex was the only way she could get the attention she craved, then so be it.

It wasn’t just _sex_ though. Cassandra was so bloody desperate for just someone she could consider a _friend_ she latched onto Narcissa Black who, at the time, regarded her as little more than someone who could stroke her ego. Cassandra ached to be like her though; from the outside, Narcissa’s life looked perfect. It wasn’t until much later that Cassandra found out that it was not, that it was so _bloody_ far from it, and while she loved the woman so very deeply now, Narcissa’s life was one of the very last things Cassandra wanted for herself, as it was more horrific than her own.

In a way, that made Cassandra feel as though her own past and her own pain was invalidated in the wake of Narcissa’s, and thus she did not speak of it often. They had been lovers for a long time now, friends for even longer than that, and yet Narcissa barely knew anything about her childhood. Although most of it was due to Narcissa having trouble seeing outside of her own bloody bubble most days, Cassandra preferred it that way. She had secrets from her past that she kept closely guarded; _her_ weaknesses that could bring her to ruin, and as she had finally found some semblance of power in her life, the last thing Cassandra wished to do was lose those she had tricked into worshiping her like the bloody _queen_ she had always desired to be.

Well, perhaps _tricked_ was too strong a word; at least with Narcissa. In the beginning Cassandra had, admittedly, found her opening when her friend had confided in her about being bisexual, and although she had quickly used that to her advantage, the purposeful manipulation did not last much longer than that. In all honesty, Cassandra hadn’t even known if she _liked_ women back then, but she got off on making Narcissa weak all the same. She had spent their entire friendship at that point in the other woman’s shadow, and for one _brilliant_ fucking second Narcissa looked at her like perhaps she was the light she was looking for all along.

Cassandra ate it up, but then she got pregnant and had to reevaluate her priorities, and in the end decided that it had been enough, at the very least, that Narcissa had noticed her in such a way; had _wanted_ her in that way, even if it didn’t come to fruition in the way Cassandra knew would have given her the validation she had been craving ever since she overheard Lucius calling her Narcissa’s _pet._

But then things changed.

In a way Cassandra felt a bit like she had managed to con herself, as when she first slept with Narcissa she had every intention of getting the other woman to become obsessed with her just to feed her own flimsy and fractured ego, yet in the end it was _she_ who found herself with a growing infatuation. It had managed to destroy her marriage, and while Cassandra was regretful about that, she also had fallen so deeply in love with the woman that she could not fathom returning to Peter and the life her mother had _begged_ her to have, because maybe Narcissa was who she had always wanted ever since she was a little girl.

She had been _obsessed,_ after all. _I want to be you_ turned into _I want to please you_ turned into _notice me, validate me, desire me… need me, just fucking want me after how long I’ve wanted you._ Cassandra could remember with vivid clarity the moment she realized she was in love with Narcissa, and the _horror_ that came after it because she finally saw that she had been in love with her for a very long time. She had thought she had learned by now how to control others with her sexuality, only to find that she had the very same weaknesses that she tended to exploit in others.

And that, in the end, was what made this game she was playing so very, very dangerous.

Cassandra wanted the power though. She fucking _ached_ for it; not just because it made her relationship with Narcissa easier to pursue once she had Bellatrix’s blessing, but because controlling someone like Bellatrix Lestrange made Cassandra feel like she had finally left her old life behind and become someone _worth_ a damn.

Not that being loved by Peter and by Narcissa didn’t make Cassandra feel worth something. It _did._ But there was just something about being able to make a woman who once regarded her as little more than a filthy commoner practically eat out of the palm of her hand that tasted a whole lot sweeter than anything else. It was powerful but it was _vindictive,_ and while Cassandra knew that was a terrible reason to pursue things now — as she was an adult and she shouldn’t seek to hurt Bellatrix for the grievances of her past — the little girl inside of her that had been called simple, shameful, an _embarrassment_ to the pureblood race, craved to own yet another one of those who were always considered to be her ‘betters’.

And quite frankly, Bellatrix made it _far_ too easy.

Cassandra had always had a pretty good read on the eldest Black sister; she had always known _just_ what to say or do to aggravate the hell out of her, and she seemed to only get more skilled at it as she grew older. Before, when Bellatrix lived with her, Cassandra had amused herself by driving Bellatrix insane in a furious way; now, she was having her fun driving the woman insane in a sexual way as she continuously denied Bellatrix the one thing that she wanted now that she had the explicit go ahead from Narcissa.

It was funny, honestly, watching the woman try to get somewhere while putting forth the minimal amount of effort and then getting frustrated when it didn’t work. Cassandra understood that Narcissa was easy; honestly, you could just _look_ at the woman the right way and she would be spreading her legs, but Cassandra did not plan to replicate that for her sister. If Bellatrix wanted her, and she _did,_ then she was going to have to work for it.

Not _hard,_ mind you. Cassandra knew the danger of taking her little stunt too far as she was sure Bellatrix’s patience had a limit, but for now she was enjoying this. It was a much better dynamic than the one they had previously, which was pretty much steepled in Cassandra’s lack of self-worth and Bellatrix’s desire to make Narcissa pay attention to her.

This, at least, was based on something far less self-destructive, yet equally as disastrous as it sought to complicate all their lives just a little bit more.

It was _incredibly_ satisfying though, to have Bellatrix practically bang down her bedroom door in desperation. Cassandra had taken her sweet time in answering the knock, already knowing precisely who would be on the other side of it. She had known Bellatrix had retreated to Narcissa to _complain_ , as in the end the two sisters were very much alike in that way. Bellatrix hadn’t been very pleased that her compliment towards Cassandra’s cunt didn’t immediately make the woman fall into bed with her, and Bellatrix’s frustration curled off of her like smoke when Cassandra had made a point to just _stare_ at her in response with a singular acknowledgment of, “Thanks,” acutely aware that she was not giving the woman the reaction she craved.

Bellatrix looked like she was ready to burst.

Except, in the end, how she had looked when she left turned out to be nowhere _near_ how she looked when she returned. Narcissa must have riled her up somehow, as Bellatrix looked about three seconds away from imploding if she didn’t find some way to release her sexual aggression, and thus her patience flew right out the window the second Cassandra had opened her bedroom door. The younger woman didn’t even have time to greet her before Bellatrix’s lips were on hers, the woman’s foot violently kicking the door closed behind her before practically backing Cassandra up against her dresser.

“You’re fucking beautiful, alright?” Bellatrix husked against the younger woman’s lips, her fingers lightly pressed against her throat as she encouraged Cassandra to lean her head back.

“More,” Cassandra demanded breathlessly, as while she _adored_ being ravaged, she wanted a little more effort than that. Still, Cassandra knew herself and she knew exactly where this was going to lead already, as truthfully keeping Bellatrix at arm’s length had been building to a moment she ached to see to fruition just as much as the other woman did.

Bellatrix pressed her lips against her ear, her possessive hold still on Cassandra’s throat as she continued, “And the only thing I can fucking think about lately, the only thing I want to _do_ is make you bloody _scream_ for me…” Her teeth dragged against the sensitive flesh beneath the younger woman’s ear, her hot breath making Cassandra’s hairs stand on end as she grasped onto Bellatrix’s forearm, encouraging the other woman to stay with her as she pushed a little harder.

_“More.”_

Bellatrix growled in frustration and Cassandra’s lips curled into a smirk, which the older woman erased from her face as she slid her hand upwards, her thumb pressing against Cassandra’s mouth as she gently parted the woman’s lips by dragging her thumb down her bottom one. “You’re driving me fucking insane,” she accused, which Cassandra merely responded to by leaning forward and taking Bellatrix’s thumb entirely into her mouth as she briefly sucked on it, a playfully innocent look in her eyes.

“You’re going to fuck me anyway,” Bellatrix told her, as she could already see where this was going. Her breathing had shallowed as she watched Cassandra take her finger in her mouth though, no doubt remembering how it felt to have the woman’s lips around her enchanted cock. “This game you want to play is sodding pointless.”

“To you, maybe,” Cassandra breathed after she had released the other woman’s thumb. She grasped for the woman’s dress then, pulling Bellatrix flush against her before she dragged her lips across the older woman’s cheek. “But I know the more I push your buttons, the _harder_ you’re gonna fuck me, an’ I want you to fuck me up so bloody _badly,_ Daddy, please…”

It was the first time Cassandra had called Bellatrix that without her wearing the dick first, but Cassandra knew Bellatrix didn’t have to have something strapped on to feel that way, or to have that type of energy. Besides, as Bellatrix so _thoroughly_ enjoyed the nickname, its use made it much easier for Cassandra to appeal to her as she sought to not only pull validation from, but to have control over the one person she used to believe she would never get either from.

“One more,” she pleaded as she watched Bellatrix’s pupils dilate from the term of address, her touch gentle yet possessive as her hand found Cassandra’s throat once more, her fingers caressing the hollow of it. Cassandra leaned her head back again as her eyes closed, sinking into the other woman’s touch. “One more an’ you can do whatever you’d like to me; have me in whatever way ya want… filthy, fuckin’ _depraved_ ways, I don’t ruddy care, just—”

_Just make me feel like I’m worth something before you treat my body like I’m not._

God, it was pathetic. _She_ was pathetic, honestly, and Cassandra hated herself for that. Doing this to Bellatrix was supposed to give her, at the very fucking least, a vindictive sense of _power_ as she sought to make a woman who used to regard her as little more than shit on her boots practically beg for her cunt, and yet in the end Cassandra’s insecurities won out regardless because despite all she had grown, despite all she had overcome, there was still a part of her that felt like she wasn’t good enough.

Cassandra still remembered the first time she had met Bellatrix. She was fifteen years old and the way the woman looked at her had made Cassandra feel like she shouldn’t have even been permitted to breathe the same bloody _air_ as her, let alone occupy the same space. Cassandra had been used to it at that point though, as she had never been allowed to socialize with the elite of their kind due to a surname that she was forced to tote around like a large sign that said ‘unworthy’. It wasn’t fair, honestly, that the name Burke hadn’t been good enough because of her grandparents’ desire to go against the norm and worship the old Gods, and then her own mother’s shame of having Cassandra out of wedlock.

Móra, her mother, had tried to make up for it by shrouding Cassandra’s life in a lie while instilling values in her that the upper class had solely so she could fit in and have a chance for a better life than she herself had, but in the end all it did was shred Cassandra’s self-esteem even more when she found out the truth when she was twelve years old. Looking back, Cassandra could see why she became so desperate for validation after that; she had lost her virginity at that age shortly after returning to school, just wanting to be _seen_ by somebody, to feel like she was worth something to someone, _anyone…_ because she had thought, despite her surname and despite the fact that she was too strange to have any real friends, that she innately had _value_ and as it turned out, that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Cassandra had hated herself for a very long time after that.

Cassandra _still_ hated herself to a degree, but it had lessened significantly over time. There were still parts of herself she was desperate to hide away, desperate to pretend did not exist because it was just _easier_ to exist in the life that she had made for herself if they did not. It was like she had shut down inside and because of that, it was easy to pretend the comments others made about her did not bother her. But they did, of _course_ they did.

When Cassandra had left school, when she married a pureblood with a surname that had far more respect than her own, Cassandra finally thought it was over. She was a Goyle now and she should have been respected as such, and yet there were still people like _Bellatrix_ who were there to remind that no matter how much money she had now, no matter how good she looked dressed up in fancy clothes while living in an expensive mansion with all the bloody trinkets she could ever want, it would never be enough to cover up the fact that she was still nothing more than a common whore underneath it all.

And yeah, maybe things were _different_ now. Maybe things had changed, but a part of Cassandra still felt like she needed constant reassurance that it actually _had_ because she had already sunk into the whore-routine once with Bellatrix, and Cassandra did not think her self-esteem could take a second round of that. Granted, she had _wanted_ to be treated like trash before because she had felt like it, but their dynamic was supposed to have changed. Cassandra had _wanted_ said dynamic to be her holding control over Bellatrix sexually, and perhaps to a degree she still did as Bellatrix was, admittedly, _working_ for this rather than just finding her not worth the time or effort, but there was still that _goddamn_ voice in the back of Cassandra’s head that had resided there ever since she was a little girl, reminding her of the fact that Bellatrix, and perhaps even Narcissa, would not want to touch her if they knew who she _really_ was.

“If I had wanted some kind of depraved fucking sex toy I would have bought a whore,” Bellatrix aggressively reminded her, as though she just _knew_ what Cassandra had been thinking. Then again, she _had_ been around to witness one of Cassandra’s breakdowns over being likened to a prostitute for the umpteenth time in her life. Bellatrix knew at this point that Cassandra’s self-esteem wasn’t _great_ despite the arrogant front she liked to put up, which was what made all of this harder, to be honest.

Cassandra needed, she _needed_ to keep a wall up between her and Bellatrix; there was just too much in their past that Cassandra had yet to emotionally work through, so she wanted to just focus on getting off on the attention and validation Bellatrix gave her, as it seemed far simpler than the alternative. The problem with that however, was the more the two women spent time together, the more the masks they liked to wear slipped off from time to time.

Cassandra liked to pretend she had enough confidence, sexually and otherwise, to no longer need validation from others. _Bellatrix_ liked to pretend she did not care about… well, anything. Both of those things were bullshit, as this very fucking moment proved.

“You want one more, Kitten?” Bellatrix breathed as she held the other woman’s chin in her hand, but her voice still had this _edge_ to it, this tone like Cassandra had better sodding listen to her because she would not say this twice. “I don’t _chase_ women who aren’t bloody worth it. I fucking chased you, Cassandra; I played your stupid arse game these past couple days, but I’ve caught you now so be a good girl for Daddy and give yourself to me, yeah? Tell me you’re mine and I’ll give you every _bloody_ thing you could ever ask for…”

 _God._ This, _this_ was why it was difficult. Bellatrix’s body was pressed against hers, the woman’s lips on her throat as her hand still gently grasped her chin, and it was both possessive and _soft,_ which fucked Cassandra up a little because Bellatrix treating her like this, _promising_ shit like that, made Cassandra feel powerful, yes, like maybe she had an actual hold over this woman after all, but that could so _easily_ make it so that Bellatrix had a hold on her as well, and that was something Cassandra did not want yet.

And yet still, Cassandra obliged her, because it was the only thing that made _sense_ to her in that moment.

“I’m yours,” she breathed, her eyes falling closed as Bellatrix sucked at the tender flesh beneath her ear, marking her as her fingers began to pull the dress from the younger woman’s body. Cassandra eagerly helped her before grasping Bellatrix’s wrist in her hand, her breathing uneven as she forced the woman’s fingers up against the crotch of her, admittedly, _soaked_ knickers at this point. “Fuck me, Daddy. Fuck me _up.”_

And oh, she _did._ Bellatrix didn’t even bother bringing her to the bed before practically ravaging her up against the dresser, which was great in and of itself, but what really _fucked_ Cassandra up like she had begged Bellatrix to do to her, was the fact that the other woman would not let her come. Any time she got close Bellatrix would back away, almost quelling the desperation inside of her until she brought her to the precipice over and over again, only to refuse to let her tumble into the abyss each and every time. Cassandra was, admittedly, _very_ into the tease, but eventually it began to drive her nuts and she took to pleading with Bellatrix to let her come as they found themselves tangled in the sheets of her bed.

“No.”

 _God,_ she was going to fucking die. Cassandra knew she had asked for this, but still. Was this Bellatrix’s revenge on her for making her wait so long? If so, it was probably an apt one, but Cassandra grasped for her all the same, trying to appeal to her with those wide, innocent eyes Bellatrix loved so fucking much as she made her voice higher, begging her with _Daddy, please, I promise I’ll be good_ this time and yet, once again, she was denied.

“For fuck’s sake, _why?”_ Cassandra half whined, half snapped, sounding extremely un-fucking-dignified, but at this point she really did not care. Bellatrix had pulled her hand away from her thighs again, her nails gently tracing patterns across her stomach, and even without any pressure against her clit Cassandra still felt as though the build up was unbearable. It almost _hurt_ she needed it so badly, but Bellatrix was giving her a break again and Cassandra knew it would eventually fade until she brought her right back to the edge, as that had happened far too many times now.

“Because Cissy told me I could only give you _one_ orgasm tonight,” Bellatrix finally revealed, causing Cassandra’s brow to furrow as she hadn’t realized their sex had come with _restrictions._ “I intend to make it a fucking good one.”

“Why didn’t she bloody tell me this?” Cassandra asked breathlessly, honestly a little _annoyed_ because it was as though Narcissa had just expected her to know that there were lines her and Bellatrix could not cross yet, and apparently multiple bloody orgasms was one of them. Perhaps she was just irritated because she needed to fucking _come,_ but it also felt a bit like Narcissa was setting her up to unknowingly make this arrangement become a _problem_ , even though that was probably irrational considering the entire bloody reason Narcissa had consented to this madness was because she was desperate for the problems in her life to stop.

“Because she told me this and then three bloody seconds later I was banging down your door,” Bellatrix answered as she propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at the woman next to her. She was still touching her, albeit barely as she was trying to get Cassandra to wind down enough before she wound her right the fuck back up again. “Cissy’s just trying to find some way to get off on this shit; you know she’ll eventually blow a fucking gasket over me and you if she doesn’t feel like she has some bloody _control_ over us and frankly, the bossy look on her is hot, so I’m not going to complain about it.”

Well, that was true. To be honest, Cassandra missed Narcissa topping her; she used to do it all the time back when they were merely friends with benefits, but the moment feelings got involved their sex morphed into something much more emotional. And while Cassandra _loved_ that, she sometimes missed the games they would play. Cassandra knew a large part of the reason Narcissa _stopped_ doing stuff like that with her was because she was doing it with Bellatrix, and while that had hurt for a while, in the end that was also a large part of the reason _Cassandra_ enjoyed playing games with Bellatrix.

Still, as fun as the older woman was, she was not Narcissa, and she was sure Bellatrix had the exact same sentiment when it came to her.

“How bossy we talkin’ here?” Cassandra asked curiously, trying to ignore the ache between her thighs as clearly Bellatrix did not plan to take care of that any time soon. The other woman was gently playing with the ends of her hair, having realized that continuing to touch Cassandra in any other way might make things worse as Cassandra had now lost _count_ of how many bloody times Bellatrix had done this to her. It had been at least two hours, if not longer, and even just the light scratches against her stomach were driving her mental, as Bellatrix seemed to realize before she finally pulled her hand away.

“Oh there are _rules_ we need to follow,” Bellatrix told her, the corners of her lips pulling into a smirk. “One orgasm a piece tonight— _two_ tomorrow if I choose to sacrifice one of my own to get you off twice, apparently. You’re allowed to barter with her if you want, which I’m sure will make Cissy _wet_ because once again, she’ll love the bloody control it’ll give her. Also, if you tell her I was a good bitch who got you off well, then this weekend she promises to fuck _both_ of us in, I quote, ‘the most filthy fucking way imaginable’, so I better get a _damn_ good review.”

Well. Shit— that was definitely something that sparked Cassandra’s interest, as a part of her was admittedly curious how _filthy_ Narcissa could really get. Cassandra was trying not to get offended by how much she was learning about her girlfriend sexually now that she was fucking her with Bellatrix, but truthfully it was hard not to. She understood that Narcissa had a lot of internalized shame over her desires, but Cassandra wished Narcissa had just _trusted_ her enough to tell her. They were supposed to be in love, and suddenly Cassandra felt like maybe she didn’t know Narcissa as well as she thought she had.

It was a bit shit, honestly.

“You _might_ if ya ever let me fuckin’ come,” Cassandra responded, and she honestly hadn’t meant for that to come out sounding as annoyed as it did, but she was _over-thinking_ shit again and that was the last bloody thing she wanted to do, as Cassandra didn’t need any more things weighing against her already fragile self-esteem. It was just pointless; she knew Narcissa loved her, and it wasn’t like _Cassandra_ was being entirely honest with her either with something that was, admittedly, far more important than sexual kinks, so what right did she even have to feel slighted by that?

Bellatrix though, of course, took Cassandra’s attitude as a problem with _her._ “Jesus, if you’re really that _pissed_ about it then fine; God forbid I wanted to fuck you for more than a bloody hour. I don’t know why I even fucking bother—”

“No— for _Christ’s_ sake, don’t get all… I’m good,” Cassandra assured her, grasping Bellatrix’s wrist in her hand because the woman had _moved_ and she didn’t want Bellatrix to get out of bed. She was always so goddamn _defensive,_ but maybe Cassandra should have tried to control her emotions a little better so she wasn’t projecting her Narcissa issues onto Bellatrix. “This is bloody fuckin’ _good,_ okay? It’s driving me right mental but honestly after all the buildup I’d be disappointed if we had to stop so soon, so you fuckin’ made the right call, yeah? Relax.”

“Don’t tell me to fucking relax,” Bellatrix ground out, but she at least stopped trying to pull away from her. She still looked _grumpy_ but she also seemed to realize that if _she_ wasn’t the issue, then something else was. “The fuck’s wrong then?”

“Nothin’. I’m just— wound up, yeah? It just came out wrong. S’nothin’.”

“Bullshit.”

Cassandra pursed her lips into a thin line before side-eying the other woman in her bed. “Don’t,” she warned her. “I know you don’t actually _care._ M’fine— had a moment but I’m over it.”

“I really fucking love it when women try to tell me what I do and don’t bloody care about— honestly, those are my favorite sodding moments of my life.”

Cassandra rolled her eyes. “Your abuse of sarcasm is noted— meanwhile, maybe take a second an’ think about if you should really be tuggin’ on a string when you don’t know what it’s attached to.”

Bellatrix outright scoffed at that. “I _know_ what it’s bloody attached to; because if it’s not me, it’s fucking _Cissy_.”

“I have a _husband_ too, y’know,” Cassandra reminded her, as she didn’t want Bellatrix to think her whole bloody world revolved around the two of them even though it, admittedly, kind of _did_ now. Still, she did not want to talk about her insecurities about her relationship with Narcissa to _Bellatrix,_ and so she deflected. “One I’m in the process of probably divorcing.”

“Why would you be angsting over that fat fuck while in my bed?” Bellatrix asked, like that segue would be unfathomable, which was probably a valid assumption, to be fair. “Also, why the _fuck_ would you divorce him when he’s gonna take all your bloody money? Don’t be stupid, Cassandra. If you really want to not be married that fucking badly, I can just kill him.”

“I _don’t_ want you to kill him.” She and Peter might not be in the best of places any more, but he was still a man that she had once loved very deeply. That thought, that _image_ of him was what Cassandra chose to focus on, as she could not bear to admit what he had become. Regardless, Peter didn’t deserve to die, even if he _did_ become a little controlling in the end, and fucked her out of her own money. “I just— I dunno. I dunno what I want. I just don’t want to _see_ him right now, an’ I know he’ll probably be over here soon, ‘cause of the Dark Lord bein’ here an’ everything…” Cassandra trailed off, her gaze finding the far wall as her stomach clenched in her gut. “I know it’s fuckin’ pathetic, but I’m just… scared to face ‘im right now.”

Cassandra didn’t know why she said that; admitting that kind of weakness to Bellatrix felt _wrong_ in a way, and yet it turned out that it wasn’t, as Bellatrix responded to that with a fierce, “Fuck that— if you don’t want to see him then I’ll make sure he’s not here unless it’s absolutely blood necessary; it’s really not that hard for me to scare the fuck out of _him,_ so even if I can’t keep him away indefinitely I can make damn sure he leaves you the hell alone while he’s here.”

Cassandra stared at her, disbelief washing over her features at how _automatic_ that answer was for Bellatrix. “Why?” she asked, not seeing how that would be beneficial to the other woman in the slightest.

“The fuck do you mean _why?”_ Bellatrix responded, like that question was one of the stupidest things she had ever heard. “You heard me say that if you told me you’re mine that I would give you every bloody thing you could ever ask for, right? That offer has an expiration date, obviously; I’m not gonna fucking cater to you indefinitely, but at least for tonight… maybe tomorrow, if I’m feeling generous and Narcissa doesn’t ruin shit by throwing a fit. But you want him gone? Then he’s fucking gone.”

“…Oh.” Cassandra didn’t really know what to _say_ other than that; it still felt so bloody unexpected because to be honest, she had assumed Bellatrix had meant she would give her anything she wanted _sexually_ when she said that. This made her feel… well, probably how she _shouldn’t_ feel, to be honest.

“Look, if you’re gonna get all fucking _weird_ about it then I won’t; I don’t bloody care—”

“No, I…” Cassandra began, trying to find her words as she caught the other woman’s gaze. Bellatrix was getting defensive again and it should have, it _should_ have made Cassandra feel powerful, because she was starting to see a pattern with Bellatrix’s mannerisms that were hard to ignore, but all it did was cause her stomach to twist with anxiety. But no, that wasn’t what Cassandra _wanted_ to feel, and so she shoved that into the dark corners of her mind as she tried to remind herself that this was probably a fucking inevitability anyway, and that at least it wouldn’t be _her_ who started this mess. “I appreciate it. Honestly. Just— please… don’t do anythin’ violent to keep ‘im away, yeah?”

“—Fine.” Bellatrix still looked like she was chewing on rocks though from how defensive she still was, and Cassandra tried to ignore the lurch in her chest.

She couldn’t.

“C’mere,” the younger woman breathed softly, grasping onto Bellatrix’s hand while she did something she _knew_ full-well would only complicate this bullshit for Bellatrix — and perhaps herself — even more, and pulled the other woman down into a lingering kiss.

“Thank you,” Cassandra whispered against her lips as they parted, her palm pressed against the warmth of Bellatrix cheek as she looked up at her. Bellatrix’s eyes searched hers for a moment, this _look_ on her face that Cassandra recognized and knew was bloody dangerous, yet couldn’t find it within her to stop because it felt… it felt fucking _good._ However it felt for _Bellatrix_ though, it only seemed to make her more defensive as she suddenly pulled away from her, running her hand through her unruly hair.

“It’s really not a fucking big deal.”

“It is to me.” Cassandra knew she shouldn’t even say _that,_ and yet it was for her, so the words slipped out regardless. Bellatrix pursed her lips, side-eying her for a moment before she rolled her eyes like _she_ was the one being ridiculous about this. It, honestly, annoyed Cassandra a little. “Alright, fine, I _get_ it— ya wanna downplay the shit, whatever; you don’t gotta get all bratty over it though. Sometimes it’s _okay_ to just do somethin’ nice for someone else; doesn’t mean I’m gonna read into it or anythin’—”

“Fuck you, you absolutely _were_ though— it’s just a fucking kink, alright? Spoiling my ‘pet’, or whatever; and like I said, it comes with a bloody expiration date so don’t think I’m doing it because I _like_ you or something.”

“Because God fuckin’ _forbid,_ right?” Cassandra shot back, quickly growing agitated by how Bellatrix was acting. She understood that them, together like this, might blur some weird lines from time to time, but that didn’t mean she had to be an arsehole to try to overshadow any moment where she seemed to resemble something adjacent to an actual human being. “Whatever— if this is how you’re gonna act then just get out; I can finish myself.”

 _“Hell_ no, you’re not kicking me out!” Bellatrix protested, infuriated that _that_ was the solution Cassandra automatically jumped to. “For fuck’s sake, don’t be such a _girl—”_

“I _am_ a girl, you bloody moron; or have you not noticed yet? Because for a lesbian you’d think that’d be the _first_ thing ya noticed about someone.”

“You’re so funny,” Bellatrix deadpanned, but Cassandra was pissed off now and she tried to sit up, only to be practically shoved back down on the bed by Bellatrix. “Jesus, don’t— stop fucking ruining this; Cissy is _finally_ allowing us to have some bloody fun, and _this_ is how you want it to end?”

“ _I’m_ ruining this?” Cassandra shot back, indignant. “You’re the one who wants to be a dick the second ya come close to actin’ like someone I might actually grow to _like.”_

“Oh, please— you already fucking _like_ me, so save that bullshit for someone who will believe it.”

“And yet _you_ get to claim you don’t like _me?”_ Cassandra countered. “Practically banging down the door, so desperate to be between my legs again that you gave me everythin’ I bloody asked for— I’m not playing this fuckin’ game with you, Bellatrix; I’m too bloody old for it.”

“Fine, I like _fucking_ you— happy?”

“ _Ecstatic._ Always what a woman wants to bloody hear; that their _cunt_ has more value than they do. _”_

“That’s not what I—!” Bellatrix started, beyond frustrated at this point. She stared at Cassandra with this helpless anger, clearly at a loss at how quickly this all unraveled. “That’s not what I fucking _meant,”_ she practically growled. “I already told you _once_ that I don’t chase women who aren’t bloody worth it; stop fishing for more of this bullshit.”

“I’m not _fishin’,_ I’m just tryin’ to make you see that sometimes your words are shit,” Cassandra responded, needing Bellatrix to realize how some of the things she said could be construed. She took a breath then, trying to calm down; she and Bellatrix might be naturally combative, but that didn’t mean they had to stay that way, and Bellatrix was right— this _wasn’t_ how she wanted their night to end. “An’ I’m not— I’m not sayin’ they all are. You’re actually not bloody bad when it comes to sayin’ the right things sometimes, but for fuck’s sake, the second you act like an actual human being it’s like you’re afraid I’m gonna take it as some kind of bloody declaration. You can be _nice_ without it bein’ romantic, y’know.”

“Of course I fucking know that,” Bellatrix snapped, even though they both knew that, on some level, she really _didn’t,_ which was why she was getting so bloody defensive over it. “I’ve just—” Bellatrix tried, but it seemed like she wasn’t overly comfortable nor _used_ to sharing how she felt about things, and she hesitated. Cassandra stayed patiently silent though, waiting. She wanted to hear this; she wanted to bloody _know_ why this was so goddamn difficult for her, because maybe then she could help her get over it. Finally, after a long stretch of silence, Bellatrix admitted, “I don’t fucking know; I’ve never really been _nice_ to anyone other than Cissy.”

“And Gwen, I assume.”

Emotion flickered behind Bellatrix’s dark eyes, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. “…Right.” She averted her gaze. “I’m not a fucking idiot— I know enough to be _nice_ to the women that share my bed; but this is _fucked up_ because of Narcissa. I’m trying not to…”

“Overstep?” Cassandra guessed softly, and Bellatrix exhaled a long, drawn out sigh, which was more than enough confirmation of the affirmative. “Yeah… me too.”

She knew they had _permission,_ but Narcissa still wasn’t completely comfortable and that was obvious. Neither of them wished to upset her further, but it would be unrealistic for Narcissa to think that them _doing_ this with one another wouldn’t improve their relationship at least a little.

“I mean, _fuck_ her, honestly; she’s overstepped five million fucking times by now,” Bellatrix defended. “I should be able to do what I bloody want— she _claims_ I can do whatever I bloody want now, but she— I don’t know. She fucking _shrieks_ and it’s a lot. I don’t have the effort for it anymore.”

“I doubt Cissa would condemn you for bein’ _nice_ to me though.”

Bellatrix looked at her like she had to be kidding her with that. “Do you even fucking _know_ her?”

Cassandra shot her an exasperated look. “ _Yes,_ an’ while it might be weird for her at first, I do know she has enough sense to realize that people who fuck regularly aren’t gonna continue to _hate_ one another. Besides, Cissa recognizes that she hasn’t been fair to ya now— stop overthinkin’ shit, yeah? Like I said, bein’ _nice_ isn’t necessarily romantic. I already know you got no interest in me like that, so unclench.”

“Good, ‘cause I _don’t.”_

Cassandra rolled her eyes at Bellatrix’s tone. She knew the woman was just being defensive, but it still hurt a little that she felt the need to practically be like _God, no._ “Ya don’t gotta stress it; s’not like that’d be the worst fuckin’ thing in the world. I’m not _that_ shit.”

“I didn’t say you were—!” Bellatrix began, gesturing in frustration. Her words fell away as her arms returned to her sides, and she exhaled a long breath through her nose. “You are fucking _aggravating.”_

“— _Likewise.”_

Bellatrix looked down at her for a long time, her lips that were pursed in irritation slowly loosening as she allowed her eyes to rake over Cassandra’s nude form. In the end, no matter how much they butted heads, both of them still enjoyed this too much to let it ruin the only part of their relationship that _didn’t_ need work. “You’re sexy as _fuck_ though,” Bellatrix acknowledged, and although it was probably ridiculous, Cassandra felt her own aggravation melt away as the corners of her lips quirked. She really did _enjoy_ the other woman’s attention sexually; she could not deny that.

“…Yeah?” Cassandra playfully prodded, allowing her fingers to gently play with the ends of her hair before dusking the strands across her nipple. Bellatrix _stared,_ and Cassandra loved it. She gently bit down on her bottom lip as she looked up at the woman that was practically hovering over her now. “An’ what are ya gonna do about that?”

Because really, in the end, this was probably the only way they were ever going to stop arguing anyway.

Bellatrix’s hand found her abdomen, her nails gently raking a torturous path southward as she leaned down, her lips dusking the curvature of the younger woman’s jaw. “What do you _want_ me to do about it, Kitten?” she breathed, and Cassandra had to suppress a whimper as suddenly the other woman’s fingers got lost in her folds. Although she had had ample time to calm down from the last peak Bellatrix had made her reach, the acute reminder that she hadn’t _come_ yet caused Cassandra to push her hips into the other woman’s hand as she rolled her head to the side, allowing Bellatrix’s tongue to map a path to her ear. Cassandra shuddered, her nails piercing the older woman’s back as she held her to her.

“Anythin’… _everythin’—_ fuck, do me in the bloody arse, I really don’t ruddy care.”

Cassandra could feel Bellatrix smirk against her neck before she briefly dipped her finger inside of her, coating it with the younger woman’s arousal. “You _know_ I will,” Bellatrix warned her, her hand falling further south. “So I hope you’re sure.”

“Did I fuckin’ stutter?” Cassandra asked breathlessly, causing Bellatrix to snort in amusement. After all, the other woman _had_ had her tongue in there before; using her fingers wasn’t that much of a stretch. Besides, it wasn’t like Narcissa had ever offered to do anal with her before, so it had been a very long time since Cassandra had done it. “Do what ya want with me, just— _one_ more, yeah? Tease me one more time, but then I gotta… I _need_ to come. Please.” Cassandra tangled her fingers in Bellatrix’s hair, tugging on it a little to encourage the woman to get out from her neck so she could look at her. “ _Please,_ Daddy…” she reiterated, because she was _serious;_ there was, honestly, only so much she could take of this. “Please.”

Bellatrix smiled wickedly. “Well, since you asked so _nicely…”_

That would no doubt become the problem though, in the end; them being _nice_ to one another. Cassandra knew it too, yet because she didn’t want to have a sexual relationship with Bellatrix if they didn’t like one another one on some kind of baseline level at the _very_ least, she chose not to stop it. But in her defense, if Narcissa wanted this thing to work between them, then there needed to be a mutual understanding on all of their parts, and that understanding had to be that _all_ of their relationships might change with one another after doing something like this.

Cassandra doubted it would ever become anything really _romantic_ with her and Bellatrix though, as it wasn’t like either of them were interested in dating the other, and she very much doubted they were even _compatible_ in that way, but doing something like this still ran the risk of confusing things between them. Cassandra began to realize that she shouldn’t have been so quick to dismiss Narcissa’s assumptions before that it _wouldn’t b_ ecause, quite honestly, her own track record in that area wasn’t great, and Bellatrix had apparently never been nice to anyone she didn’t have _feelings_ for, which could easily make her develop a crush in some kind of backwards way if they weren’t careful.

In that moment though, with Bellatrix’s fingers buried in her arse and her mouth on her cunt as she brought the woman beneath her to yet another maddening precipice, Cassandra found she _far_ from cared about the future, as the present was sweet enough to ignore how sour this could all turn if they ended up crossing a line that Narcissa found she wasn’t very comfortable with.

**TBC…**


	2. PART II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So to forewarn you guys, I actually went back and wrote Parts 1-3 of this _after_ I had already written chapter 45, as originally I just planned to make a (granted, very _long_ ) one shot after a specific reveal in CR that would encompass the entire progression of their relationship. Thankfully, as that reveal has actually been pushed back even more in CR now as I decided it was better to just have Narcissa know and not Bellatrix just yet, my wife convinced me that doing it this way was better. However, because of that, in this chapter in particular (mostly due to the few weeks time skip) there are some things that are brushed over in the interim that are actually explained more or better in Narcissa's POV that you'll get in CR on Saturday. I just didn't want to be repeating myself when I wrote this, but I did not think about the intended order of these chapters at the time and well, now it's too late to edit, so if you read about something in this and are a little confused about something or think it needs more of an explanation, I promise you it's coming on Saturday. Sorry. Granted, there is also the possibility that I actually explained stuff _fine_ and that I'm being paranoid, lmao, so if that's the case just ignore me.

**PART II  
** [ Between Chapters 43 & 44 ]

* * *

Fortunately, Bellatrix seemed to listen when Cassandra told her that being _nice_ didn’t necessarily mean that she had to have romantic intentions. _Un_ fortunately, it seemed that only meant Bellatrix had convinced herself that how she was acting wasn’t romantic at all, despite the fact that it now seemed a little… _well._

Because it had been a few weeks now, and it wasn’t just _sex_ anymore— although that still played the largest role in their relationship. It was the way Bellatrix _looked_ at her, the way her touches lingered a little too long and how she went out of her way to do, admittedly, minimal favors for her, but _favors_ no less, as it signified the beginning of something that Cassandra could not ignore any longer.

“Get the fuck out of that chair, rat; can’t you see one of your betters needs somewhere to sit?” and “Why the fuck does that useless house elf keep giving you _bacon?!”_ Which, while the intention was greatly appreciated, she and Bellatrix did end up getting into a screaming fight over it because she had _tortured_ the thing due to its mistake, and when Cassandra had yelled at her to stop reacting to shit so bloody psychotically all the time, Bellatrix had snapped at her that she was fucking _ungrateful_ and that she didn’t know why she even bloody bothered.

They were combative still, yes, but it never lasted. They always fucked their aggression out either by themselves or with Narcissa in the middle of them as they blatantly competed for the woman’s attention before gravitating toward one another, and then after a few orgasms Bellatrix would be back to calling her _kitten_ as she subconsciously groomed and catered to her, being overly touchy with her and giving Cassandra kisses in greeting and in parting just as she did to Narcissa. Truthfully, at first Cassandra had felt a little guilty about that, but in the end, she had to remind herself that this was what Narcissa had _wanted,_ and for something like this to work, it had to be a little more than just sex between the two of them because it was a _lot_ more than sex between her and Narcissa, and between Narcissa and Bellatrix.

Honestly, Cassandra knew something like this was going to happen after the two sisters had that huge fight about how _Narcissa_ was allotted something ‘normal’ and yet Bellatrix was not. Bellatrix _loved_ Narcissa; she loved her with an intensity Cassandra had never seen before as it was both passionate yet absolutely psychotic, but Bellatrix knew as well as her sister that it was not good for her and therefore wished to have something balance it out the same as Narcissa did. She was so bloody _desperate_ for something a little saner that it seemed Bellatrix did not care who she got it from, as in the end she had chosen to latch on to someone she had not only despised once, but also wanted to murder in what Cassandra was sure would have been a grotesque fashion should Bellatrix have had the chance.

It had frightened her, honestly. Cassandra had this _thing_ with acting as though Bellatrix did not bother her, but that was because the woman already had so much power over her just from being born a Black. Cassandra sought to strip that from her even with the most minor of offenses like not having the _audacity_ to be scared of someone like her, but she was. Objectively anyway; Bellatrix _was_ a rather terrifying and capable woman, and she had heard more than enough stories from Peter. In the end though, Cassandra was still confident that Narcissa’s love protected her more than condemned her, and that because Bellatrix was so caught up in catering to Narcissa even when she hated her, that she couldn’t hurt her even if she really wanted to, as Bellatrix would have been unable to bear the consequences of her actions should she have really destroyed something that Narcissa truly loved. Perhaps it was nothing more than just overconfidence to the point of utter fucking stupidity, but Cassandra was naturally combative anyway and doubted she would have been able to keep her mouth closed even if she _didn’t_ have Narcissa as a shield.

Regardless, Cassandra was glad she never had to find out if her assumptions were true. The Unbreakable Vow Narcissa and Lucius had manipulated Bellatrix into taking had effectively changed the direction of all of their lives, as there was no discernible way a solution like _this_ could have ever come to fruition without it. The Vow also dictated the way Bellatrix treated Cassandra, as the younger woman was _sure_ that Bellatrix would have never been this gentle with her if she wasn’t forced to be. To that end though, the dynamic they were made to have with one another had definitely screwed a bit with Bellatrix’s perception of things, as Cassandra was fairly certain that the other woman’s developing crush on her was mostly down to the fact that Bellatrix had to be _soft_ with her, and she had never been soft with anyone except someone that she had feelings for her.

It was absolutely backwards, but it still seemed to garner the same results.

Cassandra couldn’t pretend that she did not enjoy the attention though. The problem was that she felt like she was still enjoying it for all the wrong reasons, as while there had been _moments_ where she felt like maybe Bellatrix was someone she could grow fond of after all, there was still this part of her that had yet to heal from her childhood trauma, and not just people _like_ Bellatrix — not just the upper class, not just the purebloods — but Bellatrix _herself,_ had been a large part of that.

Cassandra knew that it had been a very long time ago, at least for the most part, but the problem was that she _also_ knew that was only because Bellatrix had been in prison for fifteen years. If she had been around, she absolutely would have continued treating Cassandra like second-class trash, and they both knew it. Cassandra had _barely_ seen Bellatrix after the woman got out of prison until recently, as Narcissa had hidden her away for her own safety, and then when Cassandra _was_ around, Bellatrix was more focused on calling her a whore and then subsequently _treating_ her like one just because of her desire to ruin Cassandra and Narcissa’s relationship, and not just because she thought that was all the younger woman was worth.

Cassandra didn’t blame Bellatrix for how she treated her during their affair though. At the end of the day, it was what she had _wanted._ As she had felt rather worthless at the time, Cassandra allowed herself to drown in the degradation because it was easier than accepting that perhaps she too was party to her own misery just as much as she always claimed Narcissa was. Because in the end, she had known _exactly_ what she was getting into when she climbed into Narcissa’s bed, and yet somehow was still woefully unprepared for the emotional blow that Narcissa’s priorities had dealt her. It had worked out for the better, obviously, but even if it hadn’t, Cassandra would never condemn Bellatrix for something she had practically _begged_ for.

She did, however, condemn her for how she made her feel when she was young, as she had _never_ asked for that.

She couldn’t _talk_ to Bellatrix about it though. Cassandra wasn’t stupid; she already knew that Bellatrix had about the emotional maturity and understanding of a bloody garden gnome and that if she tried the other woman either would not care as it was a million years ago, or would get defensive over it and practically gaslight Cassandra into believing that she was over dramatic about it just because Bellatrix never wanted to deal with the emotional consequences of her actions. So in the end, there was no other resolution other than the hope that the sting would lessen in time, because Cassandra honestly hated that she held on to these types of feelings. She was different now and it shouldn’t _matter,_ and yet…

Truthfully, Cassandra _knew_ why she had a difficult time moving past it, and it was down to herself and her own insecurities she had about the aspects of her life she was very guarded and secretive about. In that respect, it felt unfair to keep Bellatrix at arm’s length due to something that was not her fault, but because of those things her past still haunted her, and, unfortunately, a lot of the stuff in her past that fucked her up was how she had been treated, and Bellatrix was a large part of that.

There was a part of Cassandra, the little rejected girl that still resided inside of her, that truthfully _wanted_ to hurt Bellatrix emotionally in return, which would be so goddamn easy to do now that things between them had changed. Thankfully, the rational, adult part of her knew that would be awful, so while Cassandra at least allowed that little girl inside of her the satisfaction of making Bellatrix want her, of allowing Bellatrix to spoil her and cater to her every whim just because she batted her eyes at her and called her _Daddy_ , that was as far as Cassandra was willing for it to go, even though it seemed _Bellatrix_ was ready to take the next step.

Cassandra hadn’t been expecting it though, honestly. Yes, it had now been weeks of this— of the lines between them blurring, of the constant and very obvious signs that Bellatrix was developing a crush on her, but quite frankly, Cassandra did not think Bellatrix would ever attempt something like this because they both knew that even with Narcissa’s ‘permission’ now, if the woman found out about this she would lose. Her. _Shit._

It was Narcissa’s night with Lucius though, so thankfully she was otherwise occupied when Bellatrix practically vaulted over a line that Cassandra hadn’t realized they were close to crossing yet. Their night had started out fairly standard though, save the fact that Bellatrix had a _gift_ for her. It wasn’t anything over the top, it wasn’t fancy or expensive in any way, but it still _meant_ something because of the kind of relationship they had. It was a simple black collar with KITTEN etched across its band, which caused Cassandra to wonder what she had gotten _Narcissa_ in turn, as Bellatrix had been making a point lately not to make it seem like she was prioritizing another woman over the one who she truly loved.

Narcissa wasn’t stupid though, and Cassandra was sure that she knew why her sister was putting in the extra effort to treat her a little better than normal lately, but as Narcissa seemed to _enjoy_ the attention Bellatrix was giving her, she had yet to comment on it. Cassandra knew it was coming though; eventually, her sister’s changed behavior was going to be too much for Narcissa to ignore, but for now the blonde had chosen to live in ignorance as she no doubt thought she didn’t have _too_ much to be concerned about at the moment.

But maybe she was wrong.

Cassandra probably should have seen this coming though, to be fair, but after Bellatrix had given her her gift, Cassandra had wasted no time putting it on, and suddenly the two of them were caught up in another wave of passion that ended up obscuring the obvious. Cassandra couldn’t _think_ about anything else other than the edge of the vanity that was pressing uncomfortably into her thighs, the coldness of the mirror in front of her as her palm lay flat against the glass; in that moment, the only goddamn thing she was even aware of was Bellatrix’s fingers wrapped around her choker while the woman’s dick was buried in her cunt from behind and, God, Cassandra was practically _whimpering_ she was so bloody wanton.

“Please, please,” she begged, her fingernails scraping helplessly against the reflective surface as her gaze met Bellatrix’s within it, seeing the other woman’s eyes black with desire, her full lips parted as she rested them against the younger woman’s ear. Bellatrix was panting with each thrust and the feeling of her breath against her sensitive skin was driving Cassandra insane as she reached back, tangling her fingers in a mess of black hair as she leaned her head back and pulled Bellatrix closer to her.

“You look fucking _delicious_ like this, Kitten,” Bellatrix husked into her ear, her grip still firm on the collar she had given her. Unfortunately, she had to hold it from the side instead of the back, and _very_ carefully, as she didn’t want to cut off Cassandra’s oxygen due to the Vow and its consequences should she hurt her. Cassandra hated it, honestly; she _wished_ Bellatrix could be a little rougher with her, but as there was no known way to _break_ an Unbreakable Vow without death being involved, this was what they had to work with.

Cassandra lolled her head against Bellatrix’s as she felt the other woman purposely slow down then, wishing to prolong this. The dick was sliding in and out of her at an agonizing pace now, and Cassandra widened her stance and leaned back a little more, wanting to watch it disappear back inside of her while she stared at her cunt’s reflection in the mirror. “Mmm…” Cassandra moaned softly, having let go of the vanity in favor of holding on to the woman behind her in order to hold her steady. Her fingernails scratched lightly against Bellatrix’s scalp, her breathing exhaling in uneven bursts as her gaze found the other woman’s once more. “You feel so _good_ inside me, Daddy… Please, please don’t stop…”

Bellatrix’s lips fell to her shoulder, her teeth scraping against the younger woman’s freckled skin. She didn’t bite down though, but then again, _biting_ was a fine line they weren’t entirely comfortable experimenting with often in case they crossed a line Bellatrix wouldn’t be able to come back from. Instead the other woman kissed the base of Cassandra’s neck, her words vibrating the baby hairs that covered its surface. “Why the fuck would I ever stop?” Bellatrix murmured, but it seemed like she was talking to herself more than responding to Cassandra, and the moment Bellatrix realized that she had done so she sought to overshadow it as suddenly she was bending Cassandra over the vanity, fisting her hand in her hair, and going to bloody _town_ on her cunt.

“Fuck— _fuck,_ Bellatrix, oh my… _fuckin’…_!” Cassandra cried out, nearly choking on her words as she barely had time to _breathe_ let alone do anything else, but God, it felt _far_ too good for Cassandra to care. Her pelvic area was going to be sore as hell tomorrow, but thankfully tomorrow was her ‘rest’ day as it was _Narcissa’s_ day with Bellatrix, which at least would give Cassandra enough time to recuperate before their next threesome, which was the following evening. Honestly, their schedule now was _weird_ and oddly organized, but it worked, and that was what mattered.

Bellatrix was pounding into her so hard and so fast that her movements became erratic, and at one point she pulled back too far, causing the dick to slip out of the woman beneath her. Bellatrix swore in irritation, but Cassandra used to opportunity to hoist herself back up and she turned around, flushed and out of breath as she quite literally _shoved_ Bellatrix a few steps backwards until she was at the edge of the bed, wanting to do something that they hadn’t in quite a long time.

The other woman looked a little taken aback by her aggressiveness, and tried to hold on to her control with, “Did I fucking _say—?”_

“ _I_ said,” Cassandra corrected her as she roughly guided Bellatrix down on the mattress and swung her legs over her, sitting astride her lap. Bellatrix, for all her outward desire to top her, still allowed the change of position, albeit with a light growl of warning. “I _want,”_ Cassandra corrected breathlessly, knowing that would be better for the dynamic the other woman wanted them to have. “Please, gimme what I want, Daddy…?” she breathed as she leaned in, allowing her lips to dusk across Bellatrix’s as her hand began to stroke the enchanted cock between the older woman’s thighs. “ _Spoil_ me; I know ya want to…”

Bellatrix chuckled low in her throat, her fingers gently pulling on the collar around her pet’s neck. “Think I've already spoiled you enough for one bloody day. Although if you give me one good reason why I should, I _might_ consider it."

“'Cause I want _more,”_ Cassandra breathed passionately as she positioned the cock at her entrance, continuing to stroke it as she allowed her lips to brush across Bellatrix’s sharp cheekbones. She hadn’t ridden Bellatrix since the day after they had begun their little affair, and while that had been steeped in anger and self-loathing at the time, it had still managed to give her a feeling of power that she had sorely needed back then.

She did _not_ need that power now, as Bellatrix already ate out of the fucking palm of her hand, but this was why Cassandra knew most of this unfolding disaster was, admittedly, her own goddamn fault. She _loved_ doing this to Bellatrix, she loved controlling the woman who acted as though she owned her, and to that end Cassandra slowly slid the dick inside of her as she whispered against her cheek, “I want it _all,_ I want _—_ fuck, _everythin’…”_ Because in the end, she _didn’t_ need Bellatrix’s permission to get what she wanted, and they both knew that. If she wanted to ride Bellatrix, then she damn well was going to.

“Promise me,” Cassandra gasped against her lips as she grasped Bellatrix’s face in her palm, feeling the other woman’s uneven breaths against her cheek as she slowly began to raise and lower her hips. “Promise me, Daddy— say you’ll give me everythin’…”

Bellatrix groaned, her fingers digging into the younger woman’s hips as she gave in so very, very easily to Cassandra’s desires. “I’d tear down this fucking _city_ to give you what you wanted, Kitten,” she growled passionately, and a victorious smirk crossed Cassandra’s face before she allowed their lips to meet, their kiss a mess of teeth and tongue as Cassandra proved once again that this was probably all her fucking fault, because she got _off_ on this. She couldn’t help it. This was a type of power she had never tasted before, and she found herself bloody _drowning_ in it.

Cassandra knew she should stop, as she was definitely making this more passionate than she probably should, but the problem was that it felt too bloody good to. It made her feel wanted, it made her feel _validated,_ and Bellatrix’s arms around her as she pulled her closer to her made her feel protected and like she was fucking worth something, and that was _terrible_ because she already felt those things when she was with Narcissa, and she shouldn’t _want_ any more than that because she already knew it was going to lead somewhere she wasn’t ready for.

“You’re so _fucking_ beautiful, Jesus…” Bellatrix panted against her lips, causing the pit of Cassandra’s stomach to twist in her gut in a way that it shouldn’t yet, because it was too goddamn soon for her to be feeling this way.

_Stop, stop…_

“—Don’t stop,” Cassandra begged, her nails practically clawing at the other woman’s back as she rode her, Bellatrix’s hips meeting her thrust for thrust as she held onto her arse, her touch possessive and bruising as she made quick work of the woman in her arms. The angle allowed some delicious friction against her clit and Cassandra came with a shuddered moan, the contractions around the cock allowing Bellatrix to follow shortly afterward. Cassandra went limp as she fell into the other woman’s arms, her face buried in a mess of dark curls as she struggled to catch her breath. Bellatrix’s own chest was heaving, the rise and fall of her breasts pressing into Cassandra’s as her fingers lightly curled around the younger woman’s hips, for the first time allowing her to _stay_ with her after an orgasm.

And suddenly, Cassandra realized how _bad_ and _terrifying_ that was.

Fuck. Fuck. Get off, get off, _get off!_

Despite her frantic thoughts, it still took quite a bit of effort for Cassandra to peel herself off of the other woman, and she ended up hissing softly as the dick fell out of her. “Christ,” she panted as she rolled over onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Her cunt was throbbing, but it was an _amazing_ feeling and she just laid there for a while, basking in it as Bellatrix unstrapped the phallus from her groin, allowing it to fall forgotten to the floor.

And then she laid next to her.

Not on top of her or anything— it wasn’t like they were _snuggling_ because Cassandra was sure her brain would have stopped functioning if Bellatrix did something as unexpected as _that,_ but there wasn’t a whole lot of space between them either, which was… new. After they had their orgasms, usually they went their separate ways unless they were going to _continue_ fucking which… they could, and while a part of Cassandra _wanted_ that, another part of her knew she had already crossed a line and she didn’t want to stay and make it any worse.

So she immediately sat up.

Bellatrix looked annoyed. “What, that’s it? Are we fucking done?”

Yes. They _needed_ to be, but—

But Cassandra fucking _hated_ the way Bellatrix was looking at her right now. It made her stomach feel heavy as her chest constricted beneath her ribcage. “No, I just— need some water or somethin’. Gimme a sec.”

Bellatrix watched her attempt to flee for a moment, her brow furrowed before she stopped her with, “—Hey.” Cassandra froze before she got to the bathroom door, chewing on her bottom lip and turning on the spot to face the woman who had called out to her. Bellatrix looked… well, Cassandra didn’t want to say _awkward_ as that word felt like it didn’t fit into the woman’s personality, but that was the closest word she could think of. Bellatrix kind of did this little jerk of her head towards the door. “You wanna get the fuck out of here?”

Cassandra’s brow knit even further. “What, you mean like— fuck somewhere other than your room? ‘Cause I might be into a _lot,_ but there’s way too many fuckin’ people in this house an’ I ain’t about to do the exhibitionism thing unless it’s in front of Narcissa.” A beat. “Or Lucius.”

“ _Disgusting,_ and never happening again, by the way— I’m so sodding _sick_ of that man touching what’s mine — but not what I bloody meant. Just— I don’t know. You ever been to a sex club?”

Cassandra blinked, wondering if she heard her correctly. Not that that wouldn’t be something she was into, because it _would,_ but the fact that Bellatrix was offering to take her out was a little… it was a _lot._ It was also a lot that Bellatrix was trying to stake some kind of claim on her, because they hadn’t discussed boundaries before and Cassandra wasn't entirely sure if she liked Bellatrix telling her _no,_ despite the fact that her own interest in Lucius had waned since finding herself in the older woman’s bed. It was absolutely the principle of the matter though, and Cassandra’s nose wrinkled.

“Jesus, don’t fucking look at me like that; I didn’t mean like a _date_ or anything—”

Except that it _absolutely_ sounded like a date.

“—I’m just getting so fucking _bored_ here, and it’s not like we haven’t been out together before. I can just wear Cissy’s face again—”

That sounded like a recipe for _murder,_ but apparently Bellatrix wasn’t thinking clearly, and Cassandra knew it was entirely her fault as she chewed guiltily on the inside of her cheek.

“—I just haven’t been out of the house to do something fucking _normal_ since you took me to get new clothes, and I know you’d like a sex club more than _Cissy_ would, so I figured… I don’t fucking know, that I’d just see if you wanted to come too. ‘Cause I’m going by myself, with or without you— which is why this is _not_ a bloody date—”

Still sounded a bit like a date, and a lot like some bullshit; Narcissa would _kill_ her if she went out and fucked random people at a sex club, and they both knew it. Bellatrix was still _babbling_ though, and it was a bit jarring to witness as Cassandra was pretty sure she had never heard the woman string together this many words unless she was screaming.

“But if we go it would just be easier, or whatever, to do what we did last time with the Polyjuice potion, since _that_ didn’t end in a shit show. Cissy will probably be pissed, but she always is and if she shrieks too badly I can always wear someone else’s face— fucking Alecto’s, or…”

Cassandra’s lip curled at the prospect. She did _not_ like that woman.

“Fine, whatever, I’ll convince Cissy, I don’t care— I just want to get the fuck out of here. I want to feel like a normal goddamn person for like three seconds and I know _she_ won’t want to come with me and that you _might,_ so. For _sex,_ not a fucking date— just to make that clear _again_ since you’re still looking at me like I have four goddamn heads.” Bellatrix looked torn between being embarrassed and angry that this wasn’t being received as well as she clearly hoped it would. “Jesus, Cassandra, it’s not _that_ big of a fucking deal.”

“No, I—” Cassandra tried, but her words failed her and she kind of just looked at Bellatrix’s helplessly, anxiety twisting in the base of her gut. God, what had she done? What the fuck, what the _fuck…_

Bellatrix exhaled an exasperated breath as she violently pushed herself off the bed. “Fine, just fucking forget it—”

“No, don’t get— please, just… lemme fuckin’ process shit for a second, yeah?” Cassandra pleaded, not wanting Bellatrix to just get _pissed off_ before she even had a chance to respond. She felt very overwhelmed all of a sudden and it must have shown on her face, as it only caused Bellatrix to get even more defensive.

“What the fuck is there to _process?_ I said it wasn’t a bloody date—”

“Right. _Four_ times now,” Cassandra reminded her, trying to explain to her without outright _telling_ her that usually, when someone goes out of their way to reiterate something a million times, it’s usually to try to convince the other person that the truth wasn’t the truth at all.

But Bellatrix didn’t get it. “Right, exactly, so what the fuck is your problem?”

“Nothin’— I didn’t _say_ I had a problem, I’m just…” Cassandra tried, running an unsteady hand through her hair. Narcissa was going to _kill_ her. While this was no doubt an inevitability, and while this was something Narcissa had already realized could happen one day, it was just— it was too soon. It was _way_ too soon, and Narcissa wasn’t ready to deal with something like this.

_Cassandra_ wasn’t ready for something like this.

“I just can’t,” she said finally, regrettably, even though a part of her really _wanted_ to. It sounded like fun, even though she was _well_ aware (at least more than Bellatrix) that if they did do that, there was no _way_ Narcissa would have allowed her to wear her face in a _sex club._ Still, they could have figured something else out. It was definitely something that was up Cassandra’s alley, Bellatrix wasn’t wrong about that, but… _but._

“Why the fuck not?” Bellatrix asked, trying to come off like Cassandra was the one who sounded ridiculous for turning down something so ‘casual’. Her voice was a little strained though and Cassandra _hated_ herself for that because Bellatrix was just supposed to be some stupid power trip; some way to feed her fractured fucking ego due to the bullshit in her childhood while simultaneously being able to keep a relationship with Narcissa, as the only way _they_ would ever work was if her and Bellatrix were no longer at war, and yet now…

War was clearly the last fucking thing on Bellatrix’s mind, and Cassandra did not know how to handle that even though this was _exactly_ what she had been perpetuating, and she knew that. It was stupid and it was reckless and now she was basically playing with Bellatrix’s feelings and that was _shitty,_ which was why they really needed to take a step back before this went any bloody further.

“Because we’re not…” Cassandra began with a small, apologetic sigh. She didn’t know how to say this any other way, and so she was blunt about it. “We’re not _there_ yet.”

“’There’? There _where?”_

Cassandra shot her an exasperated look. “Don’t act stupid, Bellatrix—”

“I’m not fucking acting stupid; I told you this wasn’t a bloody date—”

_“Five_ times now.”

“Stop bloody counting it!” Bellatrix snapped, and alright, perhaps she shouldn’t keep pointing it out, but did Bellatrix really not see how she was acting? She wasn’t subtle by any means. “Jesus fucking Christ, do you just crave drama or something; is _that_ why you want me to ask you on a sodding date? Because I get enough of that from Cissy; the last fucking thing I want is another woman in my life orchestrating this bullshit!”

Okay, that wasn’t fair, and although Cassandra had been _trying_ to let her down gently, she was beginning to get frustrated by the other woman’s defensiveness. “Stop turning this around on me just ‘cause you’re upset I turned ya down—”

Anger etched into Bellatrix’s expression and she gestured wildly, crossing the distance between them. “Fuck you, you didn’t turn me _down—_ I’d have to have fucking asked you out for you to do that!”

“You _did_ ask me out!” Cassandra exclaimed, not understanding how this woman’s thought process even _worked_ anymore. No wonder Narcissa went mental all the time; although, to be fair, it wasn’t like Narcissa was great at expressing herself either. They both were a mess, but they were… _Christ._ They were _her_ messes, weren’t they?

Play stupid games, win fucked up prizes; yet Cassandra knew she was just as fucked up as they were, so it wasn’t as though she could hate it. The Black sisters were her kindred spirits, but that was probably in no way a _good_ thing. Still, it was her thing nonetheless.

“I asked if you wanted to go somewhere with me since _I_ was already going to bloody go—” She wasn’t. “I didn’t _plan_ it around you.” She had. “My life doesn’t fucking end and my plans don’t fucking change based on _your_ decision, therefore it’s not a goddamn _date!”_ It was.

Also, that was number six now, which meant this had already passed the line of ridiculous. Thankfully, Cassandra had enough sense not to say it out loud, but the look on her face didn’t leave much to interpretation.

“Fine, fuck, stop yellin’ at me— if you say it’s not a date then it’s not, I don’t bloody care anymore, but the fact still fuckin’ remains that whether it’s a date or not, it doesn’t change my decision,” she snapped, before realizing that she was probably making this worse by being combative. God, sometimes it was just so _bloody_ hard to have a conversation with Bellatrix though. Still, Cassandra tried to diffuse it by catching the other woman’s gaze and stressing sincerely, “I’m _sorry._ ”

Bellatrix, of course, outright scoffed at that. “Don’t fucking apologize to me like you think I care. I _don’t._ Do whatever the fuck you want— doesn’t affect my life any.”

“Fine.”

_“Fine!”_

Cassandra pursed her lips, her expression etching in upset as she crossed her arms over her chest. She didn’t know what to do. She knew this was her fault, which made it so much worse, and she knew she had just _hurt_ Bellatrix by rejecting her even though she wasn’t trying to, and even though Bellatrix would _never_ admit it. She thought she was doing the right thing by not letting this go any further considering she still had her own issues to deal with, but _was_ she?

“…I’m sorry.”

Bellatrix’s arms were folded across her chest as well now, but her stance was far more aggressive. “I said stop fucking apologizing.”

“No, I’m— I’m not sorry about the not-date,” Cassandra correctly softly as she leaned against the bureau, folding her arms even further into herself. “I’m sorry ‘bout _me._ I know I… act one way an’ then turn ‘round and say another, but I’m just…” She trailed off, her gaze finding the ground. She felt so fucking stupid. She practically dangled something like this on a stick for Bellatrix and then ripped it away, and that wasn’t fair to her. She really needed to start getting a hold of herself; she used to lecture Narcissa endlessly on her selfish behavior that perpetuated the negative consequences in her life, and yet what was she doing now but the same kind of thing?

“Can we just… go back?” Cassandra asked softly, looking up to meet the other woman’s gaze. “Go back to how it was? Pretend that… I dunno, this didn’t fuckin’ happen? I feel like I fucked it up.”

That, and Cassandra did _not_ want Narcissa knowing that Bellatrix had asked her on a date, even if it _wasn’t a date._ She knew Narcissa would not be happy with it, but since she had said _no_ there was no need for her to know, as Cassandra did not want to needlessly hurt her. This whole thing had to be gone about delicately, but the problem was Bellatrix was about as delicate as a troll in an apothecary, and Cassandra was too busy flip-flopping back and forth that she couldn’t control what she was destroying in the process.

“Fucked _what_ up? Nothing’s sodding changed,” Bellatrix told her, albeit a little defensively. Cassandra pursed her lips, but said nothing. Bellatrix looked at her for a long moment before she exhaled a long sigh and moved to lean against the bureau next to Cassandra, her arms still crossed. Their elbows touched, and although Cassandra was _acutely_ aware of it, she didn’t move away. She had run from her enough. Instead, she just turned her head to look at her.

“You’re making this into some kind of fucking thing, and it’s _not,”_ Bellatrix continued, although her voice didn’t sound as accusing as it had before. It was more explanatory than anything else, despite her tone still holding a little bit of an _edge_ because she no doubt did not want to accept what she had done, or what she may have been feeling now that it hadn’t been received as well as she had hoped. “It’s just sex, Cassandra. I like to _fuck_ you, and I maybe wanted to fuck you somewhere other than this house for once. That’s bloody it.”

“…Right.”

Cassandra didn’t argue, because what would be the point? If Bellatrix wanted to live in denial, it was easier for them both in the long run. It wouldn’t last, and Cassandra knew that, but for now it at least gave her the emotional space that she needed to sort out her issues, and that was what mattered.

She just hoped, in the end, that it wouldn’t take very long, because if nothing else, Cassandra knew she was running out of time.

**TBC…**


	3. PART III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 10 year anniversary to the Toujours Pur series! On December 2, 2010, the first chapter of “Amphierotic Bloodlines” was posted on fanfiction.net :) We have something special going on for the anniversary [on the Discord](https://discord.com/invite/gbhb24N) if you guys haven’t joined yet!

**PART III  
**[ During Chapter 45 ]

* * *

The last couple days had given Cassandra such terrible emotional whiplash that it now felt like one of the best nights of her life was nothing more than a distant dream.

The ring Narcissa had given her was pressed between her thumb and her forefinger as she gave it one last look, the glint of the large diamond in the center catching Cassandra’s eye before she hid it away in her nightstand drawer. That ring had been so _bloody_ important to her two days ago, but now in the wake of everything else, it just seemed like an object. And that made her feel terrible, because it truly was one of the happiest moments in Cassandra’s life, but the bubble they had all lived in for the last few weeks had popped rather violently, and the reality of their situation began to sink in.

Bellatrix was two floors down being _tortured_ for trying to make Narcissa’s son not look like a failure in front of the Dark Lord. Draco was no doubt scarred from his ordeal, but thankfully he had lived through it. Narcissa was now being used as a tool to keep Bellatrix in line under the threat of torture herself, and suddenly the real _fear_ of being trapped in this house with some of the most dangerous people in the world was beginning to overtake Cassandra as everything else faded in the wake of it.

It no longer mattered, really, what was developing between her and Bellatrix. It no longer mattered what all of their relationships even looked like or how it was going to _work,_ when that had been the majority of Cassandra’s turmoil for the better part of the last week. She had other things to think about now though, other things to _care_ about as she retreated downstairs to the kitchen and began gathering up some ingredients to create the same kind of herbal remedies her mother used to make when she was a girl. Cassandra skipped making the potion she used to use for pain whenever Gregory got hurt, as Narcissa’s insistence that Bellatrix would want to _learn_ from her mistakes made it clear she would not wish to be healed completely, but as Narcissa had begged her not to allow Bellatrix to leave the marks he had left on her, Cassandra focused on creating a paste that would prevent scarring. At the very least, she hoped she could get Bellatrix to agree to that.

It had been oddly silent in the house for a long time. The rest of the Death Eaters had either left the manor or branched off to other wings of the house to do their own thing. Narcissa was upstairs with her husband and son, and Cassandra’s gut twisted with anxiety over what she planned to tell him, although she was sure the woman would leave it until the last possible moment. Her heart ached for Narcissa, as she knew if Draco rejected her for it, it would break her heart. This was her decision though, and perhaps Narcissa was right in believing she couldn’t hold off any longer; in the end, she had made too many mistakes, had allowed too many people to find out, and now it was coming to a crux.

Cassandra prayed it did not break her.

A terrible scream ripped through the house from the basement then, and Cassandra went pale. In some deluded part of her mind she had hoped that perhaps the Dark Lord could not break Bellatrix, as he had been down there for a _while_ now, but apparently even someone as strong as Bellatrix Lestrange had her limits. The sound that came out of her mouth was _awful;_ broken and primal and fierce, and Cassandra’s throat constricted as she worked faster, her vision blurring as she muddled the dittany in her mortar so hard that her fingers cramped.

A part of her wanted to run, to just get upstairs, away from the screaming so she could finish what she needed to do, but another part of Cassandra felt as though it would be… somehow _disrespectful_ toward the sacrifice Bellatrix was making should she flee from it. She was doing this to protect Narcissa, the woman that they _both_ loved, and pretending it wasn’t happening just to save herself from the pain of having to listen to it felt as though it cheapened what Bellatrix was doing in a way, and Cassandra did not want that. What Bellatrix offered to do was brave and out of love, and if Narcissa was not around to bear witness to her sacrifice because she was tending to her son, then someone should.

It felt like it lasted hours, but in reality it was not nearly that long. Still, Cassandra waited for it to end in the hallway near the top of the basement steps, her posture rigid and her face ashen as she gripped the small box she had in her hands so tightly it caused her knuckles to flash white. Her chest constricted and her stomach dropped in fear when the screaming finally stopped, and Voldemort emerged from the basement. He glanced at her, looking mildly intrigued for a moment by her desire to stay behind, yet thankfully he did not comment before he breezed past her, his long black cloak billowing behind him.

Cassandra exhaled, and her feet moved of their own accord.

She had not been down in the basement ever since arriving at the Malfoy manor, although mostly because she was of the same mind-set as Narcissa, and did not want to face the reality of their living situation. The room had been refashioned as a dungeon, and an old man hung from shackles in the corner looking terribly malnourished and run down. Cassandra feared keeping her eyes on him too long though; she feared what the terrible guilt she felt for bearing witness to something like that would do, as she did not want to do something reckless in order to relieve herself of it.

Cassandra remembered buying her first wand at Ollivander’s when she was eleven though; she remembered how excited she was to have a unicorn hair in hers as she had _loved_ unicorns when she was a girl, and believed their power would help her become a better witch. Cassandra remembered the smile on the old man’s face as he watched her wand choose her, witnessing another one of his treasured creations finding its new home. Mr. Ollivander loved what he did and he seemed so full of life back then. Now, he did not even make eye contact with her, choosing to stare aimlessly at the far wall as he hung rather lifelessly, all of the fight having left him from being held prisoner for nearly a year now.

Cassandra’s gaze shifted as she tried to force that out of her reality though, choosing instead to focus on what she had actually come down there for. She didn’t see Bellatrix at first, as it was dark and it seemed the woman had moved into the corner as she huddled in a ball, gently rocking back and forth. When Cassandra’s eyes laid on her though her stomach dropped, her eyes stinging with tears as she witnessed just how far Bellatrix was willing to go to protect Narcissa.

The worst part was that, from a distance, Bellatrix did not seem to be physically injured. As such, Cassandra had just assumed Voldemort used the Cruciatus Curse on her and perhaps he still _had,_ but as the younger woman got closer to Bellatrix and the light from the stairwell washed over her, Cassandra realized that was _not_ all he had done. It was very far from it.

As Bellatrix was wearing black robes, it was difficult to see that her entire back was soaked in blood, even though her clothes bore no damage. It was in her hair though; caking at the nape of her neck, which Cassandra noticed just before Bellatrix realized she was no longer alone, and quickly turned to face her, stifling a shout at the abrupt change in position. The two women just stared at one another for a long moment though, Bellatrix no doubt wondering if it was really Cassandra who had come to get her, and Cassandra wondering if what she was seeing was even _real_ because it was… it was fucking horrific.

Bellatrix’s fingers were bent at odd angles— each and every one of them. She cradled her arms close to her chest as her knees were pulled up behind them, as though she felt she needed to trap her arms there so she didn’t make the mistake of trying to _use_ them and causing more damage to her hands. To make matters even worse, half of Bellatrix’s face was covered in a dark bruise, the corners of her lips still stained red as though at one point she had coughed up blood, and Cassandra inhaled sharply as she bent down in front of her, trying to fight the bile that was burning the back of her throat.

“…Where’s Cissy?”

Bellatrix’s voice was broken and hoarse, and the amount of devastation in it threatened to devour Cassandra whole as she tried desperately to get a hold of her own emotions, as it wouldn’t help either of them if she began crying. Instead she just gave the other woman a small, sympathetic quirk of her lips as she answered apologetically, “With her son,” as she knew it was not _her_ who Bellatrix needed right then.

As much as it pained Cassandra to admit though, especially after witnessing the state Bellatrix was in, she knew Narcissa had still made the right decision not to care for her sister. Draco was her son; he had just been through something horribly traumatic, and he _had_ to be her priority right then. Besides, even if she was not Bellatrix’s first choice, Cassandra was still a choice that Bellatrix _had,_ and therefore she was not being left alone. Cassandra’s brow creased, wishing she had more comfort to offer Bellatrix than _herself,_ as she knew despite the other woman’s crush on her, she did not trust her enough for this yet.

Bellatrix wheezed as she inhaled, and Cassandra was afraid that her ribs were broken. “—Get out,” Bellatrix told her flatly, in too much pain to scream or demand anything. She wouldn’t even look at Cassandra, and the pain in her expression was evident; not just from what Voldemort had done to her, but because after what she had sacrificed for Narcissa, the other woman wasn’t even there to take care of her. Cassandra understood how Bellatrix must feel, and thus did not try to explain to her the priorities of motherhood; she doubted with the mindset Bellatrix was in that she would listen anyway.

“No,” Cassandra told her softly, apologetically, and the look in Bellatrix’s eyes was _scathing_ at her refusal, but Cassandra did not budge. She knew Bellatrix was not in a state to properly argue with her anyhow. Taking her wand out from the inside pocket of her robes, Cassandra gently directed, “Lemme see your hands.”

“Are you sodding deaf? I said fuck _off—”_

“I won’t heal everythin’,” Cassandra promised her, knowing she was going to have to take baby steps with this. “But ya can’t keep broken bones, Bellatrix, please. Just lemme see your hands, your ribs— anythin’ else that might be broken or fractured, yeah? An’ then you can just… you can sit here an’ _feel_ what ya need to feel, if you want. I won’t push.”

Bellatrix looked at her as though she wasn’t entirely sure she could trust her, but Cassandra did not blame her for that. At the end of the day, they still barely knew one another. “Swear on your spawn’s _life_ that you won’t heal anything else,” she wheezed, and it sounded as though it was taking her great effort to even breathe, let alone speak. And yet still, like an idiot, Bellatrix continued to waste her oxygen with her empty threat. “Because if you lie to me, Cassandra, I’ll make sure you know the fucking consequences.”

Cassandra knew that was bullshit, and yet as she hadn’t planned on lying to her, she did not call her on it as it wouldn’t be worth it. “I swear,” she said instead, and Bellatrix’s eyes narrowed even further at the sincerity in her voice. Her gaze then dropped to the box that lay at Cassandra’s feet.

“What is that?”

“So ya don’t scar,” Cassandra answered softly. “It doesn’t take away the pain though, an’ I’ll only use it when you’re ready for it. But I promised Cissa I wouldn’t leave you with any permanent damage; I intend to honor that, one way or another.”

 _One way or another._ Cassandra could tell by the look in Bellatrix’s eyes that she understood that while Cassandra would be patient with her, and would allow her to do things on her terms, that there was still an endgame that she expected to be met. Bellatrix didn’t look entirely happy with that, but she also seemed to be appreciative that Cassandra understood how she wished to deal with her punishment, and thus did not argue. She wasn’t really in the position to anyway. Instead, she gently inclined her head, and held out her hands in offering.

Cassandra had to heal each finger individually, which made the process last longer than either of them would have probably liked. It was also _painful_ to heal broken bones, but Bellatrix forced herself not to make a sound as she instead exhaled hard through her nose, her eyes going a little out of focus. Her ribs were a different story than her hands though, and Cassandra winced as she heard a crack as the spell she had cast caused them to snap back into their rightful position. Bellatrix swore before she gasped, pitching forward and putting her head between her thighs as she struggled to breathe.

“M’sorry,” Cassandra whispered, feeling awful for causing her more pain despite knowing it was what needed to be done. Bellatrix didn’t say anything though and Cassandra fell silent, watching the other woman as she allowed the damage from the rest of her body continue to teach the lesson that Voldemort had begun.

Eventually, Cassandra moved to sit next to Bellatrix instead of in front of her, as her back was starting to ache from being in a crouched position. She leaned against the stone wall in silence, close enough to hopefully provide Bellatrix with a sense of comfort, yet was careful not to touch her as she didn’t want to interrupt whatever the other woman wished to go through. Bellatrix had raised her head, but she was staring at the far wall as she gently rocked back and forth. It took Cassandra a moment to realize what she was doing, but then she noticed that Bellatrix winced every time that she did it, which meant she was purposefully aggravating the wounds on her back. It broke Cassandra’s heart but she did nothing, just as she promised; she knew Bellatrix did not have a reason to trust her, but she wanted her to know that she could, and thus she kept her word despite how horrible all of this was to witness.

It was familiar though; what she recognized inside of Bellatrix. Cassandra knew that feeling of wanting to punish yourself all too well, and so after a long stretch of silence she told her softly, “It won’t erase it, y’know.” Bellatrix stopped rocking and turned her head to look at her, and the corners of Cassandra’s lips curled down into a frown. “Whatever you’re tryin’ to punish yourself for,” she clarified. “No matter how much pain ya give yourself on the outside, it’ll never overshadow the shit that’s goin’ on internally. S’just a distraction, like everythin’ else.”

“The fuck would you know about it?” Bellatrix ground out defensively. She no doubt thought that Cassandra could never know pain like this, and perhaps she _didn’t_ as she had never been broken in such a way, but Cassandra still understood the desire to hurt herself physically to deal with whatever was shredding her emotionally. It had been years since she had done it, as Cassandra had found other ways to punish herself instead of self-mutilation — her original affair with Bellatrix was proof enough of _that_ — but that didn’t mean that she had forgotten what it felt like to want to rip herself open and get everything out of her that made her dirty; that made her worthless and disgusting and _tainted._

“A lot, actually. Just ‘cause ya can’t see the scars, doesn’t mean they aren’t there.”

Bellatrix looked at her for a long moment, her eyes narrowing. “And what, you’ve _transcended_ all the bullshit now, is that it?” she snapped. “Learned better bloody coping mechanisms and now your life’s so much better for it? Give me a fucking break.”

Cassandra snorted. “You think I learned better coping mechanisms? You _saw_ my last break down, Bellatrix, an’ you were who I used to punish myself durin’ it. I’m not tryin’ to preach to you; I’m the last bloody person who can advocate for good mental health— except maybe Cissa. I just know what you’re doin’ doesn’t help anythin’, an’ what’s more is that you know it too. M’just remindin’ you of that.” Her gaze met Bellatrix’s then, and Cassandra continued, “I won’t tell ya to stop; that decision doesn’t lie with me, but I just… I dunno. Wanted you to know that I get it, at the very least.”

Bellatrix was stiff, her jaw tensed and her fists clenched as she stared at her, not allowing her gaze to waver from Cassandra’s. She searched her eyes, as if trying to find a lie or deceit or _something_ behind them to make sense of why Cassandra was choosing to share this with her, as she was still so terribly guarded when it came to her own weaknesses. Eventually however, she seemed to find none, and Bellatrix noticeably relaxed before turning her face away from her. She began to gently rock again, but it was far less movement than before, and the two women fell into silence again.

It took a long time until Bellatrix was ready to leave the basement. For a while, Cassandra did not understand why Mr. Ollivander was not trying to appeal to them to let him go, or at least acknowledge them in some way, but then she realized that the man just slept with his eyes open as he hung lifelessly from his shackles. It was entirely disconcerting and Cassandra had to force herself not to glance in his direction, which was easy enough to do once Bellatrix had finally seemed to have exhausted herself of the desire to be punished, and slumped her shoulder against Cassandra’s as it was the only position she could really be in without having her back up against the wall and aggravating it even further. Cassandra pursed her lips, her heart weighing heavy in her chest at the realization that Bellatrix was beginning to trust her enough to at least allow her to give her a minimal sense of comfort. Although that was a slightly terrifying, Cassandra was endlessly thankful for it in this moment, as the very last thing she wanted to do was make any of this worse for Bellatrix; she had been through enough.

“It’s cold,” Bellatrix finally mentioned, her words cutting the tension in the air. Cassandra was so overly fucking aware of the other woman’s head on her shoulder, of her curls tickling her chin. She wanted so desperately to move, but at the same time she dreaded Bellatrix getting off of her. As Cassandra still had yet to work through her bullshit, the very last thing she wanted was to feel this way, but the longer this continued, the more she was beginning to realize that perhaps there was no bloody stopping it after all.

Her heart _ached_ for Bellatrix and yet at the same time, Cassandra was so incredibly thankful for her; for what she had done— she took the punishment so that Narcissa didn’t have to, and Cassandra would forever appreciate her for that. Bellatrix had her flaws, but she was the most fiercely dedicated, _protective_ person that Cassandra had ever met, and it was hard not to see the good in her after seeing the lengths Bellatrix would go to just to shield someone that she loved.

“I can draw you a bath,” Cassandra gently responded, hoping that was what Bellatrix was implying she was ready for when she mentioned that. “Get ya cleaned up.”

“…Yeah,” Bellatrix muttered in unenthusiastic agreement. She sounded exhausted, and the amount of weight Cassandra felt as the woman leaned against her signified how very run down she must feel, as Bellatrix wasn’t even trying to establish a respectable amount of distance between them. She just didn’t care anymore. “Whatever.”

Cassandra nodded in understanding, one of her hands grabbing her box while the other found Bellatrix’s. She squeezed tightly, and apparated the two of them to the master bathroom that was connected to the older woman’s room. While Bellatrix’s grip slackened a little once they had arrived at their destination, Cassandra did not let go of her hand for a long moment as she encouraged Bellatrix to use her as a crutch so that she could keep herself steady on her feet.

“You alright?” she asked, and Bellatrix just grunted in response, which Cassandra took to mean as an affirmative, and finally let go of her hand. She walked over to the bathtub then, filling it with aguamenti as Bellatrix began to undress behind her. After heating it to a decent temperature, Cassandra turned back around and sucked in a sharp breath at the sight that greeted her.

Bellatrix’s back looked like it had been shredded to ribbons. It was caked with blood where the flesh had been stripped from it, and tears sprung to Cassandra’s eyes as she covered her mouth in horror. “It’s _fine—_ fuck’s sake, my own bloody mother used to do this shit all the time; I’m used to it by now,” Bellatrix snapped, instantly made defensive by the other woman’s show of emotion as she turned to face her, hiding the damage from Cassandra’s gaze. “You don’t have to be here; I can deal with it myself.”

“Are you— are you _joking?”_ Cassandra stuttered, horrified. “You can’t wash _or_ heal that on your own. _Jesus,_ Bellatrix…” Cassandra sniffled, wiping underneath her eyes as she tried to get a hold of herself; she could see that her being upset was upsetting _Bellatrix,_ as she no doubt did not want to be looked at like a victim.

“Please, just—” But then what Bellatrix said _hit_ her, and another tear fell from Cassandra’s eye before she could stop herself. She quickly turned away, not wanting Bellatrix to see that she was beginning to cry again, but fuck, _fuck…_ “Just get in the tub, yeah?” Her throat was tight and her voice was strained, and it took all of Cassandra’s willpower to try to cry silently, so that Bellatrix did not realize what she had revealed, as she no doubt believed Cassandra to have already been told of their past by Narcissa.

And she _had_ known the three sisters had been abused, of course she had, but Narcissa had never specified _how._ By the time Cassandra had met her, Bellatrix had already killed their parents. Narcissa was already free from that horror, and she did not wish to relive it by giving Cassandra specifics when she finally opened up about her past. Cassandra had understood, as she knew Narcissa was deeply scarred by what she had gone through, but she hadn’t— God, she hadn’t realized something like _this_ had been part of it. This was… it was violent, and _cruel,_ and Cassandra’s heart broke for them both as she closed her eyes and tried to regulate her breathing so that she could have a hope of controlling the waves of devastation that were washing over her.

Cassandra heard movement behind her and she opened her eyes and leaned her head back, staring at the ceiling momentarily as she forced herself to just _stop fucking crying._ “Did he know?” she had to ask in a broken voice once she felt Bellatrix pass by her. “That your mum used to do that shit to you?” Cassandra brought her chin back down, watching the other woman climb into the tub. Bellatrix would not look at her, although Cassandra didn’t expect her to.

“Obviously,” Bellatrix said dismissively, but Cassandra knew exactly what that meant, and a fierce rage burned hot inside of her as Bellatrix carefully lowered herself into the water, hissing a little as it stung her raw back.

“He fuckin’ meant for Cissa to see then,” Cassandra deduced. What a fucking— _horrible_ sodding man. As if he hadn’t done bloody _enough,_ he also wanted to torture Narcissa with the trauma from her past as well, because he assumed she would come to her sister’s aid. That was so fucked up, but after what Cassandra had seen tonight, she wasn’t surprised by it. This whole thing made her sick, and yet Cassandra knew there was no stopping it, no _running_ from it; everyone in this house had already made their beds as far as the Dark Lord was concerned, and now all there was left to do was lie in them and hope it wasn’t where they would ultimately be put to rest.

“Yeah, well, Cissy’s not _fucking_ here, so…” Bellatrix responded bitterly, and Cassandra exhaled a sympathetic sigh, her heart aching over how rejected Bellatrix obviously felt by the woman that she loved. She sat on the edge of the tub, her hand finding the washcloth before she wet it and gently began to wash the blood from the other woman’s body. Bellatrix winced, but said nothing.

“She’d be here if she could,” Cassandra softly assured her, being careful not to aggravate the raw skin on the other woman’s back. “But her son… Draco, you _know_ he needs to come first. She’s a mum; that’s how it’s always gonna be. That’s how it _should_ be.”

Bellatrix scoffed, but said nothing, her hands running over the bruises on her legs beneath the water’s surface. She still looked upset, but it was also as though she had always known Narcissa’s priorities, and while she was hurt by them, she wasn’t surprised by them.

“I know it’s not the same; me bein’ here instead of her,” Cassandra continued softly, her stomach heavy and her chest tight as she continued to wash the other woman. “But I hope it’s better than nothin’.”

Bellatrix’s jaw tensed and she said nothing for a long moment as she stared at an imperfection in the grout between the tiles on the wall. “…It is,” she admitted finally, almost _aggressively_ as she tried to downplay that with an eye roll and, “Fucking obviously.” And yet, Cassandra’s heart squeezed in her chest regardless.

_Shit._

This was the same woman who used to look down at her, who called her classless and acted as though she was nothing more than a worthless whore; this was the woman who used to hate her, who wanted to bloody fucking _murder_ her, and yet Cassandra felt herself starting to forget all of that when she looked at Bellatrix as she was now, and that was not only stupid, but _dangerous_. She felt different now though, yet logically Cassandra knew that she wasn’t; the only bloody thing that had changed was that they liked fucking one another, but if they hadn’t started doing that then Cassandra was sure that Bellatrix would still desire to slit her throat ear to ear, and that made trying to come to terms with this all the more difficult.

Part of Cassandra wanted to _say_ something, because this was fucking her up a little and she needed to know if it was doing the same to Bellatrix, but she also knew that not only was it not the time for a conversation like that, but that even if it was, Bellatrix was likely still so goddamn deep in denial that she would claim that nothing had changed _anyway._ She didn’t exactly strike Cassandra as someone who was in touch with her feelings, after all.

The two women sat in silence after that, Cassandra having moved on from tending to her back to washing the blood out of her hair. Her fingers gently massaged the older woman’s scalp and Bellatrix closed her eyes, leaning her head back as she allowed Cassandra to tend to her. She took her time with it, her fingers running the hair potion through her curls before she gently began to stroke behind her ears, making sure every last bit of blood was gone. Bellatrix murmured at the feeling and Cassandra smiled softly, glad that after everything she was able to provide the woman with at least a little sense of comfort.

“Come on,” she gently encouraged after she had washed the potion from her hair. “I gotta put the paste on your back so ya don’t scar. You wanna lie on the bed for it? Might be easier.”

Bellatrix grunted, which Cassandra took to mean yes as she got off of the edge of the tub and held out her hand for the other woman to take. For a second, it looked like Bellatrix was going to try to hoist herself up by herself, but after a roll of her eyes that Cassandra was sure was directed at herself more than her, Bellatrix grabbed her hand, and Cassandra pulled her to her feet. Water droplets cascaded down Bellatrix’s body as she stood and Cassandra stared despite herself, which of course Bellatrix noticed. She smirked, and while her desire to make something like _this_ sexual was utterly exasperating, it also meant that she was feeling a little better, and Cassandra was glad for it.

“Since Cissy fucked off our night, that mean you’re gonna take her place?” Bellatrix questioned, her tongue resting behind her incisors as her eyes raked down Cassandra’s form. The younger woman’s brow rose.

“If ya want me to stay I’ll stay, but I ain’t fuckin’ ya while you’re like this.”

Bellatrix’s expression immediately washed over in irritation. “Don’t be a _pussy—_ I’m not bloody broken.”

Cassandra rolled her eyes. “…I’ll think about it,” she placated her, even though she already knew exactly how that contemplation would end. That answer seemed to appease Bellatrix though, who had gotten a towel and began to carefully dry herself off with a self-satisfied smirk on her face.

Bellatrix kept staring at her though while she toweled herself, and Cassandra didn’t understand why until she nodded her head towards her hand. “You took it off.”

“What?” Cassandra asked, her chest tightening as she realized she had subconsciously been stroking her naked ring finger with her thumb. She curled her hand into a fist and foolishly hid it behind her back for a moment, even though Bellatrix had already _seen_ it. Cassandra allowed her arm to drop then as she stretched out her fingers. “Oh… yeah.”

She fucking _hoped_ Bellatrix hadn’t noticed she had been wearing a different ring earlier, as Narcissa would have been very upset if she hadn’t been given the opportunity to be honest with her sister for once, but it seemed Bellatrix didn’t notice that the ring that had been on her hand earlier that day wasn’t the ring she had worn for twenty two years.

“He’s going to leave you with fucking nothing if you divorce him, Cassandra.”

She knew that, and it _did_ scare her, but… “There are worse things than bein’ poor.”

Bellatrix snorted, apparently not of the same mindset even though _her_ assets had all been frozen and she was living off her sister’s money just the same as Narcissa seemed to want Cassandra to do. “You have another _option_ than ending up poor,” Bellatrix strongly reminded her. “I don’t know why you’re so bloody set on keeping the bastard alive; he _fucked_ you, Kitten, and that shit was fucking calculated. He was trying to sodding trap you, and you’re _okay_ with that?”

“Of course I’m not fuckin’ okay with it,” Cassandra snapped, quickly growing defensive. Peter was _her_ problem though, and Bellatrix trying to solve it for her felt… wrong. She barely knew her, and Bellatrix _didn’t_ know the relationship she had with her husband. “But it’s none of your bloody business, frankly.”

Bellatrix scoffed as she furiously threw her towel onto the rack, hissing a little as the quick movement aggravated her wounds. “You have no _fucking_ idea, do you?” she muttered before she turned around, stalking out of the bathroom.

“’Bout _what?”_ Cassandra challenged, as the way Bellatrix said that seemed like she knew something that she didn’t. At first, the thought seemed ridiculous, but then Cassandra realized that Bellatrix had known her husband just as long as she had— they may not have been _friends,_ but they ran in the same circle and thus, her having information that Cassandra did not was plausible.

“Doesn’t fucking matter. Go ask Lucius if you want to know how he talked about you that bloody badly,” Bellatrix snapped while she flopped down onto her stomach, which of course was a _bad idea_ with her back like that.

The woman hissed in pain, Cassandra automatically reprimanding her with, “ _Careful!_ Fuck’s sake— just be gentle with yourself for a second, yeah? Unless ya want me to just heal you completely; then you can do whatever the fuck you want.”

“I’m _fine—_ just stop it from fucking scarring so Cissy doesn’t blow a goddamn gasket over it,” Bellatrix grumbled, resituating herself into a more comfortable position. A part of Cassandra wanted to just _do_ it, to just heal her and tell Bellatrix to get over it because she shouldn’t want to keep torturing herself over upsetting the man she deeply hero-worshipped, but she also wanted Bellatrix to be able to trust her, and going against her wishes would not be conducive to that goal.

So Cassandra did as she was asked and got the small jar of paste out of the box as she headed over to the bed, her knees hitting the mattress before she crawled over to her. Cassandra’s stomach was twisting in her gut though, the woman’s words about her husband replaying in her mind. “Tell me,” she gently pleaded, even though she had this sinking feeling that she did _not_ want to know. “Please.”

Bellatrix crossed her arms in front of her as she lay on her stomach, using them to prop her chin up. She wouldn’t look at her. “I said go ask Lucius.”

“I’m asking _you.”_

“Yeah, well, I don’t feel like fucking hurting you today so maybe just let it go,” Bellatrix snapped, and upset churned in the pit of Cassandra’s stomach as she looked down at the finger that used to hold her wedding ring. What the hell did Peter _say?_ Had their whole bloody marriage been a lie? It _couldn’t_ have— they had loved each other once, Cassandra _knew_ they had. “Now are you going to put that shit on me or what?”

Cassandra’s throat tightened in upset and she sniffled, but she didn’t want to _push_ because Bellatrix was getting irritated and frankly she didn’t know if she could emotionally handle whatever it was anyway. “…Yeah,” she breathed sadly, the word barely more than a whisper as she unscrewed the cap on the jar.

The two women were silent for a long moment as Cassandra began to gently spread the paste across the other woman’s wounds. The problem was, the silence allowed Bellatrix to hear _exactly_ how upset Cassandra was, despite her efforts to keep it inside of her. “Jesus. Stop _crying—_ I’m pretty sure he fucking loved you at one point, okay?” Bellatrix tried, clearly not wanting Cassandra to think the worst. “When we were younger he wouldn’t bloody shut up about you and because I sodding _hated_ you, I found that very fucking irritating. He was just a dick in the beginning— and now, obviously.”

 _Now,_ she understood; she absolutely deserved his unkind words now, but… “The _beginning?”_ Cassandra asked disbelievingly, as that… it didn’t make _sense._ Peter had been so sweet with her back then; giving her flowers, telling her she was beautiful…

“Are you really going to make me fucking tell you?” Bellatrix asked, but she sounded more upset than aggressive as she shifted, turning her head to look back at the upset look on her lover’s face. Cassandra didn’t say anything though as she was trying very hard not to continue crying. Instead, she spread the paste across Bellatrix’s wounds, just needing to _do_ something, anything, as she frantically went over her memories in her mind, trying to see for herself what she had apparently missed at the beginning of her relationship with Peter.

“Stop— _stop,_ for fuck’s sake,” Bellatrix demanded as she watched a tear roll down Cassandra’s cheek. She pushed herself into a sitting position then, hissing in pain as the movement aggravated her back, and Cassandra _tried_ to tell her to just lay back down, that she was almost done, but her words fell away as Bellatrix sat across from her, the woman’s palm coming to her cheek as she impatiently wiped away her tears. “He’s not fucking worth this shit.”

“I _loved_ him, Bellatrix…” Cassandra wept, her chest constricting with emotion as she stared at the woman across from her with watery eyes. “An’ now I feel— I feel fuckin’ _stupid_ for that. I don’t even know what he _did,_ an’ yet everythin’ I bloody think is worse than the _last,_ an’ I—”

“He married you because you were low class, alright?” Bellatrix revealed, and while she didn’t sound apologetic about that by any means, she did at least look _angry_ on Cassandra’s behalf. “Your maiden name and the fact that apparently the rumor around the Common Room was that you were ‘easy’ condemned you to that wanker— he preyed on you, okay? He made no goddamn secret of it to the rest of us; he fucking _bragged_ about it. I mean, obviously things changed at one point, but now that you’ve left him for Cissy, he’s back to calling you a whore; saying shit like he should have known better than to bring common street trash into a mansion.”

Oh God, Cassandra felt like she couldn’t breathe. She wanted to tell Bellatrix that she was _wrong;_ that she knew she was just trying to hurt her, because Bellatrix used to _always_ want to hurt her, and yet… and yet she didn’t anymore, did she? Bellatrix clearly hadn’t wanted to be the one to tell her this; she was still wiping the tears from the younger woman’s cheeks before she grasped Cassandra around the back of the neck, needing her to listen to her so that somehow she could make this _better._

“Does that fucking sound like a man who deserves to get away with robbing you? I can _fix_ it, Cassandra; if you let me, I can—”

But Cassandra just shook her head violently, still finding that solution to be far too extreme, even if… even if that information absolutely _shredded_ her. “No, I don’t want— God, it doesn’t matter,” Cassandra sobbed even though it obviously did. Still, this was something she needed to deal with on her own; it was her marriage, _her_ problem, even though a part of her was thankful that Bellatrix seemed to care enough to do something like that for her, as absolutely psychotic as it was. “S’not like he was sayin’ shit that’s untrue anyway…”

“Fuck you, you think I let _trash_ into my bed?” Bellatrix countered, which only made Cassandra scoff miserably through her tears.

“Yeah, I fuckin’ _do,”_ she spat back, her heart weighing heavy in her chest. “Or have you bloody forgotten the shit you used to say about me?”

For the first time, it looked as though Bellatrix didn’t know what to say. She just stared at her, her own chest heaving with emotion at being unexpectedly attacked. Another tear rolled down Cassandra’s speckled and flushed cheeks, and while Cassandra expected her to ignore it after what she had just said, Bellatrix just scoffed in irritation as she reached out again, violently wiping the evidence of the younger woman’s sorrow from her skin.

“You were gonna take the woman I loved, alright?” she defended, apparently refusing to feel guilty about their past. “I fucking _knew_ you were, even before Cissy did; probably even before _you_ did. And I wasn’t bloody _wrong,_ so. Yeah, I said a lot of shit— I was pissed off. I’m sure you didn’t have anything _great_ to say about me back then either, so what’s it fucking matter? It was a million years ago.”

Cassandra just shook her head, averting her gaze. She didn’t want to do this now, this wasn’t what she had planned on; this whole night had derailed into something that ended up being about _her_ and she hated that, because she was just supposed to take care of Bellatrix, like she had promised Narcissa. Instead, she was now practically attacking the woman over their past and sobbing over how terrible both her and now her _husband_ made her feel, and yet Cassandra couldn’t stop herself from whispering the truth regardless, because maybe it really _did_ need to come out.

“You made me feel _worthless,_ Bellatrix _…”_

“Good,” Bellatrix responded, but her tone wasn’t filled with malice. Instead, it was soft, and the confusion that confliction brought Cassandra was evident on her face as she looked up at her. “I wanted to make you feel that way; I’m fucking _glad_ you did ‘cause it used to piss me off even more when you pretended the shit I said didn’t bother you,” Bellatrix told her, which only made Cassandra feel _worse_ until the other woman finished, “But last I bloody checked, I don’t make you feel that way _now._ Isn’t that supposed to be what fucking matters?”

Cassandra sniffled as she lightly dabbed underneath her eyes. “Yeah,” she breathed, because she knew the past did not matter in wake of the present. Still, it was something she had needed to address with her for a long time now, and she was glad that she had. Bellatrix hadn’t _apologized_ or anything, but Cassandra hadn’t expected that. In the end, it was just enough that she recognized it, instead of just outright dismissing her. “I’m sorry,” Cassandra whispered, hating how this had turned around. “I didn’t mean to make tonight about me; I just… have some fuckin’ issues, obviously, about the shit in my past.”

“Who fucking doesn’t?” Bellatrix countered and Cassandra sighed heavily, knowing she was right. Hell, _Bellatrix’s_ past had been whipped into her back by the man she bloody worshipped, and yet she had the audacity to cry over what, a few mean words people said to her? That was so fucking pathetic, and Cassandra hated herself for being so bloody self-serving. _Her_ shit wasn’t what mattered right now.

“Are you alright?” Cassandra asked her softly, meaning so much more than just what happened tonight, but Bellatrix just dismissed that with a shrug and an eye roll.

“I’ve had worse.”

“Yeah… s’why I was askin’.”

Because Cassandra was sure it was _far_ worse when her mother used to do that to an innocent child. What Voldemort did to Bellatrix now was horrific, yes, but she was stronger now; she was able to handle the pain. A part of her even _wanted_ it. But when she was a kid? Cassandra very much doubted she neither wanted, nor could handle it, and that broke the younger woman’s heart.

Bellatrix got defensive again though, because that was her default coping mechanism. “I don’t feel the fucking need to hug and cry over my bloody past, alright? I don’t _care._ What’s done is done; talking about it doesn’t change it, and I’m not interested in wasting my fucking time. You want someone to coddle? Cissy’s two bloody doors down.”

“I’m not tryin’ to coddle you,” Cassandra corrected her, as she knew Bellatrix wasn’t the type to need something like that. “I just… I dunno.” Her gaze caught Bellatrix’s then, that feeling she feared to give a name to swirling around in her gut once more. “I just wanted ya to know I give a shit. That’s all.”

“ _Why?”_ Bellatrix asked, like she couldn’t think of a more ridiculous thing for Cassandra to do with her time. The younger woman just chuckled softly though, because she _wished_ she knew. She ran her hand through her hair, pushing it back from her face as she sighed.

“When I have an answer for you, I’ll let ya know.” Bellatrix’s brow furrowed at that, but Cassandra didn’t want to push it; this was enough for one night. “Come on,” she encouraged with a gentle head nod. “Lay back down; I still gotta finish puttin’ this on your back an’ I was nearly done.”

Bellatrix looked at her for a long moment, but she eventually did as requested and laid back on her stomach. Cassandra went to work, needing to finish what she had started as she had given Narcissa her word and not only wished to uphold it for her, but for Bellatrix as well, whom she did not want to see marred by this ordeal. It did not take long for her to finish though, and eventually all Cassandra was really doing was aimlessly running her hands over the older woman’s back.

“Thought you said you were almost done before.”

“Yeah— I was. I am. Sorry; I just… fuckin’ spaced out for a sec,” Cassandra apologized, feeling a little embarrassed by her desire to just keep _touching_ Bellatrix. She took out her wand, using it to clean the paste from her hands before putting it back inside her robes and shifting on the bed. “You should be fine now; I should let ya sleep…”

“The fuck are you talking about?” Bellatrix demanded, rolling on her side so she could see the other woman in her bed. “Thought you were staying since Cissy’s too busy with her precious little _family.”_ The bitterness in her voice was hard to miss, and Cassandra pursed her lips.

“…Do you want me to?” she asked softly, not wishing to overstay her welcome. Tonight’s conversations had already gotten much, _much_ heavier than Cassandra had expected, and she knew that wasn’t something Bellatrix was entirely comfortable with. She had been through enough already, and Cassandra didn’t want her newfound realization that maybe it wasn’t just _Bellatrix_ who was developing some type of a crush after all to make things harder on her, as she was still fairly certain Bellatrix had not accepted that as a part of her reality yet.

“I’m pretty sure I just fucking implied that, _yeah,”_ Bellatrix responded, like Cassandra was stupid for even asking a question like that. “What, do you need me to spell it out? You’re getting fucking girly and weird all of a sudden. _”_

Cassandra sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. She hated how bloody transparent she was. “An’ that’s why I should probably go, to be perfectly fuckin’ honest…”

“Jesus, shut the fuck up,” Bellatrix demanded, but it sounded more exasperated than cruel as she reached out, grasping the younger woman’s wrist to pull her down in bed so that they now laid side by side, facing one another. “Who gives a shit, okay?”

Cassandra’s brow knit. “’Bout what?”

“Everything; I don’t fucking know. You’re making this into a thing, and I bloody hate when women analyze shit. I mean, for fuck’s sake, I can practically hear you _thinking;_ you need to fucking relax.”

And that, perhaps, was the closest Bellatrix was ever going to come to admitting that there may be something going on between them. Cassandra exhaled a small sigh, her eyes searching the other woman’s. Maybe she was right; maybe she did need to relax. Bellatrix seemed content on just going with the flow, and maybe she should too. It was just difficult though, with Narcissa involved. There was still a part of Cassandra that felt _guilty,_ but there was probably a part of Bellatrix that felt that way too, and that was why she wasn’t keen on talking about it— on giving it a name or a label. In the end, it would be easier to deal with the destination if it merely snuck up on them, instead of them trying so hard to see where this road led.

“Okay,” Cassandra softly relented, trying not to think about what she was doing and instead did what _felt_ right as she reached out, gently brushing an errant curl from the other woman’s eyes. They were so fucking beautiful honestly, but more than that, they were _familiar,_ and that’s why Cassandra knew she could easily get lost in them. “I know this is gonna sound… fuckin’ _weird,_ but I like that you have her eyes.”

Bellatrix snorted. “ _She_ has _my_ eyes, actually; last I bloody checked, I’m fucking older.” Cassandra just smirked at that though, amused by the low-key sibling rivalry. “Fuck you,” Bellatrix snapped, but it held no bite, and Cassandra’s smirk widened as she realized she was starting to enjoy how grumpy the other woman always was. In some strange way, it was almost endearing.

“I’m sure you wish you could right now.”

Bellatrix quirked a brow at her. “You think I _can’t?”_

Cassandra bit down on her bottom lip, briefly smiling around it before she got serious and told her, “You _shouldn’t—_ not when your back’s still like that. Besides, ya gotta give the paste time to work; if we start rollin’ around it’s gonna rub off. You’ll survive one night without my cunt, I promise.”

Bellatrix scoffed. “Then what the fuck are we gonna do? Just _lay_ here? Boring.”

Cassandra shot her an exasperated look as she propped herself up on her elbow, resting her head in her hand as she looked down at the woman next to her. “You know, there’s more to life than just _sex.”_

“Yeah, there’s _violence.”_

Bellatrix’s bratty look did not go unnoticed, and Cassandra smirked as she reached out, her hand finding Bellatrix’s that rested on the mattress. She gently traced her fingers with her own as she reminded her, “Well maybe you should try branching out with your interests, ‘cause you can’t do _that_ with me either— unless you’re keen on dying today.”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes, but she seemed a little distracted as she stared at their hands, her fingers twitching ever so slightly whenever Cassandra lightly dusked over them, like maybe she wanted to have more contact than that. “God, you wanna fucking _talk_ or something, don’t you?” she exhaled, already sounding exhausted by the very idea of it.

“Think we talked enough for one night, yeah?” Cassandra softly responded, as the last thing she wanted to do was accidentally get into something too heavy with Bellatrix again. Her hand found the other woman’s face again, pushing the hair from her eyes before she allowed her fingertips to frame the woman’s face. “I’m tired,” she admitted in a whisper. “An’ I think you are too. Today’s been… a lot. Can we just… lie here?”

“What, like until we fall asleep? That sounds fucking… I don’t know.” Bellatrix’s nose wrinkled. “ _Intimate_ or some shit.”

“Now who’s analyzin’?” Bellatrix exhaled an exasperated breath, but she realized Cassandra had a point. Still, Cassandra didn’t want to cross a line so she told her, “I can leave if ya wanna sleep alone.”

“I didn’t fucking say that,” Bellatrix was quick to correct. Cassandra pursed her lips in an attempt not to smirk at how _fast_ that response was and Bellatrix rolled her eyes as she tried to downplay it, deflecting it back on the woman in her bed. “I mean, if you’re gonna be sodding _needy_ about it.”

“ _I’m_ needy?”

“Did I stutter?”

Cassandra exhaled an exasperated laugh, but did not argue. Instead she just shifted closer to the other woman, tucking her head beneath Bellatrix’s chin. “Fine,” she conceded softly, as she knew it would just be easier to allow Bellatrix to believe this was all _her_ doing. “ _I’m_ needy.”

Bellatrix hesitated for a moment, but it was brief before she reached up and gently tangled her fingers in the other woman’s hair. “At least you’re self-aware,” she muttered, and Cassandra closed her eyes, a small, lingering smile tugging at the edges of her lips as she realized this might not be the worst development in her life after all.

**TBC…**


	4. PART IV

**PART IV  
**[ During Chapter 47 ]

* * *

Cassandra had already known that the ring Narcissa had given her changed nothing; she wasn’t stupid. She understood that it was just a symbol and that, despite how much she ached for it, she would never really become Narcissa’s wife. Cassandra had thought she had been okay with it; after all, if this was the closest she could get, then why _wouldn’t_ she be happy with it? But there was something in the way that Bellatrix presented her sister’s proposal that made the gesture seem more like a disservice than anything else, and now Cassandra did not know how to feel.

She sat atop a stone bench outside in the garden, the moonlight glinting off of the diamond that adorned her left hand. Cassandra stared at it for a long time, her lips pursed into a deep line as she flexed and curled her fingers, as though seeing it in a different way would cause it to feel less tainted. She had wanted something like this for so long, and yet every time she looked at it now, Cassandra feared she would one day grow to resent it just as Bellatrix had.

Cassandra exhaled a long breath as she put her hand down, trying not to obsess over it. She hadn’t come out here for self-reflection; rather, she had come out here to escape the insanity of _dinner_ in a house filled with Death Eaters and drama. Narcissa was still a wreck over Draco having barricaded himself in his room and kept trying to hold back tears every time she looked at his empty place setting, Lucius blamed _Narcissa_ for exacerbating Draco’s mental breakdown and was being short with her, Severus and the Dark Lord were discussing things in low tones on the opposite end of the table and it was _clearly_ making Bellatrix jealous, which caused her to snap at Rodolphus for every little thing that came out of his mouth, and Rodolphus, thoroughly irritated with his wife, started to make _comments_ about the blow out fight that happened which only upset Narcissa _more,_ and it was… a lot. A part of Cassandra wished to comfort her girlfriend, but another part knew it would only morph into a conversation about the _ring,_ and Cassandra wasn’t ready for that yet. She still felt like she needed to sort out her feelings about all of it, and so after Cassandra had excused herself from dinner she retreated into the backyard, finding it a much calmer atmosphere than the rest of the house.

That was, of course, until she found she was no longer alone.

Bellatrix slammed the sliding back door so hard Cassandra could hear it bang even from her place in the garden, which was a fair distance away. She looked back to see the woman stalking over to her, looking thoroughly irritated. “I’m so fucking _sick_ of him being in this bloody house,” Bellatrix snapped, no doubt talking about her husband. “The Aurors aren’t a bloody issue anymore— _Severus_ left to go back home, although I don’t know why he fucking bothered if he’s gonna keep _popping_ _over_ for dinner,” she continued bitterly, clearly not enjoying how favored the man now was for having killed Dumbledore. “But we have a sodding house— Rodolphus needs to fuck off and go back home. I’m tired of this shit. I’m tired of everyone _being_ here.”

Well, there went her calm atmosphere.

Cassandra exhaled a long sigh as she watched the woman straddle the stone bench she was on, facing toward her. Not that she did not enjoy Bellatrix’s presence usually, or at least _lately,_ but she had also been glad for her alone time and now that felt as though it had been swiped from her as Bellatrix brought her cloud of drama over with her. “If ya hate bein’ around people that much, then why don’t _you_ go home?”

“This _is_ my home,” Bellatrix snapped, defensively. “I’ve wasted too much of my bloody life not being where Narcissa is, and I’m through with it. Don’t pretend you don’t fucking understand— _you’re_ still here, despite all the bloody insanity. Honestly, my house can go up in flames, for all I care; so long as Rodolphus burns with it.”

“If you hate him so much, why are you still married to him?” Cassandra asked, honestly perplexed by it. Rodolphus seemed to bring Bellatrix nothing but misery; her whole _demeanor_ changed when he was brought up, like Bellatrix regarded him as something shackled to her, weighing her down and trapping her in a place in her life that she had been ready to move on from for a while now.

“Because he’s still fucking useful, unfortunately,” Bellatrix responded, looking even _more_ depressed about that as her gaze flickered over toward the manor, where the main source of irritation in her life currently resided. “He’s one of the best fighters we have in this bloody war; if I killed him it would be a waste.”

Cassandra’s brow rose. The woman was always so goddamn extreme that it bordered on ridiculous at times. “I _meant_ why don’t ya divorce him?” she clarified. “An’ before ya say it, I get the whole pureblood expectations nonsense, but s’not like _you_ give a toss how others view ya— just get rid of ‘im if he bothers you that bloody much.”

“What would be the _point?”_ Bellatrix countered, looking at the other woman as though she had just suggested she take up _knitting_ in her spare time. She should though, honestly— Bellatrix _needed_ a hobby that didn’t center around sex or violence, but Cassandra also knew she’d be holding her breath on _that_ for a good long while. “You’re right, I _don’t_ give a fuck about what people will say, but divorce is messier than death and I don’t have the bloody time for it right now. When Rodolphus becomes _less_ useful, believe me, I have my options, and fucking _none_ of them involve an Advocate.”

That was… fair. Cassandra gave herself a headache any time she thought about the long legal process her own divorce would likely entail, although she was sure if she mentioned it to Bellatrix then her brilliant solution would just be to _murder_ Peter, and Cassandra did not wish to have that conversation again. All this talk about divorce just reminded Cassandra of _marriage_ though _,_ and her gaze fell to her left hand as she gently fingered her ring with a small sigh. Bellatrix’s gaze followed hers, causing the older woman to roll her eyes as she shifted a little closer to her on the stone bench.

“Stop _angsting_ over that fucking rock— Jesus, if you want to be happy then just be _happy._ Don’t bloody listen to me.”

Cassandra looked up at her. “You seemed pretty fuckin’ adamant I _listen_ to you before.” Her eyes narrowed then, understanding the expression on the older woman’s face. There would only be one reason Bellatrix would change her tune anyway, and it was all down to a singular person. “…Cissa yelled at you.”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes, trying to downplay it despite obviously still being upset over their altercation. “Cissy _always_ yells, but whatever— she thinks I’m trying to fucking ruin this for you, but I wasn’t trying to be a dick. _Believe_ me, if I wanted to be one, I have much more effective ways to go about it. I just didn’t want you to… I dunno. It doesn’t fucking matter.”

“Get my hopes up?” Cassandra answered for her softly, and Bellatrix aggressively shrugged in response, although Cassandra was sure it was supposed to just be in a noncommittal way. Everything Bellatrix did was tainted by aggression though; that was just the way she was. “I know she was never _really_ gonna marry me, Bellatrix. I’m not that disillusioned.”

“I know you’re fucking not, but neither was I and it still fucking _sucks_ when you realize it’s all just a bloody game to her.”

Cassandra’s brow knit and she reached out, gently placing a comforting hand on the older woman’s thigh. “You think that’s all your relationship is to her? A _game?”_ Because if that were true, Cassandra would have had no reason to feel threatened in the beginning. But she had. She saw the way Narcissa looked at her sister, and she knew the woman’s feelings were genuine. Still, Cassandra felt terribly if that was the way Bellatrix viewed it, as she knew it was far from the truth.

“No— I don’t know. Not our relationship, but this fucking proposal bullshit. She just doesn’t fucking _get_ it, but that’s ‘cause she had her bloody fairytale. She fucked it all to hell and back again, yeah, but she _had_ it. For a second, she fucking had it. The rest of us never did.” Bellatrix glanced up at the woman next to her then, reevaluating with another eye roll. “Well, maybe _you_ did too, since you loved that fat fuck once upon a time. Whatever. Maybe it’s just bloody _me_ then— I don’t care.”

Every time Bellatrix said ‘I don’t care’ it was like this giant neon flashing sign that she cared very bloody _deeply_ actually, and Cassandra exhaled a sympathetic sigh.

“Can I ask you somethin’?” As she didn’t get a refusal, Cassandra continued, “If the world was different… if ya didn’t have to marry a man, would you have married a woman? Like— I don’t just mean doin’ the whole… surnames are the end all be all of who you’re allowed to marry, gettin’ hitched as some type of pureblood status symbol as ya have your trophy wife by your side _bullshit—_ but like… an _actual_ marriage. Love an’ forever an’ buildin’ a home type of shit together.”

“I mean, surnames _are_ fucking important because I would never even fuck anyone less than pure, let alone _marry_ someone that was—” Bellatrix began, and Cassandra’s stomach twisted uncomfortably in her gut. “But of course I fucking would have. I know my shit with the Dark Lord doesn’t give me much room to be some kind of proper pureblooded wife— not like Cissy _tried_ to be even though she missed the mark by a fucking mile, but… I dunno. I wouldn’t have been in the kitchen bloody baking cookies just ‘cause I _cared_ or some shit, but it would have been fucking nice to come home to someone I didn’t despise. I wouldn’t have hated it. I wouldn’t have felt so bloody _suffocated_ all the time.”

Bellatrix averted her gaze as she looked out into the garden, and Cassandra could see the lines that had etched between her brow. “What?” she asked softly, but Bellatrix just scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Nothing.”

“Tell me.”

“Why? It’s fucking stupid,” Bellatrix snapped defensively as she turned back to look at her, running a hand through her unruly curls as she pushed them back from her face.

“Feelin’s are always bloody stupid, but that doesn’t make ‘em less valid,” Cassandra gently responded. “Tell me. Please. I wanna know what that look was for. Call it morbid curiosity, if you aren’t keen on me takin’ an actual interest in your life.”

Bellatrix shot her an irritated look at that, which for the life of her Cassandra couldn’t decipher as to whether it meant she thought Cassandra was poking her nose in where it didn’t belong, or if she thought it was stupid that Cassandra believed that Bellatrix _didn’t_ want her to actually give a shit. Either way, the older woman exhaled a long sigh as she shook her head, averting her gaze again. “Just… bullshit, when I was younger; Gwen and I used to talk about running away and marrying each other— this was before Cissy, obviously. But then my parents forced me to be engaged to Rodolphus and everything was _shit,_ so…”

“Where would you have gone?”

Bellatrix’s lip curled, but it was less in distaste and more of a furious suspicion. “What the fuck’s with all the questions?”

Frankly, because Cassandra didn’t think anyone ever _had_ asked Bellatrix these types of questions before, as Narcissa had been very clear about how bad her jealousy when it came to Gwendolyn was, and Cassandra genuinely wanted to know about the only other person that made the fierce woman before her _soft._ It was interesting to her; to see the layers that Bellatrix had, when all she ever tried to do was present this hardened, impenetrable shell.

Still, Cassandra knew better than to voice that, and so she answered, “Because I’m fuckin’ interested? What’s with the aggression? If ya want me to fuck off then I will, but I just thought—”

“No, I’m not—” Bellatrix began, looking a little frustrated. Cassandra knew turning it back around on her _would_ fluster her a little though, which was why she did it. “Whatever. Gwen wanted to go to America, even though I’ve never felt the need to step foot in that cesspool. I would’ve though— for her, I fucking would have. I would have gone anywhere for her.”

That was… actually rather sweet, and Cassandra smiled softly. “Where in America?”

“New York,” Bellatrix answered, before the _realness_ of this conversation seemed to slap her in the face, and she instinctively slid back on the bench, getting some distance between her and Cassandra. “The fuck are you trying to do?”

Cassandra shot her an exasperated look. “Have a conversation?” she answered, as though that should have been obvious. “Maybe get to know ya a little better— would that be so bloody awful?”

“Yeah well, I don’t know you well enough yet to talk about _her_ in any kind of meaningful sodding way, so we’re fucking done with that,” Bellatrix snapped, as no doubt the memory of Gwen and everything she missed out on began to haunt her. Cassandra suddenly felt very badly for bringing it up; she should have just left the subject alone, as she _knew_ it would be a sensitive one, but sometimes her curiosity got the best of her.

“Sorry,” she apologized. “I shouldn’t have— I know it’s none of my business. M’sorry.”

Cassandra tried to get up then, as she doubted Bellatrix wanted her around after that, but a firm hand clasped around her wrist and she was pulled back down the bench. “Where the fuck are you going? I didn’t say we _couldn’t_ have a bloody conversation, but there’s a fucking line, alright?”

Cassandra sighed softly, but allowed herself to be dragged back down to the bench. “You just don’t want me to go ‘cause if I leave ya alone then you’re gonna have nothin’ else to do then go back to Cissa, who’s mad at you.”

“Says the woman who’s hiding out in the bloody _garden_ ‘cause you don’t want to deal with Cissy’s bullshit.”

“I’m out here ‘cause that house is a shit show,” Cassandra denied, but off of Bellatrix’s skeptical look she pursed her lips. “The ring is secondary, but I s’pose still a _thing,_ yeah. I dunno. I just don’t want to go back to her until I know how I feel ‘bout it. You fucked me all up in that regard. I was so fuckin’ _happy_ an’ you trampled right over it with a reality check I never bloody asked for.”

“Yeah, well, it was the reality check you bloody _needed,”_ Bellatrix defended, not about to apologize for it even with Narcissa being angry at her for it. “And quite fucking frankly, I don’t feel like picking up the pieces of you that Cissy shatters, so I’d rather you go into this bullshit with your eyes open.”

“Because that’s _your_ responsibility now, is it?” Cassandra asked skeptically. She knew she and Bellatrix were getting closer, but that still seemed like a stretch. “Just ‘cause we’re fuckin’ doesn’t mean you’re bloody obligated to cater to me emotionally.”

“Jesus Christ, you sound just like _her,”_ Bellatrix snapped, no doubt irritated that people so easily twisted her intentions. “I’m not trying to be your fucking ‘hero’ like Cissy claims, or _cater_ to you in some kind of bullshit way— but if she fucks you up then you’ll be _depressed_ and you won’t wanna _fuck_ and therefore if I want to get some arse it’ll be up to me to fix it and I just don’t have the fucking patience, so if I can stop you from getting beat to crap by her bullshit prematurely than it’s in my cunt’s best interest to fucking do it.”

Cassandra had a heavy eye roll reserved for _that,_ but a hint of a smirk peaked out regardless, as she could read between the lines. “The bloody _lengths_ you’re willing to go for your cunt,” she teased, and Bellatrix scoffed.

Cassandra’s smirk widened and she shifted on the bench, straddling it the same as Bellatrix as she faced her, scooting forward so that their legs were intertwined. She looked at her for a long moment, even though Bellatrix wouldn’t make eye contact with her until she reached up, cupping the back of the woman’s neck with her hand. It was then that Bellatrix’s gaze found hers, and Cassandra leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss upon the other woman’s lips. The kiss lingered, and when they parted Cassandra kept her hand on her neck as she breathed against her lips, “Thank you… for lookin’ out for me. M’okay though— I know it’ll never be everythin’ I want, but I think it’s enough. I _hope_ it’s enough. Besides, s’not like I’m gonna be just _her_ mistress for the rest of my life; I’ll have other lovers. I _have_ another lover… an’ you do too. It might not be the same, but maybe if you squish all the fractured pieces of our relationships together, it might start to resemble somethin’ whole.”

“Pretty sure that’s _not_ how it works,” Bellatrix countered, and maybe it wasn’t, but Cassandra was trying to look on the bright side. Maybe neither of them would get the wholly fulfilling relationship with Narcissa that they each wanted, but perhaps what they had with one another could at least help fill in the gaps for now. “Fucking me isn’t gonna make up for the fact that Cissy won’t marry you.”

“She _can’t_ marry me,” Cassandra corrected softly. “Just as she can’t marry you. But I think… I think if she was able, if she was able to marry the both of us while still bein’ married to Lucius… I think she’d do it. I think she’d want that more than fuckin’ anything.”

“Yeah, ‘cause she has a hard on for getting everything she’s ever bloody fucking wanted.”

“Would we love her if she was anythin’ but what she was though?” Cassandra countered, giving the other woman an understanding smile as she gently tucked an errant curl behind Bellatrix’s ear. “She’s a spoiled, selfish mess, yeah… but she’s _our_ mess all the same. Our fuckin’ mess that feels so much, loves so bloody _passionately_ that sure, sometimes she does crazy shit like propose to us even though she knows neither of our engagements could ever come to fruition, but I think… I think she just doesn’t know how to express the depths of her feelin’s otherwise. She’s always been… extra like that, y’know? Bloody _more_ than most. It’s just a part of who she is.”

Bellatrix lightly snorted. “ _Extra,”_ she repeated. “That’s exactly what the fuck she is.” She looked down at Cassandra’s hand that gently laid on her leg then, her gaze focusing on the ring that was on the woman’s finger. She stared at it for quite a while, lost in her own thoughts, until Cassandra reached out with her right hand, turning Bellatrix’s left one over so that the scar on her palm was visible. Bellatrix curled her fingers in instinctively, but after a moment relaxed them, allowing Cassandra to see the same promise that Narcissa had etched upon her skin.

“Can I?” Cassandra asked softly after she had reached out, hesitating just a moment before touching the scar on Bellatrix’s hand. The older woman shrugged, which was as close to a ‘yes’ as Cassandra knew she was going to get, and she gently traced the scar with her fingertips. Bellatrix didn’t say anything and neither did she, until finally Cassandra allowed their fingers to intertwine so that she was grasping onto Bellatrix’s scarred palm with the same had that bore her ring.

“I think I’m okay,” Cassandra told her softly, realizing that she had already known how she felt about the ring all along. She understood Bellatrix’s concerns, but she loved Narcissa, and she knew exactly who she was and why she did the things she did. She knew nothing would truly come of it, save perhaps Narcissa’s very obvious desire to ‘take care’ of her should she find herself homeless and penniless. Cassandra knew that was a large part of the reason Narcissa felt the need to stake some kind of official claim on her, and although Cassandra wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of needing help, she should probably resign herself to the reality of her situation should it come to pass.

“Maybe I won’t be later,” Cassandra acknowledged, because she didn’t know what the future would hold. “Maybe there will come a time in my life where I’ll want somethin’ more, but for now… I’m okay. Especially ‘cause I got all these weird, extra benefits now,” she gently teased, her fingers running over Bellatrix’s slender ones. She quickly got serious again though as she ran her thumb over the scar the older woman had on her palm, hoping that the ring on her finger would have the same permanence. “If it was just me an’ her— well, me _just_ havin’ her while she has you an’ Lucius too… I think it’d be harder. I know me an’ you aren’t… _anythin’,_ really, or anythin’ either of us are willin’ to define right now anyway… but it’s better than nothin’. It helps. This fuckin’ madness _helps,_ believe it or not.” Her inquisitive gaze found Bellatrix’s. “Does it help you?”

“What, having you? — _Fucking_ you,” Bellatrix quickly corrected herself, and Cassandra smirked but knew better than to call her out on it. Bellatrix averted her gaze and shrugged, obviously self-conscious about it yet not knowing how to really express that in any other way other than in forced apathy that still, somehow, seemed steeped in irritation. “I mean, it’s not shit if that’s what you’re asking.”

Cassandra narrowed her eyes at that answer. She understood Bellatrix had a problem expressing any kind of actual human emotion most days, but expressing it like that made it seem like a _damn_ low bar. “I would have preferred bein’ at least a couple more steps above _shit_ at the very least, but…”

“Fuck you, you know what I mean,” Bellatrix ground out, pulling her hand out of Cassandra’s in a huff before crossing her arms over her chest. “The fuck do you want me to say? _Yeah,_ it fucking helps, okay? I don’t feel as bloody shafted anymore— I get what she gets, sorta. I dunno. It’s not the _same_ obviously, because we’re not… whatever. But at least I fucking get a chance to have something else, something _normal.”_

Bellatrix stressed that word with aggression, as though she hated that she actually wanted something like that, and Cassandra shot her a sympathetic look because she understood how that could cause her turmoil. She _loved_ Narcissa; with everything she was, Bellatrix loved her. But it had been difficult for her, in many different ways and for a multitude of different reasons, and there was this part of her now that was just exhausted. It seemed like she hated herself for that; like perhaps it made her weak to not fully commit herself to the woman who had had her heart for so long, and it was obvious Bellatrix was still struggling to come to terms with that, despite _advocating_ for her own allocations to mirror Narcissa’s for so long.

“An’ what, _this_ is normal to you?” Cassandra responded with amused disbelief. “I get that ya view me as something different ‘cause I’m not related to you, but _this_ missed the mark of normalcy by a fair bit. We both love the same woman. We _share_ the same woman, an’ then fuck each other on the side too. It’s a mess, but that’s fine; I don’t think any of us would know how to have somethin’ that wasn’t a clusterfuck in one way or another. We’re all fucked in the head, to be honest. I see how people react to you guys bein’ together an’ I don’t _get_ it— I mean, I do, I guess, _objectively_ I know why incest is a problem, but there’s also this part of me that’s like… who is it hurtin’? You guys can’t have kids. Well—”

Cassandra stopped, her gaze flickering over to Aquila’s grave in the garden that she noticed Bellatrix made a point never to look at. Even now, even with the implication, her eyes still refused to rest on it, as though it made it easier for her if the whole thing was just forgotten about. That’s why Cassandra didn’t push _that_ weird amendment and continued, “Birth defects are the only real _issue_ anyway; like that’s the only way you both bein’ together would hurt someone else, but that’s not a factor anymore. If you’re happy you should just be _happy._ An’ I guess that makes me fucked up, to view it that way, an’ you both are fucked up for _bein’_ that way so… fuck it. Ya don’t gotta get down on yourself for wantin’ something ‘normal’ though, ‘cause this is by _no_ fuckin’ means it. You just… I dunno, wanted somethin’ that complimented what ya already had, an’ I guess… I guess I’m it. We’re both it for each other, as fucked up as _that_ twist of fate was.”

Bellatrix looked at her for a long time, and Cassandra could not for the life of her decipher the expression on her face. “You talk a lot,” she finally noted, but it didn’t really sound like she was _criticizing_ her, surprisingly. Still, it flustered Cassandra a little because she was always told as a kid that she never knew when to just _shut the fuck up_ , and she immediately apologized. Bellatrix looked exasperated. “No, I didn’t— it was just a fucking observation. Cissy will talk my bloody ear off too— I’m used to it. I just… I dunno. Your voice used to grate on me ‘cause I hated your fucking accent, but I just realized you’ve been bloody yapping for a while now and I haven’t wanted to kill myself, so that’s nice. _Better,_ or whatever.”

Cassandra just _stared_ at her, trying _very_ hard not to get offended even though she knew, she _knew_ her accent was weird because her mother’s was, but it was difficult considering Bellatrix had explicitly stated it made her want to kill herself at one point. The other woman, however, did not seem to understand that she said something wrong, and wrinkled her nose in irritation. “What? That was a fucking compliment.”

“That was _not_ a compliment. I’m not sure what that was, to be honest, but it damn sure didn’t make me feel good like a compliment is _s’posed_ to.”

“How the fuck did me saying I like your bloody voice now translate into being a shitty thing to say to someone?” Bellatrix countered, which only made Cassandra stare at her in disbelief even _more_ because—

“…That’s not what ya said.”

“Well it’s what I fucking _meant,_ obviously,” Bellatrix snapped, irritated and a little embarrassed now that she had to spell it out for her. “Jesus— whatever. Forget I fucking said anything. I’m not gonna just be this bloody fountain spewing complimentary bullshit to feed your ego; if you want that, go bother Cissy—”

“Fuckin’ _Christ,_ you’re so bloody defensive,” Cassandra swore, exasperated by her need to overshadow every _nice_ thing she said with something less so, as though somehow it might protect her in case Cassandra didn’t receive what she was saying well. “I don’t need ya to feed my ego. Well—” she reevaluated, deciding to be blunt, “frankly, you do that whether you want to or not. I get a _damn_ good power trip from beddin’ you, to be honest, especially ‘cause of how antagonistic you used to be with me. But that’s not all I get anymore, an’ it’s the _other_ shit I’m really startin’ to like so can you maybe, for like three bloody seconds, stop this habit of yours where ya test the waters for a minute before slamming up fourteen different walls? You don’t even give me a chance to _react.”_

“And how the fuck would you _react_ to something like that?” Bellatrix countered, as though she didn’t think the benefits outweighed the cost of not keeping Cassandra at arm’s length, even after trying to tip toe towards her. Instead of outright answering though, Cassandra grabbed hold of the other woman’s hand and practically _yanked_ her forward, swinging her legs over Bellatrix’s thighs as she trapped her half beneath her body, pressing her lips to the older woman’s ear.

“If you’re startin’ to like my voice, there are many ways I could react that would be beneficial to you, _Daddy,”_ she breathed, her tone dropping an octave or two to make it come off as more suggestive, even though the term of address probably did that by itself. She could feel Bellatrix’s cheek move against her own as the older woman’s lips turned up into a smirk, and suddenly a hand was sliding up her thigh.

“…Keep talking, Kitten.”

Cassandra bit down on her lower lip, enjoying how easy it was to get Bellatrix caught up in her. Still, now was not the time; there was so much going on right now with Narcissa, and for them to get wrapped up in each other without her felt cruel. “I would love to, an’ I _will,”_ Cassandra promised, her arms sliding around the other woman’s waist to keep her against her body. She knew Bellatrix hated being told _no,_ and didn’t want for her to push her away. “I’ll whisper such fuckin’ _filth_ in your ear you’ll be comin’ just from my words, but… not now. Not tonight.” Cassandra placed her lips against Bellatrix’s cheek then, giving her a gentle kiss in apology before she rested one of her hands against the side of her neck as she looked down at her. “You know it’d be fucked up if we started… y’know. She’s a wreck right now an’ she needs us.”

Thankfully, Bellatrix did not pull away from her, but she _did_ look annoyed. “She’s _had_ us for the last six bloody days; we’ve been practically up her arse trying to comfort her over this bullshit and what do I get for it? Yelled at, like fucking always. I’m over it.”

“You’re not over it,” Cassandra softly responded, as she wasn’t going to placate that kind of dismissal. Whatever had happened between them, it had clearly bothered Bellatrix as the line between the woman’s brow etched deeper. “She was yellin’ at you over what ya said about the ring?”

“Mostly.” Cassandra just stared at her after that answer though, obviously waiting for elaboration, and Bellatrix rolled her eyes as she shifted on the stone bench, grabbing Cassandra’s thighs to pull her the last few centimeters toward her until the woman was practically on her lap. “You really need me to fucking elaborate? Take a fucking _guess_ what’s pissed her of now… _”_ she drawled, her fingers making their way up Cassandra’s long skirt until the younger woman practically smacked her hands, stilling and trapping them against her thighs.

Her brow quirked. “You tryin’ to make it worse?”

“No, I’m _trying_ to have five fucking minutes where my world doesn’t revolve around my sister, because she said to not let her stop me from doing what I wanted, and I _damn_ sure intend to do just that. If I’m gonna get screamed at, I’d rather it be fucking worth it.”

Cassandra looked at her like she had to be kidding her with this. “As temptin’ as _that_ seduction technique was, I think I’m gonna pass.” Bellatrix looked irritated and tried to move out from under her, but now that she had Cassandra in her lap that made it near impossible. Cassandra gently grabbed the woman’s wrists though, pulling her back towards her imploringly. “Come on; I know she was doin’ better with this whole thing, but if she’s back to bein’ jealous again, we _can’t_ make it worse. She’s already goin’ through so much—”

“I know what the fuck she’s going through!” Bellatrix snapped, wrenching her hands out of hers. Cassandra sighed, but allowed the woman her space. “I know it’s my fucking fault—”

“It’s not.”

Bellatrix just exhaled an exasperated, bitter laugh. “Last I bloody checked, her son was pissed off that she’s fucking _me,_ so yeah— pretty sure this is my goddamn fault,” Bellatrix pointed out which yes, was fair, so perhaps Cassandra should have specified that it wasn’t _entirely_ her fault. This had been a choice Narcissa made herself; both in bedding her sister _and_ in telling Draco about it. “And fine, whatever— I’ll take that fucking blame, but I’m just bloody tired of her grasping onto other bullshit in order for her to justify being pissed off at me, especially when she says one thing and then turns around and does another!”

Cassandra’s brow knit. “What do you mean?”

Bellatrix averted her gaze, exhaling a frustrated breath. “Nothing— it’s whatever. It doesn’t fucking matter…”

“Bellatrix,” Cassandra said flatly, not enjoying this deflection as it wasn’t getting anyone anywhere. “Please tell me. Ya never know, I might be able to help you _fix_ it. I mean, there’s gotta be an upside to three of us in a relationship, yeah? Outside perspective, an’ all that.”

“Yeah, cause you’re such an _outsider,”_ Bellatrix shot back disbelievingly. “You’re right in the fucking middle of this mess, and _that’s_ apparently the problem.” Cassandra’s brow furrowed, a silent request for her to continue, and Bellatrix exhaled a long sigh as she pushed the hair back from her face. “It’s just bloody _annoying._ One minute she tells me she’s fine with us, and then the next she’s screaming at me over how I feel about you; she needs to make up her fucking mind.”

Cassandra’s brow rose at that, her heart beating a little faster in her chest. “Oh?” she asked, trying to keep how she felt inside as she forced her tone to be casual. “An’ how _do_ you feel about me?”

It was like Cassandra could _see_ the other woman slam up about fifteen different walls. “You’re a good lay,” she deadpanned, which only made Cassandra shoot her an exasperated look.

‘“Yeah, I’m sure _that’s_ what’s pissin’ off Cissa; the fact you enjoy stickin’ your fingers in my cunt.”

“I’m not fucking getting into this, okay?” Bellatrix snapped, still horribly defensive over it maybe not being entirely about sex anymore. “It doesn’t even matter; Cissy has made it perfectly goddamn clear that she can’t handle anything right now, and while a part of me wants to be like _fuck_ her and indulge myself anyway, I know I can’t bloody do that while she’s this fucking depressed. I might be a dick, but I still love her, and my judgment isn’t _that_ fucked off.”

Thank goodness for small favors.

Cassandra reached out, tangling her fingers in the other woman’s. There was a heaviness in her chest that she couldn’t name, and frankly was too scared to. “Then we take a step back, yeah?” she gently encouraged, even though to be honest, she didn’t want to just as much as Bellatrix didn’t. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? It was absolutely _terrifying_ experiencing what was unfolding between the two of them, and that was another reason Cassandra suggested some space. If this was real, if this was something that had more substance than just a shared desire for the other’s body, then they could resume their relationship later, if that was something they found they both wanted. Right now though, they needed to focus on Narcissa; it was _her_ world that was crumbling, and ignoring that in favor of whatever might be developing between the two of them would be selfish. “There’ll be time for us later, but I think… I think right now, that she needs to feel like what she just lost was worth it, y’know? An’ that means ya gotta go show her that it is. S’your night with her anyway, yeah?”

Bellatrix shifted her eyes toward the manor. “Cissy doesn’t want to be around me right now, _believe_ me. I’m pretty sure I made her fucking cry.”

“I mean… to be fair, she cries over most things,” Cassandra responded, which did at least get a small snort of amusement from Bellatrix. “But that doesn’t mean she won’t want to be around ya. I think her flippin’ out about _us_ is a pretty good indication that she does wanna be around ya, actually; I think she’s just irrationally scared right now that if you pay attention to me that you’re gonna forget about _her,_ an’ with what happened with Draco…” Cassandra trailed off, sighing softly. “This is somethin’ _you_ need to fix, Bellatrix. This drama happened ‘cause of you guys’ relationship, an’ I think all she wants is to know that she didn’t risk losin’ Draco over nothin’. So just… show her that it was worth all the heartache, yeah? An’ then when this dies down, when she feels a bit better, you an’ I can… I dunno. Pick up where we left off, I guess. If that’s… if that’s somethin’ ya want.”

Bellatrix exhaled a long breath, but eventually nodded before allowing her gaze to connect with Cassandra’s. The younger woman wasn’t sure if that nod was for recognizing what she had to do with Narcissa, or agreeing that them picking up where they left off later would be something that she would want, but perhaps it simply encompassed both. Cassandra smiled softly at her though as she reached up and gently cupped the back of the other woman’s neck, taking the nod as something positive regardless of what it meant. Bellatrix looked at her for a long while, her gaze taking in every inch of the younger woman’s face before finally settling on her lips. Cassandra _knew_ that look, and she gently moistened her bottom lip before Bellatrix leaned in, connecting them in a soft kiss.

Cassandra didn’t know why— she wasn’t sure if Bellatrix was merely thankful that she was trying to help her bullshit with Narcissa, or if she simply wanted one last moment between the two of them before they needed to make a point not to be so bloody into one another for Narcissa’s sake. To be honest, it didn’t matter. Cassandra relished the kiss that was surprisingly much gentler than Bellatrix normally was, her eyes falling closed as her uneven breaths tickled the older woman’s lips. The kiss lasted a while, Cassandra’s hand still firmly clasped around Bellatrix’s neck while the brunette slid her tongue in her mouth, dragged her teeth against her lips, and caused Cassandra to forget for a few seconds that they shouldn’t be indulging in one another like this, as it would only make it harder to stop.

Thankfully, Bellatrix had plans to stop on her own, but not before she left Cassandra’s lips stinging and knickers an absolute wreck. Bellatrix had her hand on the younger woman’s cheek, her thumb pressed against the side of Cassandra’s mouth as her own lips dragged across the expanse of her jawline. “Promise me something, Kitten?” she breathed, and Cassandra’s response was immediate and breathless.

“Anythin’.”

Fuck. She was in so much trouble.

Cassandra could feel Bellatrix gently smirk against her cheek due to the speed of her response, and Bellatrix pressed her lips against the younger woman’s ear. “When you fuck yourself tonight thinking about me…” Cassandra exhaled a hard breath, halfway between exasperated and turned on at Bellatrix’s blatant assumption that she _would,_ “Remember every filthy fucking detail; because when Cissy can stand this again, I’m going to make you both recite _and_ reenact it for me. Sound fun?”

 _Oh._ Cassandra did not want to make it obvious what that scenario did to her, but the light pink patches on her cheeks followed by an obedient, “Yes, Daddy,” probably made that pretty clear. Bellatrix leaned back then, a genuine smile on her face because she truly did _enjoy_ playing these kinds of games with her, and this awful yearning tugged in Cassandra’s chest as she was reminded that they had to be put on hold for a little while.

Still, Cassandra knew it was for the best; sex was fun, but love… _love_ was everything, and at the end of the day, Narcissa was and always would be more important than anything else… for _both_ of them.

**TBC…**


	5. PART V.

**PART V  
** [ Between Chapters 48 & 49 ]

* * *

Cassandra knew she had fucked up.

In all honesty, she had no idea how she went from trying to casually take a step back for Narcissa’s sake, to being absolutely bloody terrified of Bellatrix and practically _bolting_ in the other direction. She had known she had feelings for Bellatrix for a while now, but there were… _levels_ to it, Cassandra supposed, and in her head she was only allowed to hover near the surface ones as they were the only levels that were ‘acceptable’ whilst being in love with another, and when Cassandra realized her feelings ran a little deeper than she had originally thought, she had _freaked_ out.

It wasn’t even anything big that made her realize either. It was a bunch of little things, like how it made her feel when the other woman came after her so that Cassandra wouldn’t be confronted by her husband when she couldn’t emotionally handle it. It was the fact that Bellatrix _knew_ what she could or could not emotionally handle in the first place, and how Cassandra realized she was starting to learn the same for Bellatrix. It was the way she would always stare at the older woman from afar when she wasn’t looking, and how badly she hated that she had to look away when Bellatrix tried to catch her gaze, because she loved Narcissa and she _had_ to make things easier for her, and getting emotionally involved with Bellatrix would achieve the exact opposite of that.

Cassandra tried to rationalize her behavior the same way Narcissa did though; both of their children would not speak to them, and Bellatrix simply _couldn’t_ understand how gut-wrenching that was, because she was not a mother. Well— she was not a mother to any child that was alive, at any rate. Still, Bellatrix’s patience when it came to their incessant breakdowns over their children _had_ been waning lately, and so it was only natural that they gravitated toward the one place they knew they could get comfort from. Unfortunately, eventually they both realized full goddamn well that whether they had meant to or not, they were cutting Bellatrix out of their relationship, and yet they did not stop.

For that reason, Cassandra knew they absolutely deserved Bellatrix’s backlash. She couldn’t even _imagine_ if the positions had been reversed, and how that would make her feel. Cassandra wished she had better coping mechanisms, and she wished she hadn’t been so bloody scared to just talk to Bellatrix, or even _Narcissa_ , about how she had been feeling, but as it felt selfish for her to even feel like that in the first place, Cassandra hid it and hyper-focused on Narcissa out of guilt, to try to _not_ be an arsehole, only to realize that she was still being one— just to someone else she cared about.

Still, being deserving of the backlash was one thing, but the _level_ Bellatrix took it to was… far more than Cassandra could emotionally handle, frankly. Hearing that _child_ call Bellatrix ‘Daddy’ had broken something inside of her, even though it was just some stupid _kink_ that shouldn’t— God, it _shouldn’t_ matter, but it did. It was _their_ bloody dynamic, and the fact that Bellatrix easily replaced her with someone _younger_ and _prettier_ had gutted Cassandra. What was far worse than that though were the things Bellatrix said after the fact, and while logically Cassandra understood that Bellatrix’s defense mechanism was to push others away before she could get hurt, it didn’t change how it made her feel to be called Narcissa’s ‘whore’ again, or to hear that Bellatrix did not care about her, or that she wasn’t that special after all. Cassandra had a _terrible_ fear of not being enough for people, which Bellatrix knew and made sure to capitalize on; she hit Cassandra where it had _hurt,_ and she had done it knowing full-well what her reaction would be.

Because this was aimed at her— Bellatrix was mad at Narcissa too, but _Jade_ was specifically Cassandra’s punishment. Bellatrix had blamed her more than she blamed her sister, and Cassandra did not know why. Probably because she liked her far less— Narcissa was Bellatrix’s _everything,_ so of course if she had to blame someone, she would blame her. Cassandra understood it, she understood _all_ of it; she knew why Bellatrix acted how she did, she knew Bellatrix hated her whilst simultaneously trying to get her attention because she still _liked_ her, and yet even with the knowledge that Bellatrix’s motivations came from a place of actually giving a shit, Cassandra’s chest still felt heavy as she sat in her bedroom and cried.

She hated herself, honestly. She felt so fucking pathetic for being upset; it wasn’t like she was unaware of the type of person that Bellatrix _was._ It wasn’t like she actually thought she’d ever be valued by her to the extent that the woman’s sister was. It wasn’t like Cassandra didn’t know _now_ that the same would never be true in reverse either, so of course Narcissa stayed behind with Bellatrix instead of going after _her._ She also knew that, objectively, she very much was replaceable, and that there wasn’t a single thing about her that made her ‘special’, so neither of those things should have hurt as badly as they did. And this… _this_ was why Cassandra hated herself most of all, because she was nearly forty years old and she still spiraled the same as when she was twelve.

Cassandra’s depression versus her logic was always a never-ending battle inside of her head as she struggled not to feel the things she did, as she always believed they were inappropriate for the situation. Her emotions were always stupid, or _wrong,_ or just some bloody fucking byproduct of her shitty self-esteem, and knowing that made Cassandra’s aggression toward herself even worse, which then of course turned into more ridiculous bullshit like ‘this is exactly why no one likes you’, even though Cassandra knew they _did,_ or at least _Narcissa_ did, and, God— it was too much. Cassandra covered her face as she exhaled a frustrated sob, trying to calm herself down because this was over-dramatic and bloody _embarrassing._ She was an adult, for fuck’s sake— she could handle a bit of rejection. It was _fine!_

It wasn’t fine.

Cassandra pushed herself off of her bed in a huff, beginning to pace the length of her room as she violently wiped the tears from her eyes. As she passed by her door however she heard a noise on the other side of it and stopped mid-stride, trying to swallow the lump in her throat as she stared at the obstruction as though if she willed it hard enough, she would be able to see _through_ it. Not that she needed to, to know who was lingering on the other side of it, as Narcissa would have just _come in_ if it had been her.

No, it was Bellatrix, who no doubt had gotten screamed at by Narcissa and now felt the need to rectify her shit despite not actually feeling badly for it. Cassandra didn’t know if she had the effort to deal with it; she didn’t want some half-arsed apology that was only coaxed out of her because Bellatrix didn’t want to piss of _Narcissa,_ and Cassandra certainly did not wish to apologize in turn for her part in all of it if _hers_ was genuine and Bellatrix’s might not be; that just felt emotionally masochistic.

“I’m not in the mood,” Cassandra told her through the door, her voice still tight from emotion as she wiped the tears from beneath her eyes. She just could not deal with this right now; everything was still far too raw, and she didn’t want Bellatrix to bear witness to how much she had fucking hurt her, as Cassandra no longer trusted the other woman with her weaknesses.

Maybe she was an idiot to have in the first place.

“I wasn’t trying to fuck you!” Bellatrix snapped incredulously, which only made Cassandra roll her eyes because of course, of _course_ that would be what she inferred from that. She leaned her shoulder against the wood, supporting her weight on the obstruction as she exhaled a long, drawn out sigh.

“I _meant_ I wasn’t in the mood for a conversation right now,” Cassandra clarified, which made Bellatrix pause for a long moment.

“…Oh.”

The silence stretched onward.

“Fine… whatever.”

More silence. Cassandra didn’t move from the door, trying to get her breathing under control so that Bellatrix couldn’t hear how upset she was. She had expected Bellatrix to trudge off— to just say ‘fuck it, I tried’ to Narcissa and assume that because her bare minimum effort hadn’t yielded results, that she should just give up, but Cassandra didn’t hear any movement on the other side of the door. The seconds stretched into minutes, and the crease between Cassandra’s brow deepened.

“Are you still outside my bloody door?” she asked curiously, wondering if maybe Bellatrix was just stealthier than she thought, and that she had already left. The woman was _usually_ like a troll in an apothecary when it came to… well, everything in her life, but perhaps Cassandra had misjudged her.

She hadn’t.

“No,” Bellatrix snapped, before she realized how fucking _stupid_ that sounded and reevaluated with a grumbled, “—Obviously.”

_Obviously._

“I’m being fucking ‘patient’, okay? Jesus— isn’t that what I’m _supposed_ to do?” Bellatrix continued defensively. She sounded so incredibly frustrated as she was very obviously out of her element and maybe, _maybe,_ Cassandra had been wrong, and Bellatrix felt guilty after all. Cassandra tried not to allow herself to hope for that, but it was hard to suppress it. “Look, me and Cissy fight differently so I’m trying here; give me some goddamn credit.”

_Did_ they though? Because from what Cassandra understood, this was exactly how Bellatrix dealt with her insecurities with Narcissa— she went overboard trying to force a reaction out of her, because if Narcissa got _angry_ then that meant she cared. Apparently, the same applied to Cassandra, and while some weird, _fucked up_ part of her felt like that actually _did_ make her special — despite Bellatrix’s earlier desire to shred her self-esteem by implying she was not _—_ the logical, sane part of Cassandra knew that wasn’t something that someone _normal_ would be happy about.

But then again, she wasn’t exactly normal, was she? Nobody normal would choose _this,_ and yet this was the one thing Cassandra wanted to work out so bloody badly in her life, however feared that it would not because of this— because of _them._ She liked Bellatrix, she _did,_ but Cassandra didn’t know if she could willingly put herself in the position of getting emotionally slaughtered every time they fought. She had watched what it had done to Narcissa, and Cassandra did not want to be party to that misery, no matter _how_ good the rest of it felt.

“An’ what would you do if I told ya that I didn’t wanna talk to you at all tonight?” Cassandra asked, genuinely curious. Her voice was soft, but she could feel Bellatrix on the other side of the door, and knew the other woman could hear her. “Would ya give up an’ just go back to Cissa? You an’ I both know she’d be pissed at you— she’d tell ya that you didn’t try hard enough. You think I don’t know that you’re only here ‘cause she told you to be?”

“Fuck you, you really think that?” Bellatrix shot back, sounding offended. “I’m not Cissy’s bloody parrot— believe me, if I didn’t want to be here, then I _wouldn’t._ You think I’d willingly stand outside of just any bitch’s door all goddamn night? You’re fucked.”

“You don’t have the patience to stand there all night,” Cassandra responded, finding her declaration of what she could do rather pointless, as she knew Bellatrix would _not._ “You’ve made your point, okay? But it doesn’t matter anyway— despite you hurtin’ me, I know ya did it ‘cause you wanted to know if I gave a shit. I know you’re here now ‘cause _you_ give a shit, an’ ‘cause you might actually regret the stuff you said after all. I just don’t know if that changes anythin’, an’ _that’s_ why I don’t wanna let you in.”

“The fuck you mean, that doesn’t _change_ anything?” Bellatrix asked incredulously, her hands slamming against the threshold of the door. She sounded frustrated. “Cassandra, just— for fuck’s sake, let me explain.”

“Explain what? Your shitty coping mechanisms? I already know all about ‘em. You wouldn’t be tellin’ me somethin’ I didn’t already know.”

“Then fucking explain _yours_ to me, because none of this would have sodding happened if you hadn’t acted like I barely fucking existed!” Bellatrix shot back, and a heaviness invaded Cassandra’s chest as she closed her eyes, another tear slipping down her cheek as she leaned helplessly against the door. She knew, she _knew_ this was her fault, but Cassandra didn’t want to believe that she deserved being treated as disposable trash for it either.

Maybe she did though. She didn’t know anymore.

“I’m sorry,” Cassandra breathed, her thumb idly picking at an imperfection in the wood of the door. She sniffled, a tear sliding down the bridge of her nose. “That was cruel. I just didn’t want to hurt her. An’ I… I didn’t know how to handle how I felt.”

“Yeah, neither did I— fucking _obviously,”_ Bellatrix ground out, her patience with this emotional honesty already waning. Cassandra knew Bellatrix hated this, but the fact that she was _entertaining_ it spoke volumes. In truth, Cassandra wanted to let her in, but she also didn’t want to be subjecting herself to the never-ending whiplash that Narcissa had been condemned to her entire bloody life.

“Just open the damn door,” Bellatrix tried again, her tone a little more pleading than aggressive this time. “I’m already shit at apologizing and I’m _not_ gonna do it to a piece of fucking wood.” Cassandra chewed on her bottom lip, her stomach twisting in knots. She didn’t say anything though, still so very unsure if she should let down her walls.

“Jesus fucking—” Bellatrix swore before she kicked the base of the door in irritation, realizing she wasn’t going to be let in. “Fine, I’m _sorry—_ I thought you lost interest in me and it _pissed_ me off because I hadn’t lost mine in you, and that made me feel… I don’t know, bloody _pathetic._ I hated you for that. I wanted to hurt you, so I _did,_ and now I fucked everything up. Cassandra— for fuck’s sake.” Bellatrix kicked the door again for good measure. She exhaled a long breath, sounding so terribly tired and frustrated by her own emotions. “I _don’t_ want this to be fucked up, okay? Because it’s not your— it’s not your pretty cunt, or the fact that you’re a good lay… Christ, this is so stupid— just open the fucking door; I’m not telling you this shit unless it’s to your face!”

Cassandra sucked in a sharp breath at Bellatrix’s words, not expecting the woman to go down _that_ route. An apology was one thing, but for her to be truthful about her feelings? That was… that was quite another, and it was the main reason Cassandra finally opened the door, allowing Bellatrix in. The older woman stared at her for a long moment, seeing the tear tracks line the redhead’s speckled cheeks, before she finally entered and shut the door behind her. Now that she was on the other side of the door, it seemed Bellatrix either did not know what to say, or realized it was much more terrifying to say those kinds of things to someone’s face instead of the goddamn slab of wood she seemed to hate so much.

Finally, Bellatrix spoke. “You’re not my sister’s whore,” she told her softly. “I’m just an arsehole who knows I can’t call you ‘my’ anything ‘cause you’re _her_ everything _,_ and it’s starting to piss me off even though she’s my everything too, so I know I don’t have a bloody right. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do or say right now— but I didn’t fucking mean it, obviously, when I said you weren’t special. I wouldn’t bloody be here right now if you weren’t.”

Cassandra swallowed hard, her stomach fluttering in her abdomen. “Say more things like that,” she encouraged softly, and Bellatrix took a step toward her.

“This is gonna sound… fucking _stupid,_ considering the shit I just did, but I want to make you happy, okay?” Bellatrix admitted, although sounded as though the words were painful for her to utter— mostly because she knew they contradicted quite terribly with her actions. She knew she sounded foolish, and yet she powered through it anyway as she pushed the hair out of her eyes. “I know I’m no good at it though. I never have been. I know I’m shit— but I can’t fucking _infer_ anything; I don’t know how to read between the lines, I don’t know how to scratch the surface of people’s bullshit. If you felt shit for me, you should have fucking _told_ me—”

“I have feelings for you,” Cassandra told her softly, responding to Bellatrix’s request that she be blunt about it. Even though she knew the other woman already _knew_ at this point, the admission still made her nervous as she waited for Bellatrix’s reply. Cassandra’s eyes searched hers before she swallowed the lump in her throat. “Happy?”

Bellatrix exhaled. She looked like she had quite a lot to say to that yet didn’t know how to express it, but it didn’t matter because suddenly an overwhelming wave of emotion coursed through Cassandra and she stepped away from her as her eyes welled up with tears. “But that’s why it fuckin’ shred me to watch you take my insecurities an’ purposely try to slaughter me with ‘em. It doesn’t matter if I have feelings for you or not— I don’t trust you not to hurt me with them anymore.”

“Yet it’s apparently okay for you and Cissy to hurt me with _mine?”_ Bellatrix shot back incredulously, not about to take the majority of the blame. “You’re not a fucking idiot like I am— you must have bloody known that I… that I…!” But Bellatrix couldn’t finish her sentence, wanting Cassandra to infer how she felt, but she wasn’t going to do that. If _she_ had to be blunt with how she felt, then so did Bellatrix.

“Say it,” Cassandra softly demanded. “I’m not gonna be the only one.”

Bellatrix exhaled a frustrated sound as she turned away from her, pushing her mess of hair away from her face. “ _Fuck_ you,” she swore as she tuned back around, furiously pointing at Cassandra. “You _knew_ I felt shit for you and you fucking ignored me anyway! What the hell did you _expect_ me to do? Sorry I have shit coping mechanisms; is anyone bloody surprised? I’m tired of you and Cissy’s feelings being the only ones that matter just because you _cry_ over shit like pansy arse girls; just because I don’t cry, doesn’t mean shit doesn’t _fucking_ matter to me!” Bellatrix screamed, losing control of her emotions as she slammed the flat of her palms into Cassandra’s dresser, causing the nice vase that lay atop it to wobble before it fell to the floor, shattering.

“Stop— _stop!”_ Cassandra shouted, already knowing where _this_ would lead if she didn’t get a hold of it. “I’m not gonna let ya just rampage through my fuckin’ room ‘cause you don’t know how to express yourself otherwise— use your bloody words!”

“Use _my_ words?!” Bellatrix shouted as she got right up in Cassandra’s face, her eyes blackening in anger as she stared up at her. “Use _yours—_ you were the one who fucking ran, Cassandra; you’re the one that started _all_ of this! Cissy’s a self-involved bitch so I’m not surprised she did this to me, but you were supposed to be different— you actually fucking talked to me, you actually seemed like you genuinely gave a shit and then suddenly you _didn’t!”_

“I _did;_ that was the whole bloody problem!” Cassandra defended, even though she knew deep down that it was a shitty defense; what she had done had obviously hurt Bellatrix and maybe she was right— maybe it _wasn’t_ fair that the other woman’s pain always got overshadowed by theirs just because her and Narcissa were more vocal about it.

“I feel like— _fuck,”_ Cassandra swore, suddenly realizing why she had acted the way she had. Her brow knit in distress, already hating herself because she knew she was about to make very little sense, but this, _this_ was how her brain worked. “I feel like I’m cheatin’ on her, Bellatrix. _Again._ An’ I know it’s different now, but in a way that makes it _worse_ ‘cause the first time I did, I didn’t have feelings for you. Now, with how I feel… I dunno, emotionally cheatin’ feels so much bloody _worse…”_

Bellatrix stared at her like she didn’t understand where her thought process was coming from. “Cassandra, Cissy’s letting us—”

“I know!” Cassandra exclaimed, as she knew it didn’t make any sense considering their boundaries; or perhaps the lack thereof now. “I know what she’s allowin’; I _know_ what we’re all s’posed to be to each other. But I betrayed her once already, an’ I have never regretted anythin’ more in my fuckin’ life. I’m so _bloody_ afraid that with her flip-floppin’ all over the place with her jealousy, that one day she’s gonna just turn ‘round and tell me to fuck off ‘cause she’s mad I got _you_ now. I like you, Bellatrix, but I _love_ her. I can’t lose ‘er.”

Bellatrix stared at her for a long moment before suddenly exhaling a loud, disbelieving laugh. Cassandra’s expression set. “Ya don’t gotta fuckin’ _laugh…”_

“Of course I have to fucking laugh; that’s the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever bloody heard!” Bellatrix exclaimed, looking at Cassandra like she couldn’t believe she didn’t see it herself. “What the fuck are we _doing?_ Huh? Was _this_ either of our first choices?” Bellatrix challenged as she motioned between them, which only made Cassandra look hurt until the other woman explained in an exasperated tone, “I’m not fucking saying that I don’t like how this shit turned out, but _neither_ of us wanted to share her, Cassandra— the _only_ reason we felt we had to do this was because we both knew that she wasn’t ever going to leave the other. We were resigned to this shit and just tried to make the best of it, ‘cause what the fuck else were we going to do? I spent nearly a year of my life trying to break you guys up and yet nothing fucking happened. You think she’ll turn around one day and _leave_ you? Kitten, if _I_ couldn’t make her leave you when I was actively fucking _trying,_ then she’s not gonna leave you for something _she_ bloody orchestrated. So yeah, you thinking that was bloody _hilarious.”_

Cassandra’s chest tightened as she looked at the other woman. She knew Bellatrix was right, and that maybe her fear and paranoia were completely unwarranted when you looked at the situation like _that,_ but there was one part of that that stuck out to her, and the base of the younger woman’s abdomen twisted uncomfortably in her gut as she quietly requested, “…Please don’t call me that.” Because ‘Kitten’ just reminded her of a dynamic that was tainted now, and Cassandra was not ready to be reminded of that yet.

Bellatrix had never been one to show much emotion in her expression unless it was frustration or anger, but _that_ made her face crumple as Bellatrix’s regret and sadness sere shown clearly in the lines of her face. “I didn’t— I’ve _never_ called anyone that other than you, so don’t fuckin’ think that just because—”

“It doesn’t matter,” Cassandra breathed sadly, feeling rather hollow. She hadn’t realized how much she loved their stupid fucking kinky pet name _bullshit_ until she lost it, and Cassandra’s eyes began to well up with tears again. “S’all lumped together. An’ I know, I _know_ that girl didn’t mean anythin’ to you, but in a way that makes it worse. I mean, you said it yourself; you could have ‘fifteen different women call ya ‘Daddy’ if ya wanted to’, so—”

“I don’t fucking _want_ anyone else to call me that other than you!” Bellatrix exclaimed, clearly frustrated that Cassandra couldn’t see that despite her actions indicating otherwise. “For fuck’s sake, the _only_ reason I wanted Cissy to call me that once was because I was being a _dick_ and enjoyed the power trip it gave me to make her succumb to my bullshit— but generally, that’s not our bloody dynamic, even _with_ me domming the fuck out of her.” And Cassandra knew that, she did, and while she understood Bellatrix’s point, it wasn’t _Narcissa_ calling Bellatrix ‘Daddy’ that she had a problem with.

“It’s _you_ I want to bloody collar, Cassandra,” Bellatrix explained, her tone stressed and borderline frantic in her desire to make the other woman understand. While framed as a kink, the desperation behind Bellatrix’s voice made it seem oddly romantic, and Cassandra swallowed hard as anxiety swirled in the pit of her gut. “It’s you I want to spoil and groom and whatever the _fuck_ else goes along with all of that—”

Cassandra shook her head, her esophagus tightening as she tried not to let the tears fall. “Then maybe ya shouldn’t have tried to replace me with some fuckin’ _child.”_

“I didn’t!” Bellatrix snapped, beyond frustrated. “You think I treated that girl like _you?_ I don’t treat anyone like you; Jade wasn’t my _pet,_ she wasn’t my girlfriend; she was a distraction who, yeah, called me ‘Daddy’, but I didn’t bloody treat her like a ‘Daddy’ should or _whatever;_ Jesus, I don’t know how to explain it, okay? It was just a fucking word she used; it didn’t mean anything!”

“Well it meant something to me, an’ you had to go an’ _cheapen_ it!” Cassandra exclaimed furiously, before what Bellatrix said clicked in her head and she stopped, staring at her. “Wait— back up,” she backtracked, holding up her hand. A part of her wondered if she even heard Bellatrix correctly, as even with knowing that the other woman had feelings for her, she assumed there was still a _line_. “What did you just say she _wasn’t?”_ Because with the way Bellatrix had framed it, specifically stating what Jade _wasn’t_ implied that was what Cassandra _was,_ and what she had said had been… unexpected, at the very least.

Bellatrix didn’t seem to realize what she said until it was pointed out to her, which of _course_ made her defensive as she got embarrassed and that made her _angry._ “What, my pet? I mean, fucking _obviously—”_

“No,” Cassandra responded quietly, not letting Bellatrix dance around it. “The other thing ya said.”

Bellatrix was quiet for a long moment, not really knowing if she should repeat it, as this wasn’t something they had discussed before. Instead of _discussing_ it though, Bellatrix decided the best way to go about this would be just to treat it as though it was already something established and obvious as she snapped, “I mean, the three of us _are_ fucking dating, aren’t we? Isn’t that the whole bloody point of this? So yeah, _obviously_ you’re my girlfriend; what the fuck else would you be? It’s just some stupid word; don’t get all hung up on it.”

Cassandra was quiet for a long time as she tried to suppress the amount of emotion that made her feel, as despite that declaration, everything was still so fragile between them. Still, it was obviously beginning to get repaired, as Bellatrix _had_ been making every effort she was capable of to fix what she had broken. She wasn’t perfect at it, but Cassandra would have been deluding herself if she expected anything more than this. To be quite frank, she had expected much _less_ than this, so in return Cassandra tried to repair what she could on _her_ end as, at the very least, it was what Bellatrix deserved.

“I never stopped looking at you, y’know,” Cassandra told her softly, voice just barely above a whisper. “I know ya think I did, but I just… never wanted you to see me watchin’. I was afraid you’d see how I felt in my eyes, an’ that it’d make everything harder.”

Bellatrix lightly snorted, but took another step toward her. “You _really_ give me too much fucking credit; I apparently need shit spelled out plainly for me— fucking dated, signed, and notarized, before I notice what the hell is going on. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not,” Cassandra responded understandingly, unable to help herself as her hand found Bellatrix’s, and she lightly tangled their fingers together. “You just don’t trust what ya see. I know how that feels. It’s rare our image of ourselves aligns with how others view us, an’ that makes it harder to see when someone sees more of us than we see in ourselves. Besides, it’s probably been a long time since you’ve had to infer a woman’s emotions; Cissa… I love her to death, but she practically slits her wrists an’ _bleeds_ with it. It’s not hard to know how she feels, ‘cause she’ll make a very large showin’ of tellin’ ya. I didn’t do that. I didn’t _want_ ya to know an’ so… so you didn’t. That’s not your fault.”

Cassandra searched the other woman’s eyes, her hand squeezing Bellatrix’s as she promised softly, “I’ll try to do better; with vocalizin’ an’ shit, because I should have— I _should_ have just talked to you, an’ I’m sorry. I wish I hadn’t hurt you. You didn’t deserve that.”

Bellatrix exhaled, taking a moment to no doubt shove every shred of emotion she felt down inside of her so she didn’t outwardly show how that made her feel as, instead, she merely shrugged to downplay it. “Tit for fucking tat, or whatever— it’s fine. We’re fucking even now, _so…”_

“I know you and Narcissa seem to keep this fucked up, invisible _scoreboard,_ and while I’m not going to try to tell you how to have a relationship with _her —_ despite that being _deeply_ bloody unhealthy — I am gonna ask that we don’t do that; or at the very least, that you try not to keep tally,” Cassandra softly requested. “I know what you have with Cissa is really all you’ve known for… for a very long time, an’ that it’ll be hard to not instinctively react to me like you do with _her,_ but I can’t— I _can’t_ do that with you. I don’t wanna keep bouncin’ pain between us to make shit ‘even’ for this, that, an’ another thing. That sounds miserable.”

“It _is_ fucking miserable,” Bellatrix agreed, and she sounded so fucking _defeated_ by it that it broke Cassandra’s heart. “But it’s all we know, and we’re too bloody old to change. I’m not gonna promise I won’t be shitty to you too, because I’m not gonna make myself into a fucking liar—”

Cassandra shot her an exasperated look at that, untangling their hands. “Sounds like a cop out.”

Bellatrix’s expression set. “You know, you’re _real_ preachy for someone who’s also pretty shit when it comes to coping with crap like a normal fucking person…”

“I never claimed I was perfect,” Cassandra argued, because she _knew_ she was not. “But I just said I was willin’ to try to work on my shit; with the fuckin’ part of the problem that _I_ was to blame for in our relationship. Is it really so bloody unreasonable for me to ask you to do the same?”

Bellatrix didn’t say anything though. Her jaw tensed and she looked away, no doubt believing she really _couldn’t_ do what Cassandra was asking of her.

“I’m not expectin’ you to get it right the first time,” Cassandra continued softly, needing Bellatrix to know that she had room for error here. It would have been unreasonable if she did not, after all. “An’ I hope you aren’t expectin’ that of me either. I’m just… askin’ you to try. That’s all.” Cassandra’s tone got softer then, her heart fluttering in her chest from nerves as she tentatively requested, “For me, Bellatrix. Please try.”

Bellatrix pursed her lips as her gaze caught Cassandra’s once more. She searched her eyes for a moment before she reached up, gently cupping the back of the younger woman’s neck. “Fine,” she responded softly, her tone still a little defensive as Cassandra knew it would take the other woman a _long_ time to be able to express her emotions toward her without having just a tiny bit of a wall up. “For _you_ I’ll try.”

Cassandra’s chest swelled with emotion and she smiled, her tone a little teasing as she covered the hand that was on her neck with her own. “’Cause I’m your girlfriend now?”

Bellatrix shot her a look like they were _not_ doing that as she hurdled over that step in their relationship, since having it already established made it easier for her. “’Cause you’ve _been_ my girlfriend,” she corrected, and Cassandra gently smirked in response, allowing Bellatrix to have her way with it; in the end, if that made it easier for her, then so be it.

Bellatrix looked up at her for a long time, her own face unreadable as she tried to gauge Cassandra’s expression. She hadn’t moved her hand from off of her neck though, and the younger woman gently played with Bellatrix’s fingers as their gaze connected. The amount of uncertainty in the brunette’s eyes tugged at Cassandra’s heart, and the younger woman wasn’t surprised when Bellatrix’s next words were a request for clarification. “So we’re… we’re fucking _good_ now, right?” Bellatrix finally asked, needing to know if their argument was over, and while it _was_ , that didn’t mean that Cassandra could just instantly spring back to normal; she wasn’t a bloody rubber band.

“We’re better,” she corrected softly, and Bellatrix’s brow furrowed at the lack of specifics in that answer. Cassandra exhaled a small sigh, feeling a little guilty for her own emotions even though she knew she shouldn’t. “I can’t just… flip a switch. I appreciate an’ believe your apology, an’ I _do_ want to still be with ya, but… I dunno. Maybe it’s just my _bloody_ self-esteem issues; they’re always such shit an’ it fucks with damn near everythin’ in my life…”

Bellatrix looked exasperated. “I _told_ you I wasn’t trying to replace you—”

“But you did,” Cassandra softly reminded her, a part of her being a little thankful that Bellatrix already knew what she was talking about without explicitly being told. Bellatrix, honestly, did not give herself enough credit sometimes; she wasn’t _completely_ emotionally incompetent. “Maybe not on an emotional level, an’ I know that’s what _really_ matters, but you still very much _did—”_

Bellatrix let go of her, stepping away from the other woman in a huff. “Superficially, maybe, but— _Jesus,_ please don’t fucking tell me that Cissy was right…!”

Cassandra’s brow furrowed. “’Bout what?”

“About me fucking up the whole ‘Daddy’ thing!” Bellatrix exclaimed, and Cassandra didn’t respond. That was enough of an answer for Bellatrix though, who took one look at Cassandra’s sad expression and exhaled a frustrated breath as she stepped toward her, gently grasping the other woman by the sides of her neck to get her full attention. “I _told_ you. Jesus, Cassandra, I fucking _told_ you that it wasn’t like that…”

“I know. I _know._ But that doesn’t fix how it felt; just lemme work through my bullshit, Bellatrix; I can’t just— I don’t know _how_ to just turn it on and off like you and Cissa can. I’m _sorry_ …”

“Don’t— don’t fucking apologize to me; people who apologize for being sad are fucked,” Bellatrix told her, which was… _well._ Cassandra certainly _was_ fucked, to be honest, so perhaps that was objectively fair. The way Bellatrix said it though, it didn’t sound like she meant for that to be offensive. “I’ll fix it— alright? I’ll fucking fix it.”

Cassandra’s brow creased as she leaned forward to gently rest her forehead against Bellatrix’s. While she appreciated how badly Bellatrix wanted to rectify what she had done, it wasn’t that easy. “There isn’t a magical solution,” she told her, albeit apologetically. “Just gimme time. I know you just— I know ya wanted to get back at me ‘cause you thought I stopped carin’ and that made you upset, but… I just wish ya hadn’t used _that_ to do it. I know it’s _stupid,_ but that shit actually meant somethin’ to me. It mighta just been a kink to you, but to me it was special— it was _ours_ an’ then you… you _violated_ that…”

“If it was just a fucking kink to me I wouldn’t be trying this bloody hard to fix it!” Bellatrix reminded her, her fingers curling in Cassandra’s hair. “I fucked up, okay? And I very obviously regret it, which should fucking _say_ something to you because I don’t usually give enough of a fuck to care about the shitty outcomes of my decisions. I don’t know what the fuck else you want me to say; I don’t know what you want me _do._ Cassandra—” Bellatrix looked infinitely frustrated, as she knew she would never really have the right words. So instead she connected their lips in a searing kiss, her grip tight on the back of the younger woman’s neck as she tried to communicate in a different way.

Cassandra’s eyes fell closed as she allowed Bellatrix to back her up against the dresser, uneven breaths being exhaled against the older woman’s lips as she allowed Bellatrix to express herself in the only way she really knew how. In the end, this was probably the only way they were going to truly make up anyway— _especially_ after having to endure a separation that neither of them wanted. Bellatrix touched her like she _meant_ something and Cassandra felt like she was falling, her fingers fisting helplessly in the older woman’s dress as Bellatrix’s lips dragged along the curvature of her jaw.

“I missed you,” Cassandra breathed, unable to help herself as yet another Black sister carved a spot for themselves inside her heart. She could feel Bellatrix smile against her neck, the older woman’s grip possessive yet gentle as she cradled the side of Cassandra’s face in her palm and placed her lips against the younger woman’s ear.

“I’m right here, Kitten. I’ll always be right fucking here…”

It was an automatic response for her, and Bellatrix noticeably hesitated once she realized what she had said, as Cassandra had asked her not to call her that. Hearing the pet name didn’t hurt as it had before though; Cassandra believed Bellatrix when she said she hadn’t used it for another, and therefore it hadn’t lost its meaning. Her reciprocating with ‘Daddy’ might take a little while, as _that_ was something that felt as though it had been stolen for her, but for now… for now, after what had happened, Cassandra _needed_ to feel special, and Bellatrix calling her that achieved what she desired.

That, and the fact that the rest of Bellatrix’s words were… _much_ more romantic than Cassandra had been expecting, even with the other woman finally accepting and voicing her feelings for her. Back when Bellatrix was in prison and Narcissa was trying to come to terms with losing her, she used to talk about how _good_ her sister was with words, and how easily she was able to get caught up in them. It was something Cassandra was never able to really fathom as, quite frankly, Bellatrix wasn’t the most articulate person in the world. Still, while what the woman had said wasn’t exactly poetic or over the top by any means, there was still an intensity to Bellatrix’s words that resonated within Cassandra, as it not only felt passionate and protective, but _permanent._

It _meant_ something to her and Cassandra grasped for the woman against her, turning her head to connect their lips in another fierce kiss before practically pushing Bellatrix towards the bed. The older woman allowed the rough guidance, her fingernails lightly scraping against Cassandra’s skin as she began pulling off her dress, the fabric being pushed halfway down the redhead’s torso as Cassandra frantically climbed on top of her. Bellatrix’s lips found the underside of her jaw, her neck, as Cassandra looked up at the ceiling and exhaled a desperate whimper.

“Call me that again,” she breathlessly demanded as Bellatrix pulled so hard on her dress that it tore. Cassandra was so far from caring though as she fisted her hand in a mess of dark curls, keeping the older woman to her breast as Bellatrix’s lips framed one of her nipples. The brunette lightly bit down before allowing her tongue to snake out for a taste, her fingers digging into the curvature of the younger woman’s arse as she pulled Cassandra closer to her.

_“Kitten…_ Daddy’s perfect little pet,” Bellatrix breathed against her skin, the words feeling as though they were being etched into Cassandra’s heart as it beat faster within her chest. While a part of her wanted to remind Bellatrix that she still needed _time_ in regards to that, the other part completely did not fucking care in that moment _what_ Bellatrix called herself, because she had just called her ‘perfect’ and how that made Cassandra feel absolutely overshadowed everything else. Bellatrix kissed the underside of the younger woman’s jaw, her fingertips gently caressing the hollow of her throat. “Where’s your collar?”

Cassandra bit down on her bottom lip before she leaned to the side, stretching over to her bedside table drawer without having to get off of the other woman. She quickly got it out and held it out to Bellatrix in offering, who slid the fabric between her fingers before gently brushing Cassandra’s hair over one side of her neck, watching the deep red cascade over her freckled shoulder. “You’re fucking _beautiful,”_ Bellatrix breathed appreciatively as she fastened the collar around her lover’s neck, causing Cassandra’s eyes to soften as her heart clenched in her chest.

“So are you,” she whispered in return, her palm resting on the older woman’s cheek, her thumb gently dusking across Bellatrix’s bottom lip. The brunette allowed her lips to part before she took Cassandra’s thumb into her mouth, gently sucking on it before she turned her face and kissed the inside of her palm. Cassandra exhaled an uneven breath at that, overwhelmed with feelings as she leaned in, connecting their lips again before it was _her_ turn to try to undress Bellatrix.

But they were both in a shit position that did not allow for ease of nudity, and Cassandra got impatient as she finally just slid off of Bellatrix’s lap, her knees hitting the floor with a soft thunk. “Shit—” Bellatrix gasped as Cassandra wasted no time pushing up the woman’s dress, her teeth sinking into supple flesh. Cassandra’s fingers looped around the older woman’s knickers before pulling them straight from her body, her lips dragging up the curvature of the older woman’s thigh. Bellatrix immediately spread her legs, her fingers fisting in a mess of fire and desperation as Cassandra went at her as though she had been starved.

Bellatrix groaned, her head lulling back as her lips parted, her breathing coming out in uneven bursts as she held tight to Cassandra’s hair. The younger woman kissed her sex deeply, her tongue dragging from cunt to clit before taking the sensitive bundle of nerves between her teeth, pressing down just hard enough to make Bellatrix hiss in praise and dig her fingernails into her scalp. “Fuck, _yes—_ ” she exhaled as her hips pressed desperately against the younger woman’s mouth, her entire body flushing with need.

Cassandra worked one finger inside of her and then another, stretching her out as she twisted and pushed, pulling deep groans out of the woman above her. She looked up at Bellatrix with wide eyes, her lips stilled on the woman’s thigh after she had gently kissed her. Cassandra wanted to _watch_ her come undone, and Bellatrix seemed very into the idea of her lover watching her fall over the cliff she had brought her to, as she caught Cassandra’s gaze and did not waver from it. Her eyes were dark with lust, her lips still kiss-stung and plumped as her hardened nipple poked out over the edge of the dress that Cassandra had managed to pull down over only one of her breasts. She was a mess but Bellatrix was _always_ a mess, and truthfully, it was what made her very desirable.

Cassandra had spent so much of her life trying to chase after the right thing, the good and proper and _healthy_ thing that she was ‘supposed’ to want, and despite never finding any of those things in the end, she had still obsessed over wanting something better because that was what she was supposed to do, right? _Better_ herself? But Bellatrix was not ‘better’. She was amazing; she was beautiful and passionate and protective and _fierce,_ but she was not a good or healthy option for her, and yet that was okay. For the first time, Cassandra found peace in choosing something that she _wanted,_ without caring whether it was going to lead to her getting some actual hold on her life, because at this point she was rather resigned to the fact that she never would. She liked Bellatrix, she _loved_ Narcissa, but in truth, this, _them…_ they were a fucking mess, but a mess that Cassandra found she desperately needed, as it brought with her a sense of freedom she had never had before, and she felt like she could finally _breathe._

Because who gave a fuck, honestly, how her life looked? Cassandra was tired of trying to conform, as she had always been bloody _terrible_ at it anyway. She never dressed right, or acted right, or even _spoke_ right. Cassandra spent a disproportionate amount of her life wanting to fit in but never knowing how, so in the end she just pretended she never wanted to in the first place, as it was the only way she didn’t feel like a failure. But she _was_ a failure; Cassandra had fucked up in so many different ways— with her husband, with her child, even with _Narcissa_ as she had tried to be the good and healthy option for _her,_ only to prove to both of them that she was just as fucked up as she was. Thankfully Narcissa still loved her, but her husband did not. Her son _might_ not. And so as Cassandra drowned in her failures, she grasped onto the one thing that made going under seem far more appealing, finally understanding how Narcissa had fallen so far, yet loved the ride so much.

Bellatrix’s whole body tensed as she came, her teeth clenching as the muscle in her neck bulged under the strain. She was flushed and sweating, and Cassandra wiped her bottom lip with her thumb before she climbed up her body, sitting astride her lover once more. “Have I been good?” she breathed, allowing her lips to dusk across Bellatrix’s sharp cheekbone as she coaxed the praise she wished to hear from the woman beneath her. Cassandra could feel Bellatrix smirk, her hand already making its way under the redhead’s dress.

“You’ve never been anything but, Kitten,” she answered before connecting their lips in a searing kiss, her fingers easily slipping inside of her lover. Cassandra gasped against her mouth, the sound being swallowed by Bellatrix’s tongue as she made this big showing of pushing and curling her fingers inward at an agonizing pace. The woman at her mercy whined just as Bellatrix took her lower lip between her teeth and gently tugged on it, allowing it to snap back into place before devouring her mouth once more. Cassandra’s eyes fell closed as her body succumbed to the woman beneath her, feeling as though she was sinking into her as Bellatrix began to slowly and expertly pull pleasure from her body.

“… _God,_ ” Cassandra whispered to the ceiling, Bellatrix’s lips haven fallen to her neck. Her voice sounded faraway as she slowly rolled her hips against the other woman’s ministrations, and she could feel Bellatrix’s lips slide into a smirk as she placed her mouth against her ear, the words she etched across her skin causing Cassandra’s breathing to shallow and her hairs to stand on end.

“Tell me how you feel right now,” Bellatrix requested, no doubt just coaxing out praise of her own. Cassandra couldn’t blame her though, as they _both_ needed validation right now as they sought to repair what they had broken. Cassandra bit down on her bottom lip as she took a moment to focus on how she felt, wanting to give Bellatrix the honesty she deserved as she sorted through the multi-layered _mess_ that was herself and her own desires.

“Weightless,” Cassandra finally revealed, her voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes were still closed, and she could feel Bellatrix’s labored breaths against her skin as she got herself worked up again just by pleasuring her. “Free.”

Bellatrix’s fingers twisted deep inside of her, coaxing another desperate moan from the woman in her arms. Cassandra’s fingers curled around the brunette’s shoulder, her fingertips digging into her flesh as she pitched forward, resting her forehead against her lover’s. “What if I told you you could always feel this way…?” Bellatrix breathed against her lips, and Cassandra’s heart fluttered in her chest whilst her stomach twisted into a nervous knot.

Apparently, once Bellatrix barreled through the ‘relationship’ gate, there was just no fucking stopping her. And that was… God, it was good but it was _terrifying,_ because the way Bellatrix spoke to her now made Cassandra see how bloody easy it would be to fall in love with her one day, and that was just— it was about fifteen goddamn steps too far, and yet all Cassandra could do was whimper in response as Bellatrix’s thumb found her clit and her whispered declarations danced across her skin.

“Cissy and I are going to take care of you,” she promised, and Cassandra eyes welled up with tears at the sincerity in the other woman’s voice, her lips pursing and her heart beating quicker in her chest. Bellatrix touched her like she was something precious, something _worth_ something not only to herself, but to the woman _she_ loved as well, and it made Cassandra feel like perhaps she had really found where she belonged after all. “You’re _ours,_ Kitten; and I swear to you, you are never going to have to want for a damn thing in your life again, because we are going to give you _everything_ you have ever desired…”

God, God, _God…_ How was she _like_ this? How could the woman who could barely get out a fucking sentence sometimes without fourteen separate swear words have shit like _this_ inside of her? It was so simple and yet it was so goddamn _meaningful,_ and Cassandra found she could barely function she was feeling so much. So in lieu of words Cassandra grasped for the other woman’s face, connecting their lips in a fierce kiss as she poured out her gratitude, her desire, her _need_ for Bellatrix and everything she was offering. Cassandra was practically shaking as Bellatrix brought her not only to a physical precipice but an emotional one, and when she finally fell Cassandra shuddered and gasped, the whispered promise of, “—I’m yours,” falling from her lips as she grasped on to one half of what made her whole now.

Because as it turned out, there was more than one way to split something into pieces, and while the rest of the world might prefer it right down the middle, the more Cassandra fell into the Black sisters, the more she realized that dividing something into thirds might be the superior way of doing it after all, because she could no longer imagine feeling complete any other way.

**TBC…**


	6. VI.

**PART VI  
** [ Between Chapters 52 & 53 ]

* * *

Cassandra could remember the day she found out she was not pureblood as though it were yesterday. She had had her first kiss with a boy who lived down the road, and she had been so very excited to run home and tell her mother that she was a _woman_ now, as she was obviously having very adult feelings, despite being only twelve years old. Oliver was a year older than her, and he was patient and kind and glowed a vibrant indigo, a color that was so very different than the usual reds and oranges that surrounded Cassandra when she was around her Housemates at school. Cassandra had thought her mother would be pleased, as Oliver was a fit and proper boy, but Oliver was a Brocklehurst, and the Brocklehursts were _not_ pureblood.

_“What did I tell ya?”_ Móra had frantically exclaimed, looking panicked beyond all sane reasoning, but, then again, Cassandra’s mother hadn’t been sane for nearly a year now. She had always been curious about new areas of magic but had never really been any _good,_ and an accident had rattled her brain and affected her ability to control her emotions. Móra slapped her hand against the pureblood tapestry that hung on their parlor wall multiple times, each loud accent of her hand making Cassandra jump a bit, as she hadn’t expected her mother’s reaction to be this _negative._ “Only them— _only_ them; please… _please,_ my little fae, they have control, they have _everything—_ your life, your _children’s_ lives will be better for it, just do as I say…!”

“He’s _half_ though _;_ s’not like I kissed a mudblood!” Cassandra had tried to defend, as she knew better than to do _that._ But halfbloods were everywhere now; pureblooded families were dying out, and her mother had even _told_ her there was nothing wrong with halfbloods, as they inherited their magic from a legitimate place instead of _stealing_ it like everyone assumed the mudbloods did, but that they just could not be her destiny in the end. But that was _okay,_ because Cassandra was twelve, and she wasn’t worried about destiny just yet. “I’m not gonna _marry_ ‘im, Mum, I just—”

“Just ‘cause you don’t plan to marry him, doesn’t mean ya can’t make a mistake like I did!” Móra had sputtered out, upset and regret etching in the lines of her expression. “Accidents _happen—_ ya might think it’s harmless, but one kiss when you’re young can lead to doin’ _more_ when you’re not, an’ then suddenly you’re pregnant with a kid that’ll already have disadvantages in this world just ‘cause ya followed your heart instead o’ your head, an’ you’ll _hate_ yourself, Cassie— you’ll look at her every bloody day and _hate_ yourself for what you’ve done, ‘cause ya know you ruined her life, ruined her _chances_ …! No, no, no, no…” Because Móra had heard herself then, had recognized yet another one of her mistakes as she begged her daughter to her understand. “Oh, I didn’t mean that, pumpkin’; I’m sorry— my head; m’not thinkin’, I’m sorry… I think I’m just confused again…”

Cassandra remembered not being able to breathe at her mother’s words, as while she knew her mother wasn’t quite right in the head anymore, she had always been _lucid._ She just tended to spiral; she would get caught up in one thing and hyper-fixate until it suffocated her, which to be honest was why now, as a nearly forty year old woman, Cassandra was able to understand and deal with Narcissa, who tended to fall apart the same as her Mum, yet at least was able to keep control over her mouth for the most part. Móra didn’t have that luxury though— what she thought was what she said, which only got worse as she got older if she kept herself accountable by taking her meds. Back then though, Móra hadn’t understood what was happening to her, and did not understand why she was unable to hide that big of a secret any longer, when _protecting_ Cassandra from the truth was the only thing she had ever wanted to do, as perhaps if she didn’t know, if _nobody_ knew the truth of Cassandra’s lineage, then the girl could get by well enough in life on a lie.

And she was right, to a degree. Even after knowing the truth about her father, Cassandra went right back to hiding it the same as her mother, and her station in life _did_ improve because of it. She was able to marry up, which seemed like a dream come true to her mother, who at that point had to be heavily medicated in order to control herself, as her mental state had continued to decline over the years, and Móra was so deathly afraid she would slip and say something to the wrong person and ruin her daughter’s life even more. Her mother always had impulse control issues though; she would want something so _badly_ for herself, or for Cassandra, for their _life_ together and yet still have such a hard time seeing it through, as she would get caught up in things that _felt_ good. In the end, that was no doubt the reason she had ended up pregnant with a halfblood’s baby, as Cassandra’s father had made her mother _feel_ good, and the man she was betrothed to did not. Móra had loved Cassandra’s father, but she had also _loved_ love— she loved loving someone, she loved _being_ loved, and sometimes she made questionable decisions because of it.

Much like someone _else_ Cassandra knew, now that she thought of it.

Cassandra was a lot less forgiving about that as a child though, as she watched her mother say one thing and yet do another, and Cassandra, who was thirteen years old at the time, blew _up_ one day when she had woken up one morning over Christmas leave and came downstairs to see Móra kissing her halfblood Healer— who was a _woman,_ no less.

Well, perhaps _her_ Healer was a bit of a stretch— Amelia Hornby was a Healer, yes, but she was first and foremost their neighbor. She wasn’t helping Móra in any official capacity, as it wasn’t as though she was _hired_ or anything, but after Móra had gone to St. Mungo’s to finally try to get medicated for what the accident had done to her head, Amelia had started coming over a little more often than normal, claiming that she just wished to help, as she and Móra had been friends for a few years now.

Apparently it had been more than _that_ though.

“I can’t kiss a halfblood boy, but you can kiss that mutt of a _woman?!”_ Cassandra had screamed at her mother after Móra had hastily asked Amelia to leave, as she could see her daughter was _not_ happy. “Bein’ a dyke is _worse,_ they say, an’ you just—!”

“Cassandra May Burke, don’t ya _dare_ use those bleedin’ words!” Móra had snapped at her daughter in response, horrified by the slurs coming out of her mouth when it was _she_ who had worked so bloody hard to socialize her daughter with the very people who used them. Not that it _worked,_ really— Cassandra was still looked down upon by the vast majority because she was _strange,_ because she was a _Burke,_ but at least some pureblood boys paid attention to her now so long as she just let them stick there cocks wherever they wanted in her; sometimes multiple places at once, if there was more than one of them, ‘cause apparently it was ‘more fun’ that way. Cassandra had yet to have _fun_ doing it, but maybe that was just another reason why she was strange, ‘cause she was supposed to enjoy sex, wasn’t she?

Truthfully, most days Cassandra wanted to tear her skin off, yet she knew she was just as dirty beneath the surface as she was on the outside, and it was making her _angry._ Except that she couldn’t _be_ angry, not at school, not around other people, because nobody really liked her and she wanted to be _liked_ ‘cause she felt so very alone and useless _,_ and so Cassandra had always made a point to disassociate with her traumatic reality in order to be happy around others, as perhaps that would overshadow how horrible she felt beneath. But not at home— no, at home she was safe to be herself, and that was why she was yelling and crying and _screaming_ at her mum, because why was she always making _her_ follow rules that Móra herself couldn’t even adhere too? It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t—

“Because I want ya to be _better_ than me!” Móra exclaimed desperately, because she did, truly, want the best for Cassandra, she just had no idea how to lead by example. All Móra knew was that her life was something she did not want for her daughter, as she felt as though she couldn’t control it no matter how hard she tried. “M’sorry, Cassie, but I’m already a lost cause— no husband, no reputation; I gotta hide Amelia anyway ‘cause she’s a woman, so what if she’s halfblood on top of it? Doesn’t make a difference, doesn’t _change_ what I need to do— I’m sad, my darling fae. I am so, so sad, an’ _lonely_ an’… she makes me _feel_ good. I’m sorry, you’re right; m’always tellin’ ya one thing an’ then doin’ another. I dunno why I’m like this. Was like this even _before_ my head turned against me. I dunno; maybe it’s always been against me— tellin’ me to do one thing, yet unable to bloody keep me from doin’ another. I wish I knew why.”

Móra had looked at her daughter sadly after that, and Cassandra could remember hating how truly torn apart the woman seemed about being a terrible role model for her, because while Cassandra knew, she _knew_ that her mother loved her, it was just _hard_ not to be angry when she felt like instead of Móra giving her all of these opportunities that she herself never had, that all she was doing was managing to trap Cassandra in a life that wasn’t giving her any happiness at all. But she couldn’t say that, she couldn’t _tell_ her, because Cassandra knew it would break her mother’s heart to feel like she had failed her daughter when she had been trying so hard to raise her in a way she believed would be most beneficial to her.

_I’m sad too, Mum,_ Cassandra had responded in her head, wishing she had the courage to say the words out loud, but knowing she could never devastate her mother like that. _I’m lonely too. I wish someone saw me; I wish someone cared._

“My childhood was not _good,_ my darling,” Móra had continued softly, needing Cassandra to understand why she pushed so hard for her to go in a different direction, and Cassandra could not bring herself to tell her mother that hers was not good _either._ “Your grandparents made our surname somethin’ that was spat on, an’ people were… they were _cruel._ I know I haven’t done much either for our family name — bein’ an unwed mother an’ all — but at least we seem to be more or less ignored now. Believe me, Cassie, s’better to not be looked at at all, than to be the only thing people see when they’re lookin’ for somethin’ with no value to them to break.”

Cassandra wished she hadn’t already learned that lesson the hard way.

_They like me, they think I’m fit,_ she would tell _toy—_ herself, even though she would hear the boys laughing and high-fiving afterward. She was a game, she was Cassandra was barely even a person to them, but at least they looked _at_ her instead of looking _through_ her. That’s what she had wanted, wasn’t it? She had _thought_ that was what she wanted, but the longer it went on, the more Cassandra wondered if her mother’s words were really true, and that it would have been better if those boys had never seen her at all.

As it turned out, Amelia was not a bad person. She made her mother smile, which was _good_ but it made Cassandra jealous, as maybe Oliver could have made her smile her too, if only Móra would have let her see him again. She was halfblood _too,_ so why couldn’t she just be with her own kind? It didn’t seem fair but, then again, not much did anymore.

Cassandra didn’t understand how something as simple as _blood_ could separate people, and it was purely out of miserable curiosity and the desperate desire to _understand_ that had made Cassandra cut into herself that first time, just wanting to _see_ what was so tainted about what lied beneath her skin. Her blood was red though; a brilliant, vibrant red that wasn’t at all like the darkened sludge she felt she must be carrying around, if it was something that horrified people that badly. Perhaps that was why it was dangerous though, because it looked the same as everyone else's yet was not. Cassandra went back and forth between being fascinated by its importance to people and disgusted by the very idea of it, and more often than not it wasn’t about the pain she wished to cause herself for being so unhappy, but the desire to understand why something so bloody simple defined who she _was._ Either way though, tearing into herself became a horrible coping mechanism for Cassandra that lasted well into her early twenties until it finally tapered off rather naturally as she picked up other shitty ways to cope with her problems that at least did not involve having to heal herself with magic afterward.

So no, she hadn’t transcended all the bullshit like Bellatrix had accused her of after Cassandra had witnessed her doing something similar, but it was easier to see how terrible it was from an outside perspective. Objectively, Cassandra knew that hurting herself didn’t solve anything, it didn’t make it _better—_ but it gave her a sense of control over her own misery, which while terrible, truly did help more than allowing others to be the ones who wielded the knife as Cassandra began to disconnect from her feelings completely, finding that to be a better solution than the alternative.

Because she had decided she no longer _cared_ at that point, what others thought of her. Cassandra was an adult, albeit it only _barely,_ and it no longer mattered that her best friend really only kept her around so she could have her arse kissed. It no longer mattered that her best friend’s _sister_ was horrible and cruel to her, nor that the rest of the elitists like Margret and her cunty arse always had something to say about her, because she had found a man who _loved_ her, who she believed she could trust more than anyone, and that had to be worth everything else.

“I’m so happy for you, my little fae,” Móra had told her daughter, gently reaching out to brush the hair from Cassandra’s eyes. Her mother lay on a bed at St. Mungo’s, as she had believed she had been getting _better_ and therefore stopped talking her medication, which in the end only made everything worse. Cassandra had hated that she had to tell her mother she was _engaged_ while she was in that place, but she also didn’t know how long the Healers were going to require her to stay there either.

Cassandra smiled, and for once it was genuine. She looked down at her left hand, allowing the diamond to catch the sterile, almost _too_ white light above her. It didn’t look nearly as pretty as when it caught the sun. “I really love ‘im, Mum. Think he might really be ‘the one’, y’know? I mean, I never really believed in the whole destiny an’ soulmate rubbish, but—”

“Never believed that _rubbish,”_ Móra repeated with a small scoff, eying her daughter like she knew better than that. “Darling, you used to hang on my every word when you were younger, an’ I _told_ ya, didn’t I? I _told_ ya you would meet your soulmate at school, that they’d be older…”

“Ya _also_ said my soulmate would be a Sagittarius, Mum— Peter’s a Capricorn,” Cassandra told her patiently as, truthfully, the only reason she really _hung_ on her mother’s words back then was ‘cause she loved spending time with her, no matter what they were doing, and that… even if Cassandra didn’t necessarily _believe_ it, Móra’s predictions about her life made her feel better. They made her feel _hopeful,_ because her mother was so very certain that one day, Cassandra was going to find true happiness, and have everything that she ever wanted.

And that was a _nice_ thing to hold on to when you felt like you had nothing.

Móra’s brow had furrowed, a little taken aback that she seemed to have missed the mark in that regard. “When’s his birthday?”

“The twenty second,” Cassandra answered. “December—”

“Ah, a _cusp—_ that can be tricky, no wonder I was off. But it’s o’ no matter; ya don’t need to read tea leaves or look into a crystal ball to know that man’s meant for ya, Cassie; if ya know it in your heart, then ya know it to be true,” Móra assured her, reaching out to cover her daughter’s hand with her own. “Look at you— marryin’ a pureblood, socializing with a family like the _Blacks,_ bein’ invited to parties an’ bein’ looked at like you’re somebody _…_ tell me, darling, tell me… are you happy?”

Cassandra had given her mother a reassuring smile, as at the time, she truly believed that she was the happiest she ever could be. “Of course, Mum. Ya did the right thing; know I wouldn’t have had this life if you hadn’t raised me how ya did. Don’t worry, yeah?” Because Cassandra _knew_ her mother worried all the time that she may not have made the right choices in regards to raising her daughter, especially as she had started to realize a few years back that the knowledge of the truth had severely impacted Cassandra’s sense of self-worth. It was why Móra had become _obsessed_ with Divination, and trying to read her daughter’s future so she would know that Cassandra would turn out okay. It was also why her mental health began to decline when she would see that her daughter’s path in life wouldn’t be this paved, golden road that Móra assumed purebloods— _respected_ purebloods, unlike herself, had.

Cassandra pretended for her sake that it _was_ though, regardless of her divination readings. That was why Cassandra never told her mother that she was honest with Peter after their son had been born about who she really was, as that was the first time her husband was ever _cruel_ to her, and Cassandra knew it would break her mother’s heart if she knew she didn’t end up with the fairytale romance she wanted after all.

Peter said that she had tricked him though, that she had _used_ him so that she could get married to someone better than her in order to claw her way out of the muck her mother had birthed her in, and Cassandra cried and begged for him not to leave her because she hadn’t realized, she hadn’t _known_ that something like that would still be a big deal to someone who said they loved her, only for Peter to turn around the very next day and say that he was wrong, that he was _sorry,_ and that he shouldn’t have reacted that way. It gave Cassandra such terrible whiplash but as she was so thankful that he hadn’t left her and Gregory alone, she forgave him for the horrible things he had said, not realizing at the time that Peter would bring up her impurities during every argument they would have thereafter, making Cassandra feel like less than human before Peter would _apologize,_ tell her that he _loved_ her, and the cycle would repeat all over again.

It was a better relationship than she had ever had before though, as even though sometimes Peter said cruel things or used her body for his own benefit even when she was tired or didn’t really feel like it, he did, he _did_ love her. He told Cassandra she was beautiful every night before they fell asleep and every morning when they awoke, he bought her presents and gave her everything she ever wanted; at the end of the day, Peter had given her a _son,_ he gave her a life that was so much better than her old one that it didn’t _matter_ that she was unhappy sometimes, because the good times far outweighed the bad that were barely… they were _barely_ something of note, as they happened so infrequently it was just easier for Cassandra to pretend they didn’t happen at all.

But then Narcissa no longer just looked at her, but finally _saw_ her, felt her, fucking _wanted_ her, and Cassandra realized that maybe she had a more stable relationship in her life after all. It wasn’t though; it was back and forth and all over the bloody place, but at least Narcissa had never purposely made her feel bad about herself. At least she didn’t tear her apart and then kiss her and inform her that she had made it all better, and that everything was fine now.

But… then again, Narcissa didn’t actually _know_ who she was back then, and for a long time Cassandra was convinced that if she did, that Narcissa would treat her the exact same way as Peter, and that was why her mother had warned her not to tell anyone. In the end though, that couldn’t have been further from the truth. Narcissa still looked at her like she loved her; she told her that her tainted blood did not strip away her value as a person like Cassandra had always believed, nor that it made her _less_ than her. Narcissa still regarded her as an equal, yet there was still this _awful_ voice in the back of Cassandra’s head that always amended that with, “For now,” because who knew what kind of things Narcissa could say to her the next time they argued.

No— she couldn’t think like that. She couldn’t be that bloody pessimistic, because she already had enough to worry about in that regard, and _not_ from Narcissa. Not that Cassandra planned to _tell_ Bellatrix the truth, as Narcissa had made it very clear that the woman would not take it well, but she was still so very afraid that Peter would, regardless of Narcissa trying to convince him that Bellatrix already knew just as _she_ did, and yet did not care. It was one hell of a lie that did not align at _all_ with Bellatrix’s personality and the beliefs she was very vocal about having, but Narcissa had also threatened Peter by telling him that Bellatrix would set him on fucking _fire_ and, well, that was a rather terrifying prospect that might have given the man pause— at least momentarily. Still, that did not guarantee that he wouldn’t reassess the situation in a few days or weeks or _whatever, and_ realize Narcissa was full of shit and that Bellatrix didn’t actually know the truth at all, and that… _that_ frightened Cassandra more than anything, because she didn’t want to lose someone she had very much come to care for.

Bellatrix could tell she was still upset about the previous night’s events, but she did not push her to talk about it thankfully, although no doubt _only_ because the woman was terrible when it came to empathy, and her only “solution” to the problem would be to kill Peter for her so that she wouldn’t have to worry about it any longer, and Cassandra couldn’t… she _couldn’t_ just snap her fingers and have the death of someone she used to love on her hands, no matter what Peter had done. He might be cruel sometimes, but he was only that way because she had hurt him by leaving, by falling in love with someone else, and he didn’t deserve to die for it. He could have been worse. He could have been a _lot_ worse…

And Cassandra _knew_ how that sounded, but it wasn’t like she had some kind of victim complex or anything; she wasn’t _rationalizing_ his behavior, she just had the explanations for it, and found that it would be worse to disregard Peter’s feelings on the matter. So that was… that was _different…_ wasn’t it?

Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe she _was_ a victim. God, Cassandra didn’t know anymore. She felt so utterly lost, and defeated, and _scared_ of everything in her life changing as she lay between Bellatrix’s legs on the sisters’ king-sized mattress, practically curled into a ball as Bellatrix lay a protective hand over her crown. Neither of them had spoken for a long time, as Cassandra needed the comfort of the woman’s closeness and Bellatrix wasn’t that great at _words_ anyway. Still, it seemed there was only so much silence that Bellatrix could take, as eventually the woman felt the need to break it with seemingly the first thought that had come to her head.

“Fifty galleons that Lucius loses his shit,” Bellatrix bet, referring to the fact that Narcissa had left a little while ago to tell her husband that she was planning to give Draco Bellatrix’s house for his seventeenth birthday, no doubt in some warped way of trying to bribe him back into her life. For Narcissa’s sake, Cassandra hoped that it worked for her. And while that was a _good_ opportunity for their child to get ahead in life _,_ Bellatrix seemed to think that Lucius was going to be pissed off because that meant that he would never be rid of his sister-in-law, as Bellatrix would be living with them permanently if they did that.

“I’ll take that bet,” Cassandra said softly, welcoming the distraction from her plaguing thoughts as her stupid, horrible brain kept _reminding_ her that Bellatrix would never touch her like this if she knew the truth about her, which only made Cassandra want to hold on to the other woman tighter as she practically cut off the goddamn circulation in Bellatrix’s thigh. Thankfully, she didn’t bitch about it, but Cassandra knew she had to get a hold of herself before Bellatrix realized she was angsting over _her,_ and not just the situation with her husband.

“You an’ Cissa have been ‘out’ to him for a long time now— think he knew the second ya broke out of prison that you ain’t ever leavin’ her,” Cassandra explained, as she really didn’t think Lucius was going to react the way Bellatrix thought he would. “Which means he’s already processed and accepted the possibility of sharing his house with you permanently. You know who _will_ lose his shit over this though? _Your_ husband.”

“Fuck Rodolphus,” Bellatrix spat, her fingers absentmindedly curling in the younger woman’s hair. “He can live in a gutter for all I care. He’ll be lucky if I don’t slaughter him the second we win this war, and the Dark Lord no longer has any need of him. The last thing he should be bloody worrying about is a _house.”_

Bellatrix exhaled a long, frustrated breath before she glanced down at the woman in her arms, her tone changing to something that sounded far less aggressive as she ran her hands down Cassandra’s arms, noticing the dark look that had passed over the redhead’s expression as her negative thoughts got the best of her again. Suddenly, it was like Cassandra couldn’t stop them, when she used to be so good at ignoring reality in order to save her sanity.

“You don’t have to worry about a house either, you know,” Bellatrix mentioned _much_ too casually, at least managing to pull Cassandra from her plaguing thoughts. “I mean, I _know_ Cissy already told you you could stay here ‘cause your divorce or… _whatever_ is probably going to be an utter shit show, but… I don’t mean just during that, so more than just…” The brunette sighed, frustrated with her inability to vocalize things. Bellatrix rolled her eyes at herself before rubbing them, looking exhausted. “Whatever, fuck it— you know what I mean.”

Cassandra’s heart sped up at the other woman’s words, a tight emotion making camp in the center of her chest as she read through the lines of Bellatrix’s disjointed sentences. “Are you askin’ me to live with you?” Cassandra asked softly, wishing she didn’t sound like she was about to _cry_ over that, but God, she was just so fucking raw emotionally lately, and _Bellatrix_ asking her was… it was so much bloody more than Cassandra had expected, and more than she even deserved considering she was actively _lying_ to her, and had to keep lying to her in order to even to have a relationship with her in the first place.

Peter was right to be furious about withholding her blood status for so long— Bellatrix would be too if she ever found out, and yet there Cassandra was, luring yet _another_ person into a relationship with her under false pretenses. Why didn’t she ever learn? But once again she had fucked up, she had caught feelings and gotten _attached,_ and it was far too late to be honest about it because Cassandra knew she could not take another broken heart. As horrible as she felt about the whole thing, Cassandra was still not willing to risk her relationship with Bellatrix over the truth, and considering she had Narcissa’s blessing to _lie,_ Cassandra knew she would not be changing her stance on that any time soon, no matter how guilty she felt doing it.

Bellatrix seemed to immediately regret what she said though and exhaled a frustrated breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. “ _No,_ fuck— I mean, you’re already here so it’s _not_ that big of a deal if you just like, _never_ went the fuck home, but I’m not _asking,_ okay? Forget that I said anything—” Bellatrix requested, immediately giving Cassandra emotional whiplash. Then again, she wasn’t sure why she expected anything different; Bellatrix was _usually_ like this— toeing the water before bolting away again, as her and emotions didn’t seem to mix very well until she was comfortable enough in a relationship where she didn’t have to second guess everything.

Bellatrix being hesitant was endearing but it was also incredibly _frustrating_ at times, and Cassandra was about to request that she _please stop confusing her_ with her immediate back and forths, as she was obviously _not_ in the frame of mind to deal with that right now, but as it turned out, the woman’s inability to commit to her emotions was actually _not_ the reason Bellatrix backed off this time as she continued, “Cissy will fucking flay me alive for stealing a romantic gesture out from under her that she’s probably already _foaming_ at the bloody mouth over planning to do.” Bellatrix shook her head, looking exasperated; although whether it was with herself or with Narcissa, Cassandra wasn’t sure. “You just… you looked fucking miserable, and shit just fell out of my mouth because I’m tired. I don’t know. Cissy had me up half the fucking night which believe me, I am _not_ complaining about, but some of us can’t function on three hours of sleep, _so.”_

_Oh._ So it was _Narcissa_ who actually planned to ask her that? That made far more sense, given where Cassandra was with her relationship with Narcissa and where she was with her relationship with Bellatrix, although quite frankly, Cassandra was glad that Bellatrix had said something, as if _Narcissa_ had been the one to ask her, Cassandra would have feared that accepting would have been overstepping where Bellatrix was concerned, as she lived there permanently now too.

Thankfully, Bellatrix did not see it as a big deal as, like she had said, she was living there already _anyway,_ but if this had been a normal relationship, Cassandra knew that moving in would be a _big step_ that she was sure would terrify not just Bellatrix, but _herself_ as well. Their relationship was far from _normal_ though, and the seriousness of each of their respective relationships with Narcissa seemed to allow for some lines to blur faster between them than others. She and Bellatrix might be dating now but they still weren’t _serious_ in an emotional capacity just yet — as it wasn’t like they were in love or anything — but even so, from an outside perspective it could look like they were rather serious just because they were with _Narcissa,_ and that dynamic tended to spill into their respective relationships with one another as well as they were no longer trying to just be separate couples anymore, but an equal unit of three.

Still, Cassandra was well-aware that until their emotional relationships with one another began to mirror the others they shared within their throuple, _equality_ would be hard to come by. That was okay though; for now, it was nice having some things shared between the three of them, and some shared between them and their respective lovers individually.

Cassandra found Bellatrix’s hand, lightly pressing their palms together before weaving their fingers and bringing their clasped hands to her chest, wanting her to know that she appreciated the gesture, even if she hadn’t meant to ask herself. “If you’re tired, you should sleep,” she said instead, allowing Bellatrix’s request that she forget that she had asked, for Narcissa’s sake.

“No.” Cassandra looked up at her with a perplexed expression, as the way Bellatrix said that made it seem like such an unfathomable option. Bellatrix glanced down at her before shrugging. “I will when Cissy comes back,” she amended, which softened Cassandra’s heart as she realized Bellatrix did not want to leave her alone.

“I’m okay, y’know. I appreciate what you’re doin’, but ya don’t gotta cater to me. Peter’s _my_ husband; I can deal with the emotional fallout of our bullshit.” Cassandra gently ran her thumb across the outside of the brunette’s forefinger as she held tight to her hand, wishing she didn’t feel so goddamn _guilty_ about her own bloody girlfriend wanting to make her feel better. She did though— everything about Bellatrix, about their relationship, made Cassandra feel _guilty_ now that her secret was out to yet another person, and she couldn’t actively ignore it. Cassandra’s voice was soft as she tried to let Bellatrix off the hook, “I don’t want to bother you with it.”

“You’re not fucking _bothering_ me,” Bellatrix answered, looking _offended_ that Cassandra would think so. “What, do you think I’m not used to women being upset? Cissy’s a goddamn volcano of emotions compared to you— have a full out bloody _breakdown_ if you want; still won’t touch the bullshit I’ve had to deal with and you know it, considering I’m _sure_ I’m not the only one she freaks out to. You’re just bloody laying here like a depressed lump— I don’t know what kind of effort you think I’m _expending_ here by just being fucking present while you deal with your bullshit, but let me assure you, it’s not anything I can’t handle, _thanks.”_

It certainly was interesting how something so _aggressive_ could make Cassandra feel so good. Bellatrix was just very in-your-face about everything though, including how much she apparently gave a shit, and while it was a bit jarring at first, Cassandra had come to find it rather endearing and she smiled, getting emotional again as her eyes welled up with tears. God, she needed, she _needed_ to stop feeling badly over this— she wasn’t a bad fucking person for being halfblood, right? She wasn’t _hurting_ Bellatrix by not telling her, and the fact that she felt like she _was_ was going to cause a problem in the very relationship she was trying so bloody hard to have _by_ lying in the goddamn first place.

Cassandra inhaled an unsteady breath as she leaned further against the brunette’s chest, requesting, “Distract me then,” as she placed their linked hands back against her stomach.

“Sex?”

Cassandra looked a little amused at _that_ always being the first thing Bellatrix thought of, but she also knew she wasn’t in the right frame of mind for it. She was _far_ too emotional, and she’d probably just end up crying all over Bellatrix, which would no doubt make things _awkward,_ and that was the last thing Cassandra wanted. “Talking,” she clarified, hearing Bellatrix follow that up with a soft snort from behind her.

“Boring, but whatever you want.”

Despite herself, Cassandra smirked a little bit at that answer. “ _Careful,”_ she gently teased, a little desperate to lighten the mood, as she didn’t want to just be this black hole of depression despite feeling a bit like she was getting sucked into a vortex she couldn’t pull herself out of. “Ya know I got a kink for bein’ spoiled, an’ _whatever I want_ is an open invitation.”

Bellatrix placed her lips against the younger woman’s ear then, her arms tightening around Cassandra’s form as she reminded her, “I already told you that you’ll never want for anything again, Kitten— I fucking meant it. Do you believe me?”

Cassandra’s heart sped up beneath her ribcage and she nodded, as between Bellatrix’s desire to spoil her like some kind of cherished pet, and Narcissa’s desire to take care of her in any way that she was able — emotionally, financially, _whatever —_ Cassandra knew she would always have security and happiness between both of her lovers. She just hoped she would be able to give them the things that they wanted in return as well, and Cassandra looked back and up at the woman she was leaning against as her grip tightened on Bellatrix’s hand.

“An’ what do _you_ want?” she asked softly, needing to know where she fit in the picture of Bellatrix’s life. “From me, I mean. From our relationship.”

Bellatrix looked a little taken aback by that question. “What do you mean?”

“I mean exactly what I asked— have you never thought about it?” Cassandra asked curiously, as Bellatrix looked a bit like a deer in headlights as her brain tried to process the question. Apparently she really _hadn’t._

“I’ll give ya a minute,” Cassandra told her, as she knew the question was pretty heavy. “But _that’s_ what I want right now; regret that open invitation now?” she gently teased, even though she was entirely serious, as she knew Bellatrix wasn’t great at this kind of stuff and probably very much _was_ regretting it. Still, Cassandra and Narcissa often talked about their relationship, and as such, she planned to do the same with Bellatrix.

“Regret’s a strong word— more fucking annoyed for not realizing how easily you could turn this into some emotional bullshit.”

“You’re so romantic— emotional _bullshit;_ it’s like a poem,” Cassandra responded sardonically, causing Bellatrix to roll her eyes before she exhaled a long sigh, slumping forwards into Cassandra’s back a little as she allowed her arms to drape over the younger woman’s shoulders.

“Fine. I don’t know— I want to be able to fucking experience shit I never was able to with Cissy, or even with _Gwen_ ‘cause she was too bloody afraid of what her husband would do if he found out,” Bellatrix responded, beginning to find her truth. “Once the Dark Lord takes over the Ministry completely, once I’m able to leave this bloody house, I want to be _out._ I’m tired of living in a fucking closet, ‘cause I don’t give a _shit_ what other people think of me, and I know you don’t either once we deal with that useless husband of yours.” She swallowed hard, getting a little emotional over it as she no doubt still feared that, despite what Cassandra had promised her the other night, she still wouldn’t want to be out with _her_ because she was already out with _Narcissa._

“Okay,” Cassandra softly agreed, as that was something she was willing to do, despite Bellatrix’s very obvious fear. As long as Bellatrix realized she needed to fully separate herself from Peter first, then she was okay with being ‘out’ with her as well as Narcissa, because Bellatrix was right— she _didn’t_ care what random people thought about her anymore. She had grown out of that horrible subset of her self-esteem issues years ago, thankfully. “Dinner?”

“ _Ridiculously_ fucking boring, but yes,” Bellatrix answered, making Cassandra chuckle softly. She figured though; even though _dinner_ wasn’t exactly Bellatrix’s speed, she seemed caught up in wanting to experience something normal, and a dinner date was the most sinfully _normal_ thing they could do.

“Oh, believe me, it won’t be _boring_ when we horrify everyone in our immediate vicinity by being blatant fuckin’ lesbians with one another,” Cassandra assured her, and Bellatrix pressed her lips against the side of her head, allowing the younger woman to feel them spread out into a devious grin.

“I mean, they’ll probably be horrified by my presence _anyway_ because I’m a convicted Death Eater, but I like the way you think, Kitten.”

The corners of Cassandra’s mouth turned up into a smile of her own as she allowed herself to feel _excited_ about doing something new with Bellatrix, forgetting for a moment all the terrible shit that was dangling above her head. Cassandra squirmed happily in the other woman’s lap while she reached behind her, teasingly running her forefinger beneath the older woman’s chin as she slipped into their dynamic without much thought, despite that fact that it had been nearly a week since the term of address Bellatrix had loved so much had fallen from Cassandra’s lips. But it was natural, truthfully— and in the end, as hurt as Cassandra had been about Jade, it wasn’t like she wasn’t doing something that could negatively affect their relationship either.

Cassandra just wanted to be happy. She wanted to be happy with _her,_ and this was the kind of thing that made her feel special and adored and all those things that her disastrously low self-esteem craved, _especially_ now.

“I want to dress up, Daddy— I want to wear somethin’ fancy an’ be decked out in _diamonds_ ,” Cassandra told her passionately, feeling Bellatrix’s breathing shallow from hearing her pet name again. Cassandra bit down on her bottom lip momentarily, knowing exactly what she was doing to the other woman as she continued, “I want us to look like bloody fuckin’ royalty; full of sodding class even though we both know we’re just filthy sluts beneath all the bullshit. Mmm—” Cassandra arched her back into Bellatrix as the woman teasingly dragged her teeth beneath the younger woman’s ear, her breathing beginning to labor as she got into the fantasy Cassandra was feeding her. “You’d look _sexy_ in a nice pantsuit, Daddy; a little bulge in your crotch from wearin’ the dick, ‘cause you _know_ I’d be deep throatin’ it later— maybe at that sex club ya want to go so badly, if you wanna show a bunch of strangers how well I’ll pay you back for spoilin’ me.”

“…You’d seriously let me fuck you in front of random people?” Bellatrix asked as she stilled her lips against the younger woman’s neck, sounding excited yet ultimately suspicious that maybe Cassandra was just telling her a nice _story_ and not mapping out an actual game plan. Cassandra was well-aware that if Bellatrix wanted to go to a sex club though (and had _already_ once before with Narcissa a million years ago, even though that apparently did not turn out the way she had hoped), that she clearly had a fetish for either exhibitionism or voyeurism and, going by the woman’s personality, Cassandra assumed (correctly, apparently) that it was the former.

And, well… it wasn’t like Cassandra was _against_ it. Honestly, the thought sounded a bit exciting, and she was always open to trying new things. Besides, she wasn’t _shy_ about her body by any means; if nothing else, Cassandra knew she was fit as fuck. What lied on the _inside_ might be a right mess, but at least the package her utter disaster came in was pretty.

“Why not? If we see anyone we _know_ then we have dirt on them as well, an’ other people these days seem much more into their reputation than we are, if we’re already plannin’ to prance ‘round some fancy fuckin’ restaurant bein’ blatantly huge dykes,” Cassandra answered with a small shrug, causing the corners of Bellatrix’s lips to turn into a small smirk at the way she worded that. The brunette placed a gentle kiss at the base of Cassandra’s neck then, and the younger woman closed her eyes and leaned back into Bellatrix as she continued, “In the end, we’re just two consenting adults doin’ what adults like to _consent_ to do, in a place where that type of shit is _for—_ so screw it, honestly. It sounds like fun, an’ I think I’d really be into strangers watchin’ ya plow me. Pureblood expectations are too fuckin’ _rigid_ an’ shit, an’ I’m just—”

But Cassandra cut herself off, realizing she was just so goddamn automatic with this bullshit; acting like she _was_ one of them. She knew she still had to be for the sake of her relationship with Bellatrix, but it just felt heavy on her tongue now that Narcissa knew, and Cassandra’s words fell away to nothing as she exhaled a long, saddened sigh. Pureblood expectations were the entire reason she had to lie; if the elitists weren’t so goddamn into it, she would be free to be who she was, and _be_ with the people she wanted to be with without having to pretend to be something she wasn’t.

“You’re tired of playing by the rules?” Bellatrix guessed, assuming Cassandra just found pureblood elitist life suffocating, at least in the social aspect. Bellatrix no doubt felt the same, as she no longer wished to conform either.

“…Somethin’ like that.”

Cassandra was silent for a long time after that and Bellatrix, having realized that the tone of the conversation had shifted, furrowed her brow as she ran her hands down the younger woman’s arms. “Well that killed the mood pretty fucking quick. What?”

Despite her aggressive words, Bellatrix’s tone was surprisingly gentle and Cassandra settled back against the woman’s chest once more, shrugging rather lifelessly as she lied, “Nothin’, just… y’know. Expectations an’ whatever— remindin’ me of my marriage again. Sorry; know I ruined the moment.”

“It’s fine— that shit would have just got me going and frankly I’m too fucking tired to fuck you properly, and I’m not about to give you a sub par performance,” Bellatrix answered, causing Cassandra to smirk in amusement because she knew the woman was actually very serious about that.

“Well I appreciate ya tryin’ to keep the bar high,” she responded, trying to keep how amused she sounded out of her voice, yet failing miserably as Bellatrix responded:

“Fuck you, if you _want_ bad sex I’ll fucking give it to you.”

“I very much doubt you could _ever_ give me anythin’ resemblin’ ‘bad sex’ but… to be honest, I’m not really in the mood either,” Cassandra admitted, allowing her fingers to run down the length of Bellatrix’s forearm that was draped casually over her shoulder. “I do though,” she told her seriously. “I do wanna go on a date with you; do all the bloody shit we talked about. We just— we _cannot_ do that with each other unless we find a way to include Cissa.”

“I mean, fucking obviously,” Bellatrix responded, as though Cassandra even bringing it up was pointless, as it went without saying. “She is _not_ going to want to come to a sex club with us though— believe me, I’ve already been down that road. Also, she won’t be ‘out’ in that way with me _either, ‘_ cause blah blah incest _blah._ Whatever. So. I dunno— maybe you just… _you_ take her out sometime by yourself, and I can give her something romantic here, ‘cause… I dunno, ‘cause our shit with one another will never be as important as our shit with _her,_ you know? And she should fucking know that.”

“Yeah, I know,” Cassandra responded softly as she, like Bellatrix apparently, couldn’t ever really see themselves being in _love_ with one another like they were with Narcissa. That wasn’t to say it couldn’t happen, as if you had asked Cassandra a year ago if she ever thought she would be in a relationship with _Bellatrix Lestrange_ she would have laughed in your fucking face and called you crazy— but, for now, Narcissa was the most important person to both of them, and neither of them wished to make her feel left out just because they wanted to go on a date that she would not enjoy being a part of.

“S’gonna be a while anyway,” Cassandra reminded her with a small shrug. “I gotta divorce my husband, _you_ gotta be able to go out in public without fearin’ the Ministry would come down on your head. We got time to figure shit out— maybe even convince her to come with us? I mean, that’d be nice… yeah? The three of us?”

“If we want to have _that_ specific date, Kitten, Cissy isn’t coming with us— believe me,” Bellatrix told her, albeit rather apologetically as she too wished all of their interests aligned in that way. “Listen, I’d fucking _love_ it if she did, but it’s just… it’s not her thing, and I guess that’s fine. Besides, all the Death Eaters might know we’re incestuous fucking slags, but the rest of the world _doesn’t,_ and I know she doesn’t want to make it common knowledge for her kid’s sake since it’d ‘embarrass’ him or whatever. It’s stupid, but it is what it is. At least I don’t get bloody _shafted_ anymore with the things I want since someone _else_ is willing to do those things with me now, and that’s enough. I’m not gonna fucking push her; every time I’ve tried to mold her into another version of _myself_ it’s always blown up in my face, so. I need to start accepting that with some things, we are two very fucking different people. It’s whatever. I love her regardless; that giant stick up her arse and all. In the end, being uptight is kind of hot on her, so.”

Cassandra smirked, looking back at the woman who had her in her arms. “She’s not _that_ bad anymore— ‘bout the stick, I mean,” she defended, as Narcissa had loosened up a _lot_ since Cassandra had first met her. “Her concerns are valid though; I know _you_ don’t care about the whole incest thing, but _Draco_ does, an’ Narcissa doesn’t wanna upset him any more. Other than that though, what ya just said was kinda… _mature,_ actually; acceptin’ that you’re different people an’ shit. I’m a little proud.”

Bellatrix scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Thanks, _Mother;_ do I get a gold fucking star on the fridge today? _”_

“Cissa is gonna _hate_ us if you make that a thing, y’know,” Cassandra chuckled, turning fully in order to face the other woman, her playful mood returning as she swung her legs over Bellatrix’s thighs, locking them behind her back. In the end, maybe she just had to stop thinking and _feel._ No, her guilt probably wouldn’t go away any time soon, and her shit with Peter was going to make Cassandra nervous and on edge for a while, but she didn’t have to let that consume every waking moment. For a second, maybe she could just… _enjoy_ what she was trying so hard to keep by furthering said lie in the first place.

Bellatrix wet her lips, her gaze falling to the hem of the younger woman’s night shirt that had ridden up with the movement, giving the older woman a peak at her knickers underneath. “…What?” Bellatrix asked as she looked up at her, realizing Cassandra had spoken a little too late, and the younger woman burst out laughing as she leaned back against her palms, allowing the shirt to ride up even _further_ as it allowed some of her stomach to be exposed.

“Thought you were too tired to fuck me properly, yet I _know_ what that look means. Are you really unable to control yourself? I can’t be _that_ attractive,” Cassandra lightly responded, yet purposely leaned back in such a way that she _knew_ her breasts were going to get the majority of Bellatrix’s focus, because quite frankly, teasing her was _fun._

“You are, but you already fucking know that and were fishing for the compliment,” Bellatrix accused, causing Cassandra’s mouth to drop open in mock-offense at being so blatantly called out like that. She was _right,_ obviously, but still. Bellatrix eyed her with interest though before she asked, “You want to play a game, Kitten?”

Cassandra quirked an amused brow at her. “A sex game?” she guessed, as she doubted Bellatrix would be into playing cards with her, which was probably a good thing, as Cassandra was absolute shite at cards.

“Sort of— you assumed I didn’t have control over myself; I’m willing to wager I fucking do,” Bellatrix responded simply, causing Cassandra’s look of amused disbelief to deepen. “You in?”

“I could get into a game; be fun to watch ya lose,” Cassandra replied, causing Bellatrix to snort at her self-assured attitude. Cassandra didn’t know why in _hell_ Bellatrix actually thought she could control herself better than her, but this could at least prove to be both fun and entertaining. “What are the rules?”

“I dunno, I’m still formulating— but it’s _definitely_ going to include losing articles of clothing during it.”

Cassandra laughed. Of course it would. “’Kay, well how about… a truth game,” she suggested, as neither of them were the best at _sharing_ shit about themselves to the other, and maybe they could use this opportunity to _try,_ considering they were now an actual couple. “You don’t want to answer, ya take off an article of clothing instead— first one naked loses.”

“That’s got nothing to do with self-control,” Bellatrix pointed out, and Cassandra bit down on her bottom lip as she tried to revise the rules. “Unless we make that shit a punishment for losing.”

“ _Oh,_ okay— loser has to watch the winner masturbate, but cannot touch the other person or themselves during it, and if they _do…”_ Cassandra drawled, stalling for a moment as she tried to think. Finally, she realized with a bit of an exasperated sigh, “Fuck it— I dunno; if the loser touches the winner, we’re gonna end up havin’ that ‘bad sex’ ya threatened me with, so whatever.”

Bellatrix snorted, amused at the woman’s resignation. “So the game’s pointless?”

“Yup.”

“…You wanna do it anyway?”

Cassandra smirked, knowing that was coming as she settled herself back on her palms. “Of course I fuckin’ do. Who goes first?”

Bellatrix scoffed, leaning back against the headboard as she looked at the woman across from her, a hint of a smirk lingering on her lips. “The _oldest,_ obviously—”

“Oh, _obviously,”_ Cassandra gently mocked before Bellatrix made a short hissing noise at her, indicating that wasn’t up for discussion. Cassandra smirked, but waited for the woman’s first question. Thankfully, Bellatrix started out with something simple.

“How old were you when you lost your virginity?”

“Twelve,” Cassandra answered, before eying the other woman with interest. That was _much_ tamer than she had actually expected, but perhaps Bellatrix was lulling her into a false sense of security. “You?”

“Twelve,” Bellatrix responded as well, making Cassandra’s brow rise. “Who with? Boyfriend?”

For a second, Cassandra actually considered just taking off her night shirt, but she knew she couldn’t do it this early— they were supposed to be doing this to get to know one another after all. Well, sort of. At the end of the day the game was still about _sex,_ but Bellatrix was looking at her like she had an actual _interest_ in her and, truthfully, Cassandra wanted to know more about her as well.

“Um… no,” Cassandra responded, albeit a bit hesitantly. “Just… some bloke.” Bellatrix stared at her expectantly though, and Cassandra reacted a bit defensively. “What? What more ya want me to say?”

“I dunno, a bit fucking more than _that_ though, unless you wanna pussy out this early and take off some of your clothes. ‘Some bloke’ is not a real answer, Cassandra— it’s a cop out.”

“ _Fine,_ some sixth-year bloke found me cryin’ one day in the hall between classes. Thought he was bein’ nice, ‘cause he seemed to understand how upset I was that I’d been in that bloody school for two years an’ still didn’t have a single friend. So when he took me back to an empty classroom so I could pull myself together, an’ he told me that if I just did what he said he could make me popular… I let him,” Cassandra answered, a lump welling up in the back of her throat. She _hated_ saying it out loud, because she knew exactly what it implied even though she had still, at the end of the day, _consented_ to that shit. “I let him teach me how to… ‘ _make friends’_ so that he could introduce me to all his other fuckin’ _friends_ who were interested in makin’ me ‘popular’ _._ Happy? Regret fuckin’ askin’ yet?”

Bellatrix looked horrified. “Jesus fucking Christ— _what?”_ she practically bellowed, sitting up straight. She looked _murderous,_ her eyes blackening in anger. “Who the _fuck—_ what the _fuck_ was his name? What the fuck were _all_ of their names? Are you fucking kidding me right now; were you… were you fucking _gang raped_ in school?”

“Jesus, _no—_ there was never any more than two o’ them at a time, an’ I fuckin’ told them they could, so it’s not like—”

“ _Never any more than—_ Jesus fucking Christ, Cassandra, you were _twelve!”_

“And?” Cassandra countered, getting upset as tears welled up in her eyes. God, this was a horrible game; why the fuck had she suggested it? Second question in and she was already bloody crying. “So were you! An’ we’re talkin’ about _virginity_ here anyway, there was only one o’ them then…”

“Okay, fine, but mine was _consensual!”_ Bellatrix exclaimed, trying to make Cassandra understand the difference even though, truthfully, she was well aware— Cassandra just didn’t want to face what that meant. “I lost my virginity to the girl I _loved_ at the time—”

“Just ‘cause I didn’t love him, doesn’t mean I didn’t consent. I don’t love _you_ an’ I consent to sex with you all the time, don’t I? Jesus, Bellatrix, stop makin’ me out to be a fuckin’ victim just ‘cause you wanna ‘save’ me or whatever—”

“You _are_ though,” Bellatrix told her, not pulling any punches in that regard, and Cassandra’s throat closed as the other woman forced her to face reality. “That fucker had four years on you; he took advantage of a _child,_ he preyed on your insecurities and manipulated you into bed, and yet you actually think that’s _okay?_ I know you don’t want to be a victim, Cassandra, but open your fucking eyes; you are whether you like it or not.”

“There’s four years between you and Cissa!” Cassandra countered furiously, not ready to accept what had happened to her, frankly. She had never _once_ labeled it as something horrific in her mind, despite knowing deep down that it was. She was well-aware that she had sexual trauma to some degree, but Cassandra just couldn’t accept to what degree that actually _was_. “When was the first time you fucked _her,_ huh? ‘Cause I _really_ fuckin’ doubt you were both adults, considerin’ Cissa has always been super vague about how your relationship started!”

Bellatrix froze, and maybe it was just a trick of the light, as the woman was so pale _anyway,_ but it looked like all the color had drained from her cheeks. Cassandra knew she was pushing an issue she should _not_ just by the look on the other woman’s face, as maybe if Bellatrix wasn’t aware that their age difference was fucked up too when they were kids, she certainly realized it _now,_ but Cassandra was angry and upset and the question fell from her lips regardless. “Well?” she continued scathingly. “That was a question— either answer or ‘pussy out’!”

Bellatrix exhaled a disbelieving scoff, looking upset and furious herself before she did what Cassandra expected her to, and peeled the nightshirt from her body, practically whipping it at the far wall. “This game is fucking bullshit,” she told her, and Cassandra was apt to agree. She couldn’t even _enjoy_ the fact that Bellatrix was topless, as she was too busy trying to get her emotions under control.

She couldn’t though, and despite herself Cassandra exhaled a small sob as she covered her mouth with a trembling hand, feeling as though she was reliving it, but from a different point of view as she began to acknowledge whether she wanted to or not how truly fucked up that experience was.

“—Shit,” Bellatrix swore, realizing that the other woman couldn’t hold on to her anger, and was beginning to fall apart. “Cissy’s gonna fucking kill me— c’mere,” she encouraged, gently grasping onto the younger woman’s wrist as she pulled Cassandra against her bare chest, trying to comfort her in an embrace. “I didn’t fucking mean to— I didn’t _know_ that was… I just thought it was an innocent question; I’m a fucking idiot—”

“You’re not,” Cassandra whispered, as she knew it wasn’t Bellatrix’s fault. “How could you have known?” She inhaled a shuddered breath, her tears getting the other woman’s tits wet, and Cassandra hated herself for having ruined this as Bellatrix placed a protective hand over the back of her head before resting her chin on her crown.

“I’ve never dealt with my own bullshit, obviously,” Cassandra admitted softly, beginning to recognize that. “Always been easier for me to ignore all the things that fucked me up when I was a kid; pretend they didn’t exist, or explain them away so that they make some sort of _sense…_ I dunno. It’s just… it’s not your fault. This game was a stupid idea in the first place, I just…” She sniffed, another tear rolling down her cheek, feeling overly emotional, and so very, very stupid. “The prospect of sexual shit was appealin’, but I kinda wanted to use it to get to know ya better— dumb, yeah?” Cassandra exhaled a sad laugh, realizing how much she missed the mark. They should have just had a conversation like normal people instead of turning shit into a stupid _game._ “Couldn’t even get past a bloody question or two. M’sorry.”

“…It’s not dumb,” Bellatrix told her, each word making her chin dig in a little at the top of Cassandra’s head as she rested against her. “I just— I dunno, kind of like that you’re apparently that fucking interested in me? Whatever. That’s probably stupid as fuck too, but I’ve noticed you always asking questions. I know I’m shit at answering a lot of them, but maybe I’ll get there one day. I dunno. I’m a defensive fucking arsehole, _so._ ” Bellatrix suddenly pulled away from her then, looking down at Cassandra incredulously. “And I don’t know why the fuck you’re _apologizing—_ You have this really bad habit of taking the blame for stupid bullshit and it’s annoying. Stop.”

“…Sorry.” Bellatrix exhaled a frustrated breath, and Cassandra realized what she said. “Sor— fuck, _Jesus._ Stop me, please.” And Bellatrix did, putting a hand over Cassandra’s mouth as she snorted a bit in defeated amusement, because of course, of _course_ Cassandra would apologize over always apologizing. The younger woman rolled her eyes at herself, and after a long moment Bellatrix finally dropped her hand.

“Alright,” she instructed, wanting this conversation to turn around, and for Cassandra to get what it was that she wanted. “Fuck the game, but ask me a question— something bloody _light,_ preferably. We clearly need baby steps like fucking trauma victims, because that’s what we sodding _are,_ okay?” she ground out, obviously not fond of admitting it either, but at least was more accepting of it than Cassandra was. Maybe it was easier to admit physical abuse than it was to admit sexual abuse though— truthfully, Cassandra didn’t know. “Come on,” Bellatrix encouraged, nodding her head toward the other woman as she encouraged Cassandra to sit up a little a face her. “Ask. I know you fucking want to.”

“…Okay,” Cassandra relented quietly, as Bellatrix was right; she _did_ just want to get to know her, and she was desperate to turn this conversation around. After wiping away the last of her tears, Cassandra sat up a bit straighter and asked, “What did you want to be when you grew up? I mean like, when you were _little_ little.”

Bellatrix didn’t miss a beat. “A dragon.”

Cassandra snorted, the absurd answer immediately making her feel a bit better as she looked at Bellatrix like she must have lost her mind. “ _What?”_

_“_ Shut the fuck up, you said _little_ little and I was like four— what did _you_ want to be, a ‘princess’?” she gently mocked, complete with air-quotes and all, before Bellatrix rolled her eyes and admitted, “Narcissa wanted to be a fucking princess— no surprise there.”

Cassandra snickered, a little overwhelmed at how easily Bellatrix was able to pull her out of her depression just by answering something so silly and simple. “ _No,_ I didn’t want to be a princess— I didn’t think I was gonna grow up to be anythin’ other than what I thought I was at the time.” Cassandra hesitated for a minute before she admitted, knowing exactly how this was going to sound after how she had just reacted to Bellatrix. “…A fairy.”

Bellatrix burst out laughing. “What the fuck, and you made fun of me for thinking I could grow up to be a _dragon?_ Fuck off—”

“No, shut up, listen— my Mum… stop _laughin’!”_ Cassandra whined, lightly smacking Bellatrix’s hand before she held it in her own, pulling it a little to get her attention. “My mum used to tell me I was a fairy ‘cause I had powers others didn’t. Also to kinda explain away why no one wanted to be friends with me, but…” Cassandra rolled her eyes, not allowing herself to get emotional over it. “Whatever.”

“Wait, what do you mean you had powers others didn’t?” Bellatrix asked, her laughter dying down as she grew curious. “Or was your Mum just bullshitting you to make you feel better about your shit life?”

Cassandra’s expression set. She knew Bellatrix didn’t _mean_ to be mean about it, but sometimes she really needed to pick her words better. “ _Must_ you call it ‘my shit life’? Honestly, Bellatrix.”

“I mean, at least _your_ mother cared enough to make you feel better— I had a shit life too when I was a kid, yet _my_ mother shredded my fucking back with her wand for sodding complaining about it,” Bellatrix countered, causing Cassandra’s protests to die in the back of her throat. Perhaps her ‘shit life’ was fairly accurate after all, and at least she wasn’t alone in that regard.

She let it go.

“I just… I know this is gonna sound _stupid,_ okay, but I promise you I’m not lyin’,” Cassandra began, as everyone always used to tell her she was full of shit, or delusional, or just plain _weird_ for saying she could see things like this. “But when I was little, I could see like… _colors ‘_ round people.”

“Their auras?” Bellatrix asked, not thinking she was weird or stupid or, thankfully, _lying._ Then again, she was well-educated; when Cassandra had told kids this when she was younger, none of them had even stepped foot inside a school yet. “That shit’s supposedly rare as fuck— at least with it being a natural gift. No offense, but it seemed kind of useless to me so I never studied how to do it myself, but you must be talented as fuck in Divination if you could naturally see that kind of stuff. You can’t anymore though?”

Cassandra shook her head, a sad little smile tugging at the edges of her lips. “You’re right though— I was pretty good at Divination. I mean, I always thought a lot of it was bullshit; I think I’m just damn good at readin’ people an’ they give me credit for bein’ clairvoyant when really I’m just bloody observant, but…” Her words tapered off, and Cassandra sighed softly.

“ _But…?”_ Bellatrix encouraged and Jesus, she actually looked like, super interested in this, and it kind of took Cassandra aback because she didn’t think her magical abilities were anything of real interest to anyone. Then again, Bellatrix was _intelligent—_ especially when it came to magic, which meant she enjoyed learning about it, and it seemed Cassandra’s natural abilities were not something she had been confronted with in real life before, and thus she found it fascinating.

Foolishly, Cassandra’s cheeks began to heat up a little bit from the unexpected and _undivided_ attention from the woman in front of her. “I dunno— doesn’t that shit scare you?” she asked. “ _Knowing_ what’s happened, or what’s gonna happen; sometimes, ignorance is bliss, y’know? Why I never really wanted to look too close, truthfully.”

“You just like ignoring the ugly shit in life,” Bellatrix assumed extremely accurately, which made Cassandra purse her lips in guilt. “Why you’ve never dealt with your trauma. Was that what fucking killed your ability to see shit like that?” Bellatrix asked, apparently very aware of how that can affect people and their magic; especially when they’re young. “’Cause if that’s the case, if you didn’t just grow outta it or something, you might be able to get that ability back.”

“Yeah?” Cassandra asked, although a bit disbelievingly as she wasn’t entirely sure of when it _stopped,_ to be honest. Yes, she knew it was after the so-called ‘trauma’ she went through, but was it immediate? Cassandra couldn’t remember. Maybe she had just happened to grow out of it around the same time. “Thought you were against self-betterment an’ all that shit.”

“Not when it pertains to magic, obviously,” Bellatrix told her, as though that should be a given. “Jesus, if you have a talent and you let it go to waste, that’s fucking _worse._ I mean, this is the entire _fucking_ reason we’re fighting so hard in this war, Cassandra, _this—_ the fact that we are better, stronger, and more bloody talented than the rest because of our magic, and because we deserve to be bloody _recognized_ for that shit.”

“Purebloods aren’t the only ones with _magic,_ y’know,” Cassandra softly countered, unable to stop herself for whatever masochistic reason.

“Mudbloods, with their stolen fucking magic, don't count,” Bellatrix responded furiously, feeling slighted as though they had taken it from her _personally._ “We’re going to find a way to take that _back,_ and they’ll be left with nothing, as they deserve. Halfbloods— whatever, they have _legitimate_ magic, I guess, but they’ll never be as fucking talented as us. A halfblood would _never_ have the innate magical ability that you do, Cassandra, they’d never have the talent that _I_ do—”

“You really sure ‘bout that?” Cassandra asked miserably before she screamed at herself in her head to just _shut the fuck up,_ and she closed her mouth into a tight line.

“Of course I’m fucking sure; what, you actually think a halfblood could be as talented as _I_ am?” Bellatrix asked, offended by the implication that Cassandra hadn’t even been making, but that was probably for the best anyway as the younger woman shook her head, knowing that at least _one_ halfblood wasn’t as good as Bellatrix in that area.

“No, ‘course not. I dunno, you’re just— you’re gettin’ real _preachy_ at me right now, an’ while I appreciate your enthusiasm an’ your dedication, I just feel like we got a bit off track an’ I’m a little lost. What was your point again?”

“That you could tap into your abilities again if only you stopped pretending your shitty fucking experiences didn’t happen, and actually _dealt_ with your bullshit,” Bellatrix answered, not cutting any corners. “I mean, fine, maybe it’s not worth it— maybe it’s not the most _useful_ ability on the planet, but that was something that was uniquely _yours_ and you just let it slip from your fingers. Why the fuck wouldn’t you want that part of you back? That shit was what made you special, Cassandra; not to get _preachy_ again, but our sodding magic is what makes _all_ of us special. Don’t fucking squander it.”

Cassandra bit down on her lower lip, feeling a little ashamed all of a sudden that she _had._ Maybe Bellatrix was right, maybe that was a part of her and allowing it to slip away was a disservice to herself and who she was supposed to _be._ “Even if I wanted it back, I’m not entirely sure how to work through my bullshit, honestly,” Cassandra admitted, before she gave the woman across from her a judgmental look and didn’t pull any punches when she finished, “An’ I _don’t_ think you’re one to help much with emotional stuff.”

“You’re right, I’m definitely not,” Bellatrix answered, at least fully aware of that fact. “I’d just tell you to get the fuck over it, but I know objectively that wouldn’t help. What I _can_ help you do though is research the shit and learn more about it; I need to move all my fucking books out of my house anyway, if that brat’s gonna live in it soon. How much do you even know about what you were able to do anyway?”

“Not much,” Cassandra admitted, as it wasn’t like she had ever bothered to research it herself. By the time she might have been interested in learning, she had already lost it. “I didn’t even know what the colors meant, really— ‘sides the feelin’s they’d give me.”

“I’m pretty sure there’s like, positives and negatives of colors,” Bellatrix responded, looking as though she was searching her brain. “But it’s been a while since I’ve read about it, honestly— I’ll look it up and get back to you; I actually have a shit ton of books on Divination and crap even though I never really cared that much myself for it. Rodolphus had a passing interest at one point because he thought if he learned enough he might be able to predict the end of the war, or at least important battles, but apparently shit of that magnitude isn’t something that can be taught— only pure-born psychics can do that stuff, and they’re rare as fuck. I don’t even think there’s one alive right now; or if there is, not one that’s trained.”

Cassandra stared at Bellatrix, suddenly a little suspicious of her enthusiastic interest. “ _Please_ don’t tell me you think I could be one— I fuckin’ _assure_ you, I am not.”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “Don’t be stupid, I’m not saying that—” _Good,_ because Cassandra did not want Bellatrix expecting great things from her or anything, as Cassandra was certain she was never meant to be _that_ special. “But you _do_ have a gift, Cassandra, and if you want, I can help you get that back again. I know I’m like… absolute _shit_ when it comes to a lot; like I’m never going to be the type of girlfriend that Cissy is with the emotions and shit, but I am _damn_ good at magic, and I can help you if you let me. I fucking _promise_ you.”

Cassandra looked at Bellatrix a little sadly. “Y’know, I know _I_ have shit self-esteem, but you really don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re much better than you think with relationships, an’ I think Cissa would agree.”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes, of course dismissing that. “Whatever.” Cassandra exhaled a small sigh, but did not protest further; she knew Bellatrix was stubborn, so her reluctance to change her own view of herself was not surprising. “Do you want my help or not? ‘Cause I kinda want to… I dunno.”

“Help me?” Cassandra finished for her, her chest warm from the feeling that instilled in her. She gave Bellatrix a soft smile, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she saw what lied beneath Bellatrix’s tough exterior. “You’re actually kinda sweet, y’know. I told ya.”

“You’re right, I’m full of fucking rainbows and unselfish motivations,” Bellatrix responded sardonically, causing Cassandra to be the one who rolled her eyes that time. “I mean, fucking _frankly,_ watching you grow your magic abilities will probably be one of the sexiest things I’ve ever witnessed, and I’m all for getting myself wet over power, even if it’s not my own,” she explained before she shrugged a little, leaning back against the headboard. “I wish Cissy cared enough about magic, but all she ever wanted to be was an incubator; she only learned shit like Occlumency out of necessity, never ‘cause she had an interest. Which, _fine,_ different people, different lives, blah fucking _blah,_ but I like… I dunno. It’s probably stupid as fuck that I’m so into this— we don’t have to. I know it doesn’t fucking matter, really, and it’s not like I don’t have six million other things to do.”

Cassandra took in the expression on the other woman’s face and how _disappointed_ she looked by the prospect of not doing something like that after all. Frankly, Cassandra had never really seen Bellatrix get excited about _anything_ other than sex and, horrifically, _murder,_ and it made the younger woman realize something as she asked, “When you were older than four, and you learned you couldn’t grow up to be a dragon… what did you want to be?”

“What?” Bellatrix asked, feeling as though the question had come out of nowhere. “I mean, I _am_ what I wanted to grow up to be, obviously—”

“No, I mean before ya knew about the Dark Lord, before ya knew about… all of this,” Cassandra patiently explained. “What was it that you wanted to do?” Bellatrix still looked a little perplexed though, and Cassandra told her, with a small, noncommittal shrug, “I just… I dunno. I see a lot of passion for teachin’ in ya— maybe when the war’s over, that could be somethin’ to think about.”

Bellatrix snorted. “If you actually think me and _children_ mix, you’re fucking deluded.”

_“Adults_ like to further their education too, y’know,” Cassandra reminded her, albeit a little exasperatedly. “Are you not a prime example of that? Am _I_ not? I mean, okay, I never really thought about it before today, but… but if you think it’s important, then I want to get that part of me back. I trust your judgment.”

Bellatrix looked at her suspiciously, as it seemed no one had ever really said those words to her before. “…Really?”

“Yeah,” Cassandra responded seriously, keeping eye contact with Bellatrix so she knew she was telling her the truth. “ _Really.”_

Bellatrix pursed her lips, and Cassandra could tell she was trying to not outwardly show how happy or excited that made her, as she clearly was a little embarrassed about how much she actually liked to not just learn, but _teach._ Cassandra smiled for her though, pleased that she had seemingly made Bellatrix’s day by agreeing to do that with her.

“I wanna learn from you,” Cassandra assured her, reaching out to tangle their fingers together as she held both of Bellatrix’s hands in her own. “Teach me?”

And, finally, Bellatrix allowed herself to smile a little as she found it within her to appreciate the differences in her lovers, and the variety of opportunities she had now that she had more than one. “Okay,” she agreed, squeezing the younger woman’s hands in her own. “I’ll help you get that shit back, Kitten— I fucking promise.”

**TBC…**


End file.
